Then the show that was a romantic survival of the fittest for "ugly" people as they competed to pash a glamazon. Then the show on which we told a whole heap of heterosexual guys that they were competing to date a gorgeous Mexican model. But guess what? Surprise! She had a wang.

Then the show with the straight girl who had to find the Russel Crowe in a sea of cowboy-dressing Carson Kressleys.

I didn't think we could get any lower. I was wrong. I found out this week that in the US they've recently remade both The Partridge Family and Gilligan's Island. And they've remade them as reality TV shows.

According to the website for The Real Gilligan's Island, the show's producers scoured the globe (yeah, I bet they just did a casting call in Kyrgyzstan) to find the perfect group of contestants. A real-life skipper, a quirky first mate, a millionaire couple, a gorgeous movie star, a brilliant professor and an innocent farm girl.

They they sent them to an island and made them re-enact scenes from the show. Don't you think that sounds wacky and hilarious? No, me neither.

Things are even kookier with In Search Of The Partridge Family. The original show about a single mother and her lip-syncing, badly dressed tribe of children was a ratings hit in the 1970s and turned David Cassidy (the poor man's Leif Garrett) into a superstar.

Clearly the mentality of today's television executives seems to be that if a show was a hit once, it can be again. And so it came to pass that this year three of the original cast members, Shirley Jones (Mummy Partridge), David Cassidy (Keith) and Danny Bonaduce (Danny) reunited to search the US to find look-alike Shirleys, Keiths, Dannys and Lauries. Once chosen, these faux Partridges are sent to Partridge Family boot camp where they learn air guitar and how to sashay around on stage in velvet flares.

Frankly, all this retro-reality TV programming is making me uneasy.

What's next? We hunt down Webster and Arnold Drummond, put them in a boxing ring and the last orphan standing gets to live with Mr D on Park Avenue. A sort of Fight Club meets Annie meets Different Strokes - let's not pretend it doesn't have "ratings hit" written all over it.

Of course, not all remakes are such a bad idea. This month marks the 20th anniversary of Band Aid's fundraising single Do They Know It's Christmas?. Penned by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure of Ultravox as a way to raise money for the famine in Africa, the original song featured a gaggle of 1980s stars including Bananarama, Culture Club, Style Council, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, U2, George Michael and Kool and the Gang.

Released as a Christmas single in 1984, it went on to sell more than 3.5 million copes in Britain alone and raised more than $20 million.

Three weeks ago a new version of the song was recorded and 50 of today's most popular musicians joined in. Artists involved in the project included Chris Martin (Coldplay), Robbie Williams, Natasha Bedingfield, Dido, Fran Healy (Travis), Joss Stone and Bono (again).

But news of the re-release of Do They Know It's Christmas? also got me thinking about the allure of the rhetorical song title. And over the years, there have been some corkers.

Who can forget Bros's 1980s hit When Will I Be Famous?. Clearly, the answer was: "Once you stop singing like Young Talent Time members on crack.

In 1978 Dragon asked us in song: Are You Old Enough?. Here's a clue: if you have to ask, the answer is probably no. And in 1989 Michael Bolton wanted to know, How Can We Be Lovers?. Three words, Michael: Ditch the mullet.

Some of the best rhetorical song titles can be found in country music. Who can forget the toe-tapping Did I Shave My Legs For This? by Deana Carter, which was closely followed by Did I Shave My Back For This? by Cledus Judd. Not to be outdone by the somewhat blunt How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?, Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye and You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly. Okay, so the last two aren't rhetorical questions, they're just weird.