Part 11: Garland
[Enter The Light Warriors, in a forest outside of Corneria, having just finished killing a group of Forest Imps]
TRACER: Good job, yos! Lets go kill some more bad guys.
SPEK: Dude, we are all worn out from that bloody massacre. Even as weak as they are, with those numbers, they are quite the fighting force.
TRACER: What are you talking about, they didn�t even hurt me.
PSIKO: That is because we are wearing Iron Armor, whereas those two only have Cloth.
TRACER: Gotcha! But why are they only wearing Cloth?
PSIKO: You see, we all have an encumbrance rate, which is determined by our Strength scores. Ours, Tracer, are much higher than theirs, so we can carry more upon our backs and not be slowed by it, but they have a much lower Strength score. Therefore, those two, unless they wish to crawl from town to town, must wear only Cloth. In addition, if they wore armor, it would hinder the flow of magic through their bodies, and raise the chance of which a spell might fail.
SPEK: Um, our spells always work, armor or not.
PSIKO: Oh, then, uh...in that case...I...we must have a lenient DM then.
SPEK: What the hell are you talking about? There is no stupid DM running this!
PSIKO: Sure there is, there is always a DM to run any adventure. This would be considered an adventure, therefore there must be a DM for it.
SPEK: Just shut up before I NUKE j0 ass!
PSIKO: Ahem, you have no spells higher than level one, remember?
SPEK: Damnit all again! Well then, I�ll just LIT j0 ass!
PSIKO: I have a higher Dexterity score than you, so I could react faster than you and zap you with my own LIT spell before you could even react.
SPEK: Uh...just shut up now.
ROSE: Boys! Quit fighting like little children! We have a common goal, remember? We must go and kill Garland, and save Princess Sara.
SPEK: She is right, and I shall follow her wherever she goes.
PSIKO: In other words, you are going to stalk her?
SPEK: Damn you! Quiet I say! She is not suppose to know!
ROSE: Know what?
SPEK: Nothing, now let us go kill Garland.
ROSE: Okay.
[The party travels on to the Temple of Fiends, slaying more Forest Imps along the way. Here, they stand outside the giant doors of the ancient white castle]
ROSE: I sense a lot of evil in here...and somehow I do not think it is Garland I am sensing...
SPEK: Nonsense, this place has been deserted for almost 500 years, there is nothing but Garland and his minions. Maybe it is those which you sense.
ROSE: Yeah, maybe...but that would mean that they are stronger than Garland himself.
SPEK: Alright, so it is decided that Garland is weak compared to his minions, so lets find Garland.
PSIKO: I think you are wrong.
SPEK: What!?
PSIKO: You are wrong, the minions are not stronger than Garland, it is something else.
SPEK: You can sense those things too?
PSIKO: No, but it is simple logic that drives me to this answer. You see, even though the first boss is always the easiest of them all, his minions, as a rule, must also be weaker than he is. Therefore, if there is something stronger than Garland in there, then it must be some hidden evil force which we shall encounter at a later time, as predestined by the fate which drives us here now.
TRACER: Huh?
SPEK: So you are saying that we will be returning here at a later time to face an even bigger foe than Garland, sometime in our future?
PSIKO: Precisely.
SPEK: Bah! Foolish nonsense. Now let�s kick Garland�s ass!
[The group enters the Temple of Fiends, and walk right up to Garland without any trouble]
GARLAND(To Sara, his back turned on the Light Warriors, not yet aware of their presence): So I told that darned Forest Imp, �If you ever come back here, you�ll get an even bigger beating than this one!�
SARA: Wait a minute, you are telling me that you actually did not run away from the imp?
GARLAND: Um...yeah...I didn�t run at all. Of course he did not run into the glass panel I was standing behind and run away like a coward afterward, while I was quaking with fear.
SARA: ...
GARLAND(Aside): She doesn�t suspect a thing.
SARA: Don�t look now, but there is a surprise behind you.
GARLAND: Ooh, I like surprises! What is it?
SARA: See for yourself.
[Garland turns around and sees the Light Warriors standing there with weapons drawn]
GARLAND: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! It�s the Light Warriors! Help me!
SPEK: No one can save you, foul scum. Attack Tracer!
[Tracer thrusts his Rapier forward, and Garland slumps to the ground]
GARLAND: Ho, I have been killed by thine blade.
SPEK: Enough dramatics, get up and fight. You are fooling no one.
GARLAND: Fools, that shall be the last thing you ever request...
SARA: Would you stop with this whole intimidation thing, it is not working, especially not when you soiled your armor when you saw them.
GARLAND: Quiet woman, I have plans for you when I am through teaching these fools a lesson.
SARA: What, bore me to death with false tales of you beating the Forest Imps?
GARLAND: I said QUIET! Leave me be, woman, so I may kill these weaklings!
SARA: Ha! You, kill them? That has to be the funniest thing I�ve heard in a long time. You can�t kill a stupid Forest Imp that has 8 hit points, so what makes you think you can beat four armed Light Warriors?
GARLAND: ...QUIET YOU!
PSIKO (To Spek): Quick, backstab him with you knife while his back is turned. It�ll do four times as much damage, plus you�ll get the surprise bonus modifiers to it.
SPEK: Sweet! [Backstabs Garland, who is unharmed]
GARLAND: Huh, what was that?
SPEK: Oh shit!
GARLAND: You wish to challenge Garland? Very well, I Garland, shall knock you all down like apples from a tree.
SARA: Oh my...that is...the funniest thing! [Bursts out into laughter]
GARLAND: I will say it one more time...QUIET WOMAN!
PSIKO: Enough idle banter. Tracer, do your thing.
TRACER: Yippe! Um...what is my thing?
PSIKO: Kill him with your sword.
TRACER: Ooh, I like swords! ULTRA-QUADRA OCTO SLASH! [Charges Garland, hacking away furiously at his armor, Garland�s blood dripping onto the ground]
GARLAND: Arg! I should have become a politician like my mommy said! [Dies]
ROSE: That was easy enough.
SPEK: Yeah, I think the Forest Imps put up a better fight than he did.
SARA: That was an excellent attack...but Ultra-Quadra Octo Slash?
TRACER: Yuuuuuuuuuuuuup!
SARA: What is up with that name?
TRACER: You see, the Ultra-Quadra is there for flashy effect, but the Octo represents the almighty Octopus, one of the 37 animal attacks we learn in sword school. The slash is there because I slash my opponent.
SARA: Right, I won�t even ask you to try and explain that again. I suppose this is the end of this part.
TRACER: Huh? End of what part?
SARA: This part of your adventure. The next time anything is shown, you�ll be back at the castle, talking to me and my father.
SPEK: How does that work?
SARA: I never can quite understand it myself, how when you rescue some important character from the depths of an evil layer, you are magically teleported back to safety, without harm. It�s just one of those odd quirks, I guess.
PSIKO: It�s simple, you see...
SPEK: Enough of that complicated number talk from you! No one cares about your numbers or dice rolls or encumbance rates.
PSIKO: That would be Encumbrance rates.
SPEK: Whatever! I, for one, am tired of hearing those pointless ramblings.
ROSE: So am I.
SPEK: What about you, Tracer?
TRACER: Swords, yo!
SARA: Enough. It is time to magically appear in the throne room, let us be off...
[Exeunt]