|
[home] [works] [so there] [the girl] [say what?!] [go visit] |
| Q | |||
|
ON ADDICTIONS, ILLUSIONS AND GETTING OVER MYSELF
Of course, occasional bouts of drama cannot be completely avoided. My addiction to all things melancholic still lingers but in has lessened considerably, though I still like to play up the “be-sad-but-be-beautiful” aura once in a while. The night sky never fails to make me smile, specially when the stars shine bright. The rain still draws me to sit outside on our patio and stare into space, as I listen to the rhythmic falling of the rain drops on days when the heavens are covered with gray clouds. And while all of these may seem perfect backdrops for despair and depression and desolation (and a whole lot of other d words), I cannot deny seeing such beauty in all of them and it only makes me glad that I’m alive to appreciate it.
The people who tick me off (but aren’t even really worth my time, not to mention brain space), fake poseur user-friendly friends, guys who broke my heart, I got over all of them. I quit playing other people’s games and found the happiness I used to think I would find there on my own. I quit buying coffee for my so-called friends and spent more time with a few but intimate group of people whose friendship with me had been tried and tested time and again and who I knew would stay by my side no matter what. I quit becoming friends with people for superficial reasons and started seeing others beyond what meets the eye. I quit going after guys who were drop-dead gorgeous (and nothing else but) and settled for the longevity of a relationship, though for now, I am happily relishing in my singleness. I quit broadcasting to everyone everything going on in my life and kept to myself those skeletons that rightfully remained in the closet. I quit putting meaning into every little thing that I would have easily regarded as signs from fate and started praying for guidance. And most of all, I quit dwelling on the darker, negative side of things and started seeing the world through rose-colored glasses once again, just as I had when I was a child, though sometimes, the glass does appear to be a bit smoky.
So maybe drama is unavoidable. In a world kept alive by conflict, it’s hard not to fall into the trap where problems, complications, even little inconveniences appear to be sources of reality. But if there’s one thing I learned from my trek through my self-made hell and back, it’s that we should never let ourselves drown in our own little dramas because this keeps us from being truly real. Because real people, in the real world, when they fall, they pick themselves up and walk again.
Allow yourself to live. After all, it’s not the meaning of life; it’s the feeling of life.
© Valerie V. Mayuga, 2005
|
|||
|
S |
|||
|
copyright valerie v. mayuga 2005 |