| Carver pokes her fingers through the hole in the mattress. "Damn
it," she growls as she reaches under the mattress and flips it over. Maybe
if the stuff with Cade works out, I can afford a new one; until then, belly-side
up.
She wonders where Harry is; she made sure he was set up in the
guest room. Don't think about Harry, that's dangerous territory.
The ripped sheets have already been thrown away and now Carver begins to put the
new sheets on. She has to put a knee on the bed and stretch to get it around the
corner without having to move around the bed. Her arms stretch to their limit
and she can feel her dress slide up her legs as she strains to get the cloth in
place.
* * * Today has been... strange. Sure, it was great meeting Cade and
all that. Amped was real fun too... so was Carver. Yea, something was definitely
weird about her. Sometimes it was like they were good friends having a blast together,
like that time in the club. But then he'd remember last night and the agreement,
and he'd spend so much time trying to defuse it... and sometimes she'd be so hesitant
and quiet... those looks, what did it mean?
Wow, this house is quiet...
kinda big for two people but Amped could afford it. Just check on her, something
is obviously bothering her. He's her friend - that's exactly what he's supposed
to be - and friends help each other. Find out if everythi...
Harold stops at Carver's open door and freezes almost immediately as he sees her
straining with the sheet. Wh... he knows that body, very
intimately, but even like this it makes him... No, damn it, stop it! Lightly tapping
his knuckles on the door, he strains to keep his voice level, "Uh... need
some help?" * * * Carver spins at Harry's voice, ending up sitting on the bed.
Surprise flashes across her face and she stammers, "No, I, uh, well, no.
I was just lazy."
She gets up and quickly moves around the bed,
tucking the corner under. That done, she moves to the end of the made bed and
sits down, smiling at him. "Uh, did you really come to help me do chores?
Or do you need some blankets or towels or something?"
* * * Whoops, probably shouldn't have surprised her.
Harold blushes at Carver's surprise, "Uh, not exactly... can I come in?"
He slips into the room after she nods and takes a seat on a stool.
Okay...
real easy... just do what you did before... No, not that,
the other thing! Idiot, he's not some horny high schooler. "I, ah," he fumbles, trying to gather
the words, "Is everything okay? I mean, you seem a little... uh, distracted
sometimes today." Probably Cade, that guy was like a walking Calvin Klein
commercial. * * * "Harry," Carver's voice is barely a whisper. "You
know what's wrong. It's been bothering you today, too. We... probably shouldn't
have slept together."
Her heart clenches as she says, "It was
wonderful, but look what it's doing to us. We've been crazy toward other ever
since. We probably shouldn't have done this - what if we've ruined it?"
Carver gets up off the bed and walks over to Harry, kneeling in front of
him. She takes his hands and murmurs, "I never wanted to hurt you, and I
think that I have done something terrible to you. I'm sorry, Harry, so sorry."
* * * It had been bothering him... maybe not the way she thought, but
it had. Is it stupid desire? Is it a feeling that once he's had a taste he's earned
a chance to go again? Don't be such a prick, she deserves better.
But
hurting him? Has she? God, don't clench those hands, don't make it worse! Harold's
face softens and his still gently wrap into Carver's, "I... I made the choice.
You're not to blame." It's true, it was his responsibility... own up to it
with her, don't let her carry another weight around.
His chin dips into his chest and his eyes close, "I was the one who
should've been thinking. I was the one comforting. And I was the only one who
wanted something more between us... You shouldn't feel bad because I didn't think...
I never wanted you to be crazy towards me... I mean crazy in one way but not a
bad way..." His chest heaves with a sigh, "You didn't... I just want
to keep you in my life..." * * * "No, Harry, I'm not saying go away," Carver insists,
pulling a hand loose to tip his chin up. "I'm just concerned - no, I'm afraid
that I'll hurt you, if I haven't already."
Her lips tremble as she
asks, "Have I hurt you? I know it was your choice, but it was my suggestion,
and my body." Carver blushes but pushes onward. "Because I wouldn't
be able to handle it, knowing that I've hurt you. Please, Harry, have I hurt you?"
* * * No, she's hurting, that isn't right... Harold opens his eyes
to look at Carver again, "I... you can only hurt me if you push me away...
Carver, I..."
His face contorts and there's already a waver in his
voice. Just talk, damn it! Words! It's what people do to express themselves! Speak!
Emotions fight over his face, but somehow his body doesn't shift under the stress
and his voice drops lower and lower with each word, "You didn't hurt... I
want... I... I can't find the words..." * * * "Harry, how can you say that I didn't hurt you if you're
sitting here in so much pain?" Carver whispers. Sitting upright and slipping
her body between his knees, Carver gives into her wants. She slips her arms around
him and gives him a hug, pressing her face to his chest.
* * * Oh no, she's hugging him... God, having her so close again...
Harold's arms instinctively wrap around Carver's slight body, pulling her in as
if her being that close makes the world feel real, "It's because I can't
do what I want... I can lose even more if I do... and I said I wouldn't... and
it'd be wrong..."
She tilts her head back enough to see him, "I
don't understand, Harry. What are you talking about?"
Look at herand
that wonderful face will look so pained... He fights to keep his voice and expression
under control, pushing back any hint at pain, "I can't be with you... its
wrong but that doesn't make it easy... and I agreed to not even tell you this..."
* * * "Oh, Harry," Carver sighs, rubbing his back. "I
never should have involved you in this. I never should have asked you to comfort
me. I should have just suffered through it."
Her hands can't stop
moving over his back; she wants to touch him. Already, her body remembers what
they did last night and she can feel it responding. Pressed to his chest, she
can recall what it feels like to kiss his skin.
Her fingers splay across
his back as her nose edges into his chest, inhaling. She can smell soap and below
that Harry. She takes a deep sniff, intending to be strong and step away from
him soon. Yeah, any moment now.
* * * So close... This is how it started last time, wasn't it? Harold
shakes his head and a bit of strength pops back into his voice, "No. No one
should have to suffer like that. You should never have to deal with that pain
alone."
He slowly shakes his head, unconscious fingers already finding
their way through Carver's hair to find the base of her head, "It's my fault...
I care about you, Carver. I really really care about you... Even before last night, I think..."
He's not supposed to even be thinking this, let alone speaking it.
"I'm
the problem... I want something more than what we agreed to, emotionally, not
physically... and I'm a fool; you've told me you don't want that... you don't
care for me like that, not like I do for you." * * * Carver is crying by the time he's done talking, tears rolling
down her face. "I knew... but I never should have... Harry, god, I'm sorry,"
she whispers. "I shouldn't have done this to you."
She slowly,
regretfully pulls away from him, sitting back on her heels. "Is there anything
I can do?" she asks. "I mean, I know that there is one thing that I
can do, but I can't. Is there anything else I can do?"
Some
deep dark place wishes that he would ask her for a night of comfort...
* * * It's hurting her... God, this is not how things are supposed
to be. He's an idiot and he did it to her. Try to salvage some of this, make her
feel better about something. Harold shakes his head, trying to shift things, "Carver,
I told you it's my fault. It was my
decision and it's my problem to carry. Please do not blame yourself." Idiot
idiot idiot; it is his fault.
She's only having a problem because he's having a problem and he feels horrible
about it. He shuts his eyes to let out a long breath, trying to pace his voice,
"I knew I shouldn't feel like this, I know I shouldn't have ever told you,
and it's up to me to make it go away. I won't be a problem and it won't be a problem."
Yea, great, wonderful, be a goddamn fool. Way to
fuck it all up. God, was there a way to make this so he could still help her without
all of... this stuff? Harold opens his eyes again, keeping
his eyes focused on Carver's, "First... promise me you won't push
me away. I won't be a problem; I'm still here for you, understand? Promise me we're still friends that are
honest and supportive." * * * "Harry, you don't even need to ask me that," Carver
smiles through her tears. "You're my friend - that's why I want to fix this,
make it right for you. I knew you liked me, but... I never should have taken advantage
of you like that. I should have been stronger."
* * * Damn, she's focusing on the wrong thing. Harold shakes his head
again, "Carver, listen to me: you needed the comfort and the support. You
needed it and it's my job as your friend to help you. And you can't take advantage
of someone who knows what's going on, right?"
His train of thought
from before slips away, dominated by what's being pushed
forward, "It's not like I made it happen anyways, neither of us did."
His voice softens, gradually slowing down and weakening, "I just need to
put that feeling somewhere else... because you're never going to feel that way
anyways... it's just... God, I'm tired of being alone..." * * * "Harry," Carver sighs, her heart clenching in her chest.
She moves back close to him, close enough so that she can gently take his face
in her hands. "I've never said that I wouldn't feel that way - in fact, I've
pretty sure I've said that in the future, there's a chance I will."
Now it was time for a confession. Carver meets his eyes nervously. "I...
I wouldn't be so tied up in knots over this if I didn't care," she whispers.
"You're not alone Harry, not completely." She kisses him lightly on
the lips, surprised by how much she likes doing this.
* * * Even this little feels so good... The thought of losing her is
like a knife to his heart, but even in the face of that pain her lips taste so
sweet and feel so right. Harold's hand reaches on its own for that spot on Carver's
neck, thumb slowly tracing a circle as fingers sneak into that wonderful hair,
and he slowly breaks the light kiss, "I... God, Carver, I'm so lost... I
just don't know what's what anymore."
Why can't things just be easy?
Whatever happened to simple? God, she's so wonderful... Instincts take him and
he leans into kiss her deeply, filled with the kind of passion from the night
before, before he pulls away again, "I'm sorry... I... let's just make it
simple tonight... just care for each other and put off all of this frustration
for tomorrow..." * * * Could he mean... did he want...? Carver doesn't care; she happily
accepts the interpretation that she wants. His lips are inches away, and Carver
kisses him again. Her lips, tongue and teeth make a concerted
effort to please him, to elicit those noises that he is now making. After last
night, she knows what he likes, and she uses that knowledge without mercy.
When they're both panting with lust and desire, Carver breaks away. "The
guest room," she whispers. "Since it's in the basement, we don't have
to worry about waking Amped up."
* * * Guest room... right, right, that's a good idea. Harold nods silently
in agreement and sneaks one last passionate kiss from Carver before standing up.
This could just be another mistake. They're just acting on the moment - did she
mean what he thinks she meant when she told him that last thing? - and
it could just make things worse. No, it won't make it any worse than it is and
at least they'll find some comfort together... he hopes.
Both of them
silently slip down the stairs, leaving almost no evidence of their path, and Harold
doesn't even notice Carver's preternatural stealth as they descend. He feels so
naughty but excited at the same time. Pensive about the future but aching for
what's immediately to come. God, that body, that mind... If Amped wasn't here they would've even
be walking by now.
He's fit to burst even before they reach the downstairs
room, watching those hips he's learned so well hint at what's waiting. Oh God,
they're not getting to the room soon enough for him. He follows her through the
door way, turning around long enough to close the door, and reaches out to pull
her close again. He knows her body so well now, what spots to squeeze, to nibble,
to kiss, to lick, and he finds them with ease. His back shudders against the door
as their momentum holds them together and he whispers into her ear while reaching
for her earlobe with his teeth, "Tonight lovers, tomorrow friends..."
* * * "Tonight lovers,"
she starts to agree, but he gets his teeth around her earlobe and she can't finish.
With a growl, she runs her hands over his clothing, skimming all the parts that
she wants to examine more fully later.
A thought occurs to her and she
whispers, "That promise you made... that was only for last night, right?
Could I do that tonight? Would you like to try it too?" As she talks, she
slips her hand over the front of his pants, feeling his readiness. Even through
the clothes, the sensation of him full and hard makes her weak in the knees. |