�Arch Nemesii�
Yes, I realise that the plural form of the word nemesis is nemeses. Yes, I realise that if anything, it would be nemesi. But I'm all about appearances here, and quite frankly, nemesii is about as cool-looking as it gets. It's my site and you'll accept whatever I say as truth, all right? Moving on. As you very well know, there are some things that just can't be tolerated. I have compiled a list of these things so you will know to avoid them. I'm not doing this to be mean, to hurt anyone's feelings, or even to get myself off. I just want to help you, my devoted follower, become a better person. Go forth, young one, and fill your mind with useless crap.
People who don't know how to spell the contraction of the words you are. It's so obviously you're that it physically pains me when I see the incorrect form used. Avoid public ridicule and just learn the difference.
People who don't say please, thank you, and excuse me. I don't care how chock full o' white trash genes you are. If you can learn to be polite, you can overcome even the horrors of being an inbred living in a housing development and driving a Cavalier.
People who don't know what the word compilation means.
People who don't use question marks when writing a question, as if the punctuation isn't the most important part of a sentence.
People who venture to the OSU website and look my name up in the directory without any intention of using the information to hunt me down and offer me their souls.
Two words: hoochie mamas.
Ridiculously oppressive rules placed on perfectly saint-like young people by parents who yearn for absolute control. (Note that this is in no way a reference to my wonderful parents.)
People who won't let me sit in the aisles of movie theaters, claiming that their Nazi behavior is due to some sort of law, an obvious lie.
People at The Buckle who leech on to you and make you buy clothes that you don't want. I realize that they work on commission, but come on, people, my soul was sold off long ago.
Little girls who use their bra sizes as their names in chat rooms. Sad, sad, sick, and disgusting.
People with huge arms who wear sleeveless shirts. I don't know about you, but I just don't want to see it.
Pit hair. Pretty self-explanatory, yes?
Toe and foot hair.
All right. Hair in general.
Screaming children at fireworks displays. Get some duct tape or something, parents.
Dirty flaming lesbians. Lesbians are one thing, but dirty flaming ones are something else entirely.
People who enjoy talking about masturbation on a daily basis. Actually, that doesn't bother me unless I'm quite sure that I'm not the one being thought of while the action is occurring.
Large people who stand in front of you at concerts and dance. No, I don't care that you say the music "moves" you. Let it move you somewhere else, sister.
Little kids and old people. Bad enough alone, but a combination of the two is simply unbearable.
Bands who say their own music sucks. Unless, of course, we're talking about old school Blink 182, in which case, rock on, Joe.
People who pretend to like the same stuff you do just so you'll think they're cool. A massive turn-on initially, but once the newness wears off and the stalker-esque behavior becomes obvious, it's all downhill from there.
When someone tries to solve the puzzle but pronounces something a little bit wrong Wheel of Fortune . Pat tells the person that he's incorrect and then tells the audience not to say anything. I mean, we all know that the contestant knew what the puzzle was. Seriously, does it really matter if he say getting instead of gettin'? No, I didn't think so. Pat's just a nasty guy all over the place. He feeds off of telling people that they're wrong. I just know it.
Musicians who don't put the words to their songs in their CD booklets. It's always the bands whose lyrics are the least understandable who find it unnecessary to share, too. I don't know if they want to be the only ones to know the words or what, but it's rather bothersome, really. In a related irksome instance, I hate when the booklet typist randomly inserts words into the written lyrics to make me appear the fool. How am I supposed to impress my friends if I don't know the real words?
The way CD booklets refuse to be taken out of the CD case. Why can't the folded edge be the one that faces out so the booklet can be pulled out easily? It seems ridiculous to think that I'm the only one frustrated by this.
Bad liars.
Ghetto spelling. I'm not from the ghetto. Neither are you. Let's spell like we're educated, shall we?
Girl "bands". Now, I'm not talking about bands such as Hole who are fronted by women. I'm talking about those nasty bands of 1-5 girls who don't really know how to sing but look like they'll put out, so people buy their records. Jessica Simpson is bothering me the most as of this moment.
People who send e-mail forwards to you without copying the message. Just hitting the Forward button is unacceptable in every way.
Soap opera plots. I despise soap operas entirely. It just really bothers me how the writers stretch one single part of the plot on for weeks and weeks, and then when they finally end it, it ends in an unbelievably stupid way that makes you stop and say, "Wait. I just wasted 15 hours of my life on that?"
Pickle ends. I love pickles, but I hate the very ends of them. They don't taste any different than the pickle middle, and they really don't look all that bad, but I just can't bring myself to eat them. Tracey likes them, so I don't have to waste them, but they still kind of chew on me.
People who hide links on their webpages and make you look for them. It especially bothers me when all you have to do is highlight the page and the link will show up. If they have some elaborate link-hiding system that they want to show off, I'll tolerate that, but if they just want to look cool...well, that's just not acceptable.
Spiders. I used to think that I just hated the sight of them, but I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm just plain scared of them. They're quite possibly my biggest fear, in fact. Moreso when they're dead and sprawled across my floor.
The way people assume that playing guitar makes them look cool. It's even become a rule that in order to be a good TV show, you have to have at least one brooding guitar player. I'm wholly unimpressed.
When you write to the webmaster of a Hotmail or something for help with a certain problem, and they send you back an e-mail with the link to Hotmail's FAQ. Come on. Let's think a little. If the question was answered in the FAQ, would I have written to you? Stupid.
Soundtracks for movies about teens. I admit that I own a few, but for the most part, I hate them. The movies always try to draw in poor, defenseless kids who think, "Fatboy Slim and Sixpence None the Richer are in it!? It must be good." Then, when you get to the movie, you realize that it really sucks and the soundtrack is basically the only thing saving you from ripping out your eardrums with a fork.
Magazines that split up articles. Take, for example, any issue of Rolling Stone. You begin reading an article on page 31. You get to the end of the first page, and it says, "Con't on pg. 138" at the bottom. Then, on your way to page 138, you spot an ad for the new XTC CD, and you forget why you were flipping to the back by the time you're done checking out the ad. It happens. Don't tell me it doesn't.
People who wear tennis shoes every day. I'm a shoe-aholic, and I can't even begin to comprehend how these people can have any self-respect. Honestly, even a trip to Target will yield fine results.
When you see someone who is potentially perfect, so you check them out, only to discover something about them that you could never get past. For instance, no self-respecting man or woman would ever marry a person of the opposite sex who wears socks with sandals or navy blue with black. And yet, it's happening every day in your very own neighbourhood.
When radio stations totally play out a song to the point that you absolutely hate it, then stop playing it completely. What's worse is when it's suddenly played one day, and you think, "Man, I used to hate this song." Then, you realize that you still do hate it, just because it's a bad song.
Ads at the top of websites that ask you to choose something or tell you to click on a specific area. You're mildly interested in why they want you to make a choice or click on one area only, but when you move your mouse to it, you realize that the whole ad is a link, and they really couldn't care less what you pick or where you click. It's so very disheartening.
People who can't even pretend to be interested in what others have to say. Even if you don't care, just look like you do. You say stupid things all of the time, and people pretend to like you, so do the same for them, you ingrates.
In high school, chicks who are so dumb that when a teacher calls out an answer to a problem, they scream, "Yesss! I got that right! I'm so smart! All right!" Drives me insane. You know that absolutely everyone in the class also had that answer, but well . . . you remember doing it. Don't try to deny it.
Mouth noises. Everyone makes them. I fully understand that. I just hate excessive ones. If you can't eat or talk without making them, just keep your mouth closed for the rest of your life.
People who ring fire alarm bells in elevators. You're not funny. You're not cute. You're not even being original. Every 10 year-old before you has done it. I don't like you.
People who quote themselves, far too proud of something clich�d that they think no one has ever thought before, something that they try to pass off as being "profound".
Dog men. I understand that you love him, but your dog will not be riding in my car or sleeping in my bed. Understand?
Men who refer to their penises as "third legs".
Men who don't understand that the word relationship can be synonymous with the word friendship. When I say that we have a good relationship, you don't have to assume that I'm naming our children and picking out a toaster.
People who don't think of their own subject lines and merely use mine when replying to my e-mails. You don't deserve to share my toaster.
The balding mullet. Men must think to themselves, "To compensate for my total lack of hair up front, I'll grow it incredibly long in the back and maybe no one will notice!" We notice.
People who buy CDs only to listen to the songs that they already know.
Men who are unappreciative of my green pants.
Green jelly beans that appear to be lime-flavoured, should be lime-flavoured, but turn out to be mint-y. Such utter disappointment.
Using songs as cell phone ringers, especially anything of the classical genre. When my phone cries out to me, I want it to ring, not sing.