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In the Gottman video we watched in class, Gottman categorized couples as either �masters� or �disasters,� and introduced four factors that could be used to predict the ultimate failure or success of a relationship. The difference between masters and disasters is the way that they deal with conflict in their relationship. Gottman presented four factors, which he referred to as the �four horsemen of the apocalypse� that can be used as predictors of whether a couple will divorce or have a successful marriage. The first predictor was criticism; couples that were classified as disasters thought that their partner�s personality was at the root of the relationship�s problems and expressed this while arguing or complaining. These actions indicated that the �disastrous� couple were likely to be divorced. The masters still criticized each other, but instead of criticizing the other person�s personality, the partners emphasized his or her needs during a conflict. The second predictor was defensiveness. Disasters acted as the innocent victim in arguments, refusing to take responsibility for their actions and engaging in �righteous indignation.� Masters on the other hand, were able to accept responsibility for at least a small part of the problem. The third predictor was disrespect and contempt. Gottman considered this factor the best indicator of the ultimate success or failure of a relationship. Disasters tend to feel superior to their partner on some level. When arguing they tend to call their partner names. On the other hand, masters have respect for their partner and are proud of their partner�s accomplishments. They create a culture of appreciation, in which they thank their partner for small things. The fourth predictor was stonewalling. The disasters emotionally withdraw from the conflict, their behaviors during an argument show disinterest in their partner, folded hands and no vocal intonation or eye contact indicate disinterest. Masters are the opposite, they show interest in what their partner has to say.
Gottman also talked about the important of friendship in a relationship. Increased friendship results in increased quality of intimacy. There are several steps a couple can take to achieve greater friendship with their partner including an enhanced love map, fondness and admirations, and bids for emotional connection. An enhanced love map includes being knowledgeable about your partner and showing interest in your partner�s emotions and interests. Fondness and admiration includes communication, affection, respect, and simply saying �thank you.� Bids for emotional connection include being enthusiastic about your partner�s emotions. |
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