August 2002
I crave how empty we are together.
Going in, I find the hollowness within me
And cherish it - for to fill a gap
Requires only the intangible things.
Coming out, I find the world replete
With pictures and figures at frantic pace,
Crowding me out of it.
I wanted to retreat again,
Let the black spots of my eyes spread like inkblots;
Imploding gently.
It's not fear that keeps me in exactly,
Mostly longing for a world
Where I need not carve myself,
But fill an emptiness without effort,
Like the moon in the sky,
Or your hand in my hand.
...
They're telling me to wake up,
Asking me questions to test my awareness,
Filling up even more of my vision
With their frames and nonsense.
I want to say:
Stop, empty out this world
And I will join you in it once again...
And until then, I will find a place more vacant
And inhabit it uncarefully.
Only in love
And in anesthesia
Do I finda place empty enough for me -
Which only makes it harder
Coming out of it.
