never enough and far too much:

i am left to wonder briefly

my mind wandering

over plains and hills

of thought so sharply

undefined and vague

existentialist musings

of how and why and when

and where and what is

life and love and am i worthy?

nightmares have never dragged

me from sleep but near

hopelessness has kept

me awake for nights on end

and prayers and pleas

that it could all be made clear

resound with hollowness

tinny and flat and over exposed

like our souls from so

many years of untamed excess

and we are left to drift

on this expanse of our own making

and gaze upon all of creation

with eyes so wide and shocked

gaping at the absurdity of it all

and of the beauty, too, for

all of time and space and history

and culture and this experiment

that we call humanity

is as vivid and rich

as it is dark and sinister

and it is overwhelming

the implications of this destiny

we have inherited

that reach so far backwards and forwards

and radiate out from every point

into the infinite distance of eternity

and we have no map

only jumbled, drunken clues -

to lure us, tease us,

leave us stumbling -

and this inherent compulsion

that drives us onwards

looking, searching, dissecting

gasping under the weight,

the heavy burden of the unknown,

a culmination of everything

we have sought to discover

and all of this knowledge that

we have gathered with pride

and in the name of progress

has brought so much ruin and

yet still leaves us no closer

to the answers we truly seek

i swallow hard the impending

wrenching twist of dread that rises

from within, the fear

that in all of this complex simplicity

there is never enough

and far too much

to ever really know anything at all