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Pisces: (Feb 19 - Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot. Aries: (Mar 21 - Apr 19) You are a pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are basically a prick. You seldom think others are good enough for you, and you masturbate often. Taurus: (Apr 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamn communist. You have an intense love for whips and chains. Gemini: (May 21 - Jun 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for shirking their responsibilities. Cancer: (Jun 21 - Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding of other peoples' problems. Everyone thinks you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare. Most Cancers are frigid. Leo: (Jul 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and get their kicks from sniffing bicycle seats and kissing mirrors. Virgo: (Aug 23 - Sep 22) You are logical and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to all of your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good garbage collectors and pimps. Libra: (Sep 23 - Oct 22) You are artistic and have a difficult time with reality. Chances for employment and financial gain are excellent because you are a rip-off. You will achieve great success because of your total lack of ethics. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Most Libra women are whores. Scorpio: (Oct 23 - Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered. Scorpio women give good head because they have no morals. Sagittarius: (Nov 22 - Dec 21) You are enthusiastic and optimistic. You have a tendency to rely on luck, since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or pot-heads. You are almost always impotent. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked. Capricorn: (Dec 22 - Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. You fear people and relationships. Most Capricorns prefer rubber dolls. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself. |