Everything is going bad! I want to die but iam kinda scared of Seppuku. Anyway I was doing my school work and my mom lied to dad. She said I was doing nothing but in truth I was studying for a big test and I was 3 days ahead of school.So I cut my arm with blood again and sent them a letter. After that I quit everything I felt like seppuku. I quit Kendo, school and Karate, after that sense I thought I was done with Kendo forever so I broke my sword and was gonna just idk...........Iam soo confused why is this happening.
Page Nine September 22,2004
I make my own smokes and smoke them at night. My Mom she lies to my dad she twists things. I told her stop beating me when you think iam not doing school. When in truth I was studying..she beat me I got so pissed I punched her twice. Turned down my hits didnt punch hard just wanted to get a message to her. She dont listen to me just keeps doing what she does. She always tells me when I wake up its all your fault your doing bad in school. She never tells me anything good she never helps me. She never taught me how to read and all the people would make fun of me. I felt so stupid.
Page 10 October 14,2004
My mom thinks iam insane dunno why.
October 20,2004
Crap,crap,crap iam not as hard as I was. But this hate is going to be my undoing crap. I have karate crap! Crap. I cant afford to keep ague anymore. I hate everyone I see just want to kill somone. Crap my parents yell at me like go study or you will be the dumbist. Dont they know I already am so crap. You guys want me to study fine then ill study till I die. Mom called the cops on me and everyone saw all the neighbors. She expects me to resepct her and yet she does this to me. How can I Resepct is earned not given by me. Well go kill yourself. Iam soo mad at mom but its not at its peek like it was a few days ago.But iam have strong resentment. If you called the cops on me again I would kill them and you without sencond thought. Dammit! your junk you gave me is so unforgivable.
November 19,2004
So you guys want me to write more in a daiary? Fine with me, I dont know if I should tell anymore of my problems to Amy(Sister). Iam just a small angry Japanese. I dont want Amy to worry about me. If I die its just a matter of time.
Amy if you could slit my throte and with my one last gasping breath idd appologise for bleeding on your shirt.
November 30,2004
Santa Cluase if your real can you kill that bitch? whats the problem here? I tired what Reyn said. Iggnor her but she got pissed and today was bad. Shes such a little child she says"Daddy Adrians disrespecting me" I know I was but I told her I dont know what your talking about. Iam soo mad I think ill kill the cats. So now I beat the crap out of the cats and pee. Maybe its all my fault this happend I cant say.
November 30,2004
I listen to heavy metal music and smoke it pisses mom off so thats a reason. Smoking helps me die early on in life so its ok.She wants resepct again I cant resepct her shes a bitch. She has no control over herself thust no resepct. You tell her somthing and she dont listen to you she just gets what she wants.
December2,2004
Mom really pisses me off
Adrian is mad not happy
I could make her pay but at a price. Stop opperaten the church computer. Nobody knows how to do that only me.
December 18,2004
Adrian is very angery but I dont want to police to come for me like last ime. Mom she cuts me off all the time when iam talking. and just says what she wants to say. I let her talk and she still cuts me off. She dont deserver resepct.I kill some of her fish and stuff but iam trying to make things better. Just that I have so much hate for her its hard to make the right choice of words to say to her.
Somone kill me please I dont want to kill myself but somone help me end my suffering.
January 9,2004
Rest and peace at last iam a new man. Mom got a job and things out working out. Shes not getting on my nervers and I dont have to see her all day long. But tonite she got me mad and I need to control my anger. Not say anything stupid. I gotta be a stone wall. Reyn told me to do that.
[][][] Ok how did you like that? Well iam ok now, All that stuff was good and yet bad, the bad part was it hurt the good part is that iam a better person now I can put up with people who annoy me. I dont argue i agree with you more. I dont kill things needlessly anymore. Stoped smoking it kills braing cells. Gots a job now with good pay i make more money than my sisters and mother. 20 dollars a hour. Iam studying on the side. I know life is pericious and it shouldnt be wasted. If you hurting like that or have problems ill listen to you if you need :) Thats how my life was but now iam turned around.