news

The New York Diet
(Date: January 6, 2005)
You've heard of the Atkens, South Beach,
Low Soduim High Carb, and Weight Watchers diets.
But have you ever heard of the New York Diet?
It's the brain child of the Ranger's new GM/Coach, Big Emil.
"The main goal is too eliminate all the fat attach to our salary
cap, It's time for this organization to stop consuming so many fat and bloated contracts,
which have been cloggling the arteries of this franchise."
When president Glen Sather was asked about this new trend, he said
"It's about time someone pulled us away from the trough, no more $10 million contracts
for 40 pt. players. No more out of shape, over aged, prima donas. I just had to laugh
when I heard Brodeur went for nearly $7 million. Did you see that guy last year ? He was definitely packing away a few extra pounds. I don't want to speculate on things, but maybe he's eating his personal problems away. By the time the season starts, he could be a donut wearing pads."
(src: MLF/ the Post)

New York Rangers First Team Selection
(Date: January 4, 2005)
With their first franchise selection, the New York Rangers pick
Nikolai Zherdev. Zherdev is an extremely exciting player to
watch on the ice; he is a expert stick handler with super-quick
acceleration and agility. Zherdev is a excellent finisher and he uses
his teammates on the ice as well. Zherdev superb visionallows him
to make smart passes, but more often than not, he likes to have the puck on his stick. With great hands and excellent skating he is always a threat to score. Nikolai's all-around game is not flawless, but his defensive awareness has dramatically improved.
(src: Hockey's Future)

Coach Search Ends
(Date: January 1, 2005)
A collective chorus can be heard throughout the Big Apple
"What !?! Who?!? " "What the__, Who the __!?!"
After weeks and weeks of speculation and rumours that had
the team prying savvy bench bosses as Leeafy, and JJ from there teams.
The organization has hired, little known about, Big Emil K.
Not only is he the new coach, but the Rangers have also handed over
the managerial duties to him as well.

Although Big Emil does not have the predigree most Ranger fans had hoped.
He has had some success in his early carreer. He led his team to the semi finals
in his rookie campaign, but was ravaged by injuries in his sophomore season.
He has also finished 2nd in the playoffs. He has also won a "Yahoo Cup" in the minors.
Big Emil has even had success as a grid iron coach.

As for the rumours swirling around the Big Apple about Axl's (the Bombastic One) name being thrown into hat, TRUE !
According to unnamed sources "Dolan (Chairman of MSG) was trying to force his nomination
(Axl) down the board members throat." " That's when the chairs came out.
I don't think Dolan will be trying anything like that again" said another source
Dolan can not be reached for comments.
(src: MLF/the Times)

Heatley a Ranger
(Date: January 27, 2005)
In a surprising deal the Rangers have traded away their 3rd round pick
in next season's draft, and a cash transfer of 2 million dollars to the
financially strapped Tampa Bay Lightning; and in return receive the
services of Dany Heatley. "It's just absolutely stunning.
Although the move does look terrific on paper.
We still do have a important legal matter pending" said Glen Sather (NYR President).
Refering to Dany Heatley's vehicular man-slaughter case, in which close friend and teammate
Dan Snyder was killed. Mr. Heatley's lawyer believes this case will be wrapped up by next Friday (Feb 4).
(src: MLF/CBC)

R
A
N
G
E
R

N
E
W
S

Rangers Aquire Pick
(Date: Febuary 2, 2005)
In a less impressive move; the Rangers make a cash for pick trade.
After seeing New York surrender a 3rd Rd pick for the services
of Heatley, new GM/Coach (Emil K) thought it was prudent
to try recover another draft choice. The Rangers aquired a
2nd Round Pick from the Chicago Blackhawks for a cash transfer
of $878,000.
(src: the Daily News/ MLF)

Heatley Gets Probation
(Date: Febuary 4, 2005)