I think that as a nation with its elections just around the corner, there are many important issues that must be addressed by our potential leaders. So far they have done a moderately good job at making their opinions clear (some more eloquently than others) on issues like war social security and medical care. Unfortunately there is one issue that has been completely ignored not only by the presidential candidates, but by the media as a whole. Even Michael Moore doesn't dare touch on this issue. This subject that I speak of has been bothering a lot of people that I know, so I decided to take it upon myself to bring this foul thing out into the open: Kim. It recently came to my attention that Kim is possibly the worst person in the world. Not only does she live in room 420 (postentially prime real estate, amoung other things), but she keeps beating me at Super Smash Brothers, even when I play as Captain Falcon. I would greatly appretiate it if Kerry or Bush would bring up this issue before election day, so the people of America can know exactly what they're voting for. Not only does she cause minor disturbances in the local community, but she also poses a threat to our ways as a nation, more so even than "terrorists" or North Korea's so-called "nuclear weapons," which many politicians seem to agree are of minor threat. Compared to Kim, I have to agree.
Many of you who read this will think to yourselves "I know plenty of people who are more despicable than Kim." You are wrong. Kim is the lowliest human on earth; she belongs in the same category as Hitler and Rios Mont (If you don't know who this is, you were obviously hiding under dilution that America was the only country in the world in the 80's. Or you weren't born yet). That's right Kim, Hitler, and Mont: the historical axis of evil. I call on all of you who have any power at all to remove this slime that is tainting the good name of America. Many people have been blaming the recent trends in the economy on the Bush administration, I happen to know that they actually started half way through Kim's Freshman year in high school, when she probably secretly gained control of wall street, and has been slowly crushing our society ever since. As she became older, she began smothering the American way of life, and tearing our beautiful country to shreds. We must stop this, Americans must be free, the economy must recover, and Jugglypuff should never ever beat Captain Falcon again. Down with Kim! Down with Kim! Down with Kim!
by Timothy Schneider
10-27-04, 11:14am
room 407