Visiting the Void

Visiting the Void

going to tease the spider, the black spot on the web
again visiting the void, once more staring into the vaccuum
floating through the past conversations -
discouraging moments, hellish thoughts;
I experience antipathy for those who openly reveal
their dual guises - the masks they wear - and for
the masses who hide behind their facades and do not
show this twofold personality so bravely.

I weather the shadows of others, ghosts occupying
the territory, present and pixilated, but containing no
substance; taunted by their debilitated illusions, plagued
by their flaccid, feeble imaginations, I hear these voices; yet
the general populace of shades give me not
recognition...occasionally a voice will address me
and if it is in a language I can understand,
I can concede; sporadically, I hear a voice with resonance
and when I look for it I find a spirit with more pith,
more substance than the herd - my intellect resounds and
reacts; my soul rejoices in the fact that for a brief period,
I am not alone. I triumph - the spider dies.

in between the voices of maturity I encounter
angry visions that never fail to startle me,
all reinforcing my decision - I withdraw once more to myself
visiting inside again, into the gears of my own machinery;
I must always keep the web defined inside me and
remember that the scant value of this spectre
in my life cannot be taken so gravely.

2000 Mary Coleman

What It Means...

This one is about a time in my life that was a good time, but it had a lot of bad stuff with it. It is specifically about a website, The Void (no longer around), which was a posting board where fans of one particular band would hang out. One or two of the band members themselves were hanging out there (I was emailing with one of them), and it was a lot of fun, for awhile. The band members got to be friends with everyone, and even appointed a few of them (who were offline friends of theirs, whom they trusted) to positions in their fan club. This angered others (a lot of others), who thought there were better choices (every one of them thought they were better for the job). It then became scary. You have to remember that even though this was an online forum, these were people we knew offline, some of us saw each other every day or so. It was amazing how people forgot friendships, how they climbed over other people (rose to places at the expense of innocent people), and how they turned against even the band they claimed to love, in an attempt to get close to them (there were those taking potshots at the band members' wives, even). It's basically how a handful of people could really F*CK up some good stuff for the rest of us. I soon figured out that I didn't have to participate in that crap to be a fan, and I left the site, for good. That's what the end of it means, that I can still be a fan without letting this crap interfere in my life.

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