I know that deep in our hearts that the basic
thing in making a relationship work is that we must love the person. And
when I asks my young friends on what will make them love the person, they just
say "basta mahal ko siya" (as long as I love him/her). Vague as
it may seems, but the that's how most of us view love - so mysterious, so
unexplainable.
I would like to share my story. I just remember this whenever someone says "love conquers all". During the time when my first gf broke up with me, many
friends in the office consoled me and offered advice. Among the many
people who offered advices, only two of them i thought was sound. One of them was
saying not to give up, just let me continue that I am sincere, and that I must
be a little aggressive this time. The other one was quoting some passages
on the Bible. At first I thought that person was corny, but later on, I
realized that his advice was sound after all. And he was quoting from the
Bible that "true love conquers all". He was saying that God's
way is really mysterious, yet love will conquer all. Well, I didn't mind
those scripture interpretations for I am also familiar with that. But I
realized that there was something wrong with that line - "Love conquers all".
I think that that line is just a rationalization of the mystery we want to
believe - that the feeling of falling in love is inexplicable.
Although, I believe that love will make wonders in this world. I don't
contest on that.
I think that line "Love Conquers All" is a love myth. Here's
why it is a myth for me. It aids us in avoiding in facing relationship problems
or in seeking solution to that problem. Perhaps, with that we'll think
that if we love each other enough, all these conflict and problem will not
matter. And another line would be, If I just love him/her more, he/she
will change. Well, here's another martyr on the run, in which, he/she stay in an
unloving relationship for believing that love will overtake that conflict. Or, one
would say, If I could have loved him/her more, I could have saved it.
Here, it shows the wrong sacrifice we do for the sake of love. This
sacrifice is self-defeating.
I don't advocate that love does not move mountains. Love does do
wonders and miracles, but does not really conquers all. We still have our
own self and dignity to take care of. And believing on that love myth will
bring us to that consequences i described above. Perhaps, and most
probably, the reason why a relationship does not work is not because they don't
love each other, but because they are not compatible to each other as partners.
I know that deep in our hearts that the basic
thing in making a relationship work is that we must love the person. And
when I asks my young friends on what will make them love the person, they just
say "basta mahal ko siya" (as long as I love him/her). Vague as
it may seems, but the that's how most of us view love - so mysterious, so
unexplainable.