And so, in good faith, you rent Psycho Killer Beast With A Million Eyes, pop it into the VCR and discover that a.) it only has two eyes; and b.) the "beast" looks suspiciously like a dog wearing a wig. You're left feeling more disappointed than the time you watched Madison Avenue sing live at the 2001 ARIA Awards.

You try again and rent Teenagers From Outerspace, only to realise that (despite the title), no one appears to be under 30 and the "monster" is a silhouetted lobster. It's about as creepy as Sizzler.

However, in recent years I have come to realise that there is something far more misleading than a B-grade horror movie title: Writers festivals. They're as inappropriately named as Bob Geldof's children.

When the Brisbane Writers Festival (BWF) hits South Bank from Thursday to Sunday, you could be forgiven for thinking that it's four days of activities exclusively for people who write. Right? Wrong. The BWF is a series of mostly free events for people who love to read. From chick-lit to action blockbusters, historical tales to indigenous poetry, detective stories to science-fiction, it's a festival that celebrates the written word.

A fan of Matthew Reilly? Go see him in person! The former lawyer who penned Ice Station, Area 7 and Scarecrow will be doing a number of sessions during the festival at which he will offer an insight into how, why and where he writes his blockbuster action novels.

Ever wondered how writers write sex scenes? (You saucy minx, you.) Then head to the Powerhouse at 8:30pm on Friday for Lines of Desire, when panellists Nick Earls, Matthew Condon, Louise Welsh and Posie Graeme-Evans will discuss the topic.

Worried you'll blush? Then go to the Speak Easy Caf� instead. Just try resisting the charms of poet and novelist Sam Wagan Watson as he hosts an evening of indigenous performances and debate. It's on from 7pm at the South Bank River Marquee.

Fans of speculative fiction shouldn't miss What is Speculative Fiction? at 9am on Saturday. Authors Kim Wilkins, Paul Brandon, Karen Brooks, Juliet Marillier and Marianne de Pierre will debate what exactly make a novel gothic or fantasy. Can it be both? And why did the Daleks on Doctor Who always look like they were made of aluminium foil? (That last question probably won't be discussed, I was just wondering.)

If music is more your bag, then don't miss the launch of Andrew Stafford's Pig City on Saturday at 6:30pm at the Powerhouse. Chronicling the history of the Brisbane music scene (from The Saints to Savage Garden), this is the book everyone's talking about. The launch is free and open to the public.

Some people have said that this year's BWF doesn't have enough big name international celebrities. Huh? Suddenly BWF has to be like the cringe-worthy Logies? I don't think so. A smattering of big-name authors, illustrators and poets is certainly a thrill (you get to meet them, get your books signed, hear what inspired them).

But I think the real beauty of a writers festival is diversity. It's about having such a wide variety of topics and panellists that no matter what you like to read, you're bound to find something that stirs your inner bibliophile.

Writers festivals should never be about celebrity. After all, one man's Trapido is another person's Atwood. Rather, writers festivals are about sharing a love of books, exploring new ideas, discovering new authors, joining book clubs and writers groups and, most of all, being inspired to keep reading and writing until the day you die. The End.