I ate lunch with a couple friends, and we all shared our dating woes. We'd decided to pool some spare change together, and the one who had the worst luck would get the pool. It was only a total of like $30, so it wasn't really any great shakes of a consolation prize. But anyway, first my story.
Well, you already know my story. Blah blah, onto the runner-up
My friend, let's call him "Joe", went to the bank to withdraw some money. The teller was really obnoxious to him, and made several remarks about not getting to take her break because he was such a jerk having to come through her line. ANYWAY, he fussed her out, called the manager over, the manager fussed her out, then Joe got his money and left. He was going to eat dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. You can see where this is going, can't you? The teller was her mother. Okay, that was pretty bad, but it does NOT even come CLOSE to the next one.
A quick warning, those with weak stomachs should not read further.

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Oh, right! The story!

Well, let's call this poor, unfortunate soul "reteP". I am disguising his name because, well... I wanted to. Okay, here goes.... he and his girlfriend had been going out for about a year, and their sex life was NONE OF MY BUSINESS, thank goodness. Well, lately it took a horrendous turn for the worse when they started "fantasies". He got to go first, and she dressed in a catsuit. Tight nylon or whatever, that was the fantasy. Pretty tame as far as fantasies go. Hers? Excuse me for a second, let me compose myself........ she wanted him to eat her feces, then feed it to her like she was a baby bird. Let me repeat that in "Insane-O Vision". ShE wAnTeD Him tO EAT heR feces, ThEn fEEd It t0 h3R 1IkE sHe Was a BABY b1Rd.

He won some money, and our sympathy. I'm still breaking into laughter just thinking about it. You're probably asking yourselves, "Did he do it?" The answer he gave me when I asked wasn't verbal, but a sickened look on his face and a droop of his head. I gave him another $10.