Mysteriously born at eleven, eleven PM on the eleventh month (also on the twenty-second day, which is eleven times two, if you care to pry so deep) I was a cuspial child, carrying both Sagittarius and Scorpio as my birth sign. I'll be the first to tell you, though, that scorpio has certainly sunk it's tail deeper into my soul than has the centaurs arrow. Given to me by my signs, as schitzophrenic as it may seem, are the elemental signs of both fire and water. Although one would certainly extinguish the other, somehow they both flow together, as the stmbol of Yin Yang represents, and they seem to complement one another.
At a very young age, so young I'm not too sure of what year I was, I had my first spirit encounter. Just before bed one evening a floating head peered at me through the doorway of my bedroom. Although I was frightened then, as I must have been no older than five or six, though when I think of it today, I don't remember any negative feelings or intentions emmiting from this spirt. My mother and her boyfriend, however, could not see this entity, and insisted that it had left. Of course, I could clearly see it.
My mother was a depressed drug addict and boozehound with low self esteem, which probably led to her becoming the large magnet to violent men, who, too, always seem to be alcoholics with low self esteems. I can remember cleaning the blood off the walls and scrubing at the carpets until they were clean of the crusting, browning spots. Amongst the chaos was a cat I would later learn to be the kin of my totem animal, the beautiful Black Panther. This cat, during the times of chaos in my child years, was the only noticable silver lining in a world which seemed to offer nothing but violence and uncertainty.
As any knowledgeable person could guess, my teen years were nothing but a massive revolt against anything which merely resembled authority. With armed robbery utilizing a .45 handgun, break-and-enters and car thefts, the stories really need not be told. Save for the fact that I was incarcerated twice at age 18 and again at age 20.
This is where one would usually decide that I am not a citizen worthy of walking the streets. I, however, dissagree. For while incarcerated, I refused a television in my cell and strictly wrote, drew and grew my intelligence beyond that of the average person. I do not regret being imprisoned, as it was there that I realized my dream to write and, during my second sentence, wrote my first novel.
Lets talk philosophy. Now before I begin, it is important for you, dear reader, to understand that I might not be considered the most emotionally stable character around. Don't get me wrong, I think with knowledge comes a certain insanity and I accept this freely. Basically what I'm saying is, if you disagree with my philosophies, I could really give a flying fuck and I STILL think I'm right. But of course, part ofmy quadruple-fucking-personality is more than willing to share knowledge with others I consider intelligent enough to hold an opinion in accordance to my beliefs.
Lets start at the beginning. My childhood introduction to religion. As are most children, I was forced into religion by my mother. I had to study with several Jehovahs Witnesses. During this period, I could uderstand the "knowledge" they were providing to me, even to the point that I could almost claim to have almost believed it. But my intuition told me there was something else, something a little truer.
Then came the years I had a choice about which religion I studied, of course, this was only when my mother was still passed out on the couch from the drinking and beating she'd had the night before. You see, if it wasn't what she wanted, I wasn't allowed to do it, so I'd have to sneak out to go to church which, of course, I only did to get out of the house. At this time I joined a Pentacostal church with some very good friends of mine, and found it quite enjoyable. Here I learned a lot about faith, and even saw some of it's miracles. But still, after a short time, I realised that this, too, was not the full truth. My higher self sent to my consciousness that this was only the beginning. In fact, these Christial religions were only the thin membrane to the eternal cell which is the truth.
Then came magick, and with this I came closer to the truth than I ever imagined possible.
MORE TO COME!
If you really want to know about the mechanics of the machinme that is me...if you want to know just how fuckin crazy I am....ENTER THE INSANE FILES!
INSANE FILES