Yes, blithe. Oh, and I realise that marmalade is spelled incorrectly, just so you know. However, I think that the e looks better than the a, so for all intensive purposes, marmalade is now marmelade. And so there aren't 100 things here yet. There will be someday, son. So back off my junk and read the 30 or so that exist at this point.

Well, yes. Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat. - Anna, Notting Hill

• Back in my meat-eating days, the Chicken Bacon 'n Swiss sandwich from Arby's made me wild. I really don't like Arby's a whole lot, but I could have lived on those and their cheese fries. The cheese fries are nothing spectacular, but just the fact that the cheese comes in a little dipping cup makes it all worthwhile, don't you think?

• The packages of three white, cotton T-shirts that Hanes makes. They're really thin and super roomy, so they can be easily ripped off when the occasion calls for a good shirt-ripping. The V-neck ones are best for use as pajamas, I've found.

• Men who cry for good reason. Crying just because you're a wimp is not cool, but any man who is man enough not to be embarrassed by crying is a man. (Yeah, like that made any sense.)

• Soccer players. That's all that needs to be said. I love them with a passion.

• Crayola Crayons, especially the Big Box. My favorite color is macaroni-n-cheese, but they're all so wonderful. I have problems actually using crayons, because I don't want to wear down their sharp points, but oh, the joy I feel when I actually do use them. I used to carry around a box in my book bag in high school for all of those unexpected coloring needs.

• Thanksgiving. The turkey. The stuffing. The scalloped corn. Mmm, what a holiday.

• Cadbury Cream Eggs, Peeps, and chocolate peanut butter anything at Easter time. Easter rocks, let me just say that. I horde my Easter candy for months, while my sister downs hers in the first two days. Later, I start eating mine in front her just to get her panties in a bunch. Ahh, how I love bunched panties.

• Okay, fine. All holidays in general.

• Family traditions like setting off our own fireworks on the 4th of July and opening presents in order of age on Christmas Eve at my grandparents' house.

• Really clever commercials. They're so sparse these days, so when you find a good one, son, hold on to it.

• Guys with really well-kept long hair. Works of art to be appreciated.

• Guys who work at bookstores. They're nearly guaranteed to be literate, which is basically all I'm asking for.

• Cold pizza, especially in the morning. Nothing like it.

• When Tracey takes down her crazy hair, turns off all the lights, heats up her lava lamp, puts in Nine Inch Nails's Closer, and dances around her room. A sight to behold.

• Ballroom dancing with Mike during lunch in my mom's classroom back in the day.

• Those really slow songs that make me totally sad and depressed but leave me with a good feeling. You don't know what I'm talking about? Listen to Blur's song Tender or Collective Souls' Run.

• Running my hands thru other people's hair.

• Messenger bags. I'm always making interesting discoveries in mine, because I put absolutely everything I own in it.

• Hostess Cup Cakes. You have to take the icing off the top and eat it last, though. That's the only way that they're good, you know.

• Seeing old high school friends at work, school, or anywhere else. I'm quite sure that I'm doing more with my life than they are with theirs, so it's always such an ego trip for me.

• The word prolly. Everything about it. Especially the fact that it's not a real word.

• Songs for driving. You know, the ones that make you just wish you could drive along the highway in your black and silver '86 Blazer for the rest of your life. My favourite picks include Eve 6's Open Road Song & Echo and the Bunnymens' Get in the Car.

• Eating pears in the dark with Tracey on Friday nights. Don't ask. Just picture it. No, we're not naked. Okay, stop picturing, pervert.

• Crystal Clear Pepsi. Who wasn't buying that stuff? I mean, really.

• Freshly-made beds. They just sit there, all neat and calm, just inviting me to hop in and make a ruckus.

• Faux lemon flavour.

• Travel pillows. Why? I'm not sure, quite frankly.

• The ottoman. Not only does it have a fabulous name, but it's just a fine piece of multi-purpose furniture.

• Eye-rubbing after a day of contact wear-age. Once I pop those suckers out, my hands go to work.

• People who go offline as soon as I'm finished talking to them on their AOL Instant Messenger, proving that they were only there for my company.

• Learning about the wonders of the character map. Click Start, choose Run, type charmap, and get on it.

• Being a hick. Having a built-in excuse for driving 25 miles per hour on the highway, using the word you'uns, having Yosemite Sam mud flaps, and chewing "tobaccy". Simply marvelous.