Who: Clem Snide • Ben Folds
So, as a DJ for my lovely college radio station, I'm entitled to some fun freebies like Ben Folds tickets, so I guestlisted myself last Friday and invited Jonathan to come with me. He was unsure about his availability due to some nasty tests today, so I wasn't surprised when he called me early yesterday morning and explained his situation. I then called a guy named Justin who I randomly went out to lunch with on Thursday for the first time, and although he was feeling a bit tired from the Weezer concert on Wednesday night, he agreed to consider the offer and call me back, which he did at about 6:30 PM. At this time, he told me that he was, in fact, too tired to venture out, which I took as a total lie and used my disappointed girly voice to the best of my ability. It was futile; not even the "I'll have to go alone if you let me down" guilt trip worked. Josh Rea just happened to start talking to me on AOL Instant Messenger at this very instant, so I asked him to go, though the two of us have only met once and know each other only a bit from online conversations. He seemed rather skeptical about the whole deal but agreed to meet at the Newport at 8. Because Josh had worked all day at Victoria's Secret, packaging women's panties like the true pervert he is, I decided to go early to grab us a table so that he could rest his aching feet. I arrived at 7, expecting absolutely no one to be there. Honestly, I thought I was the only one who had bothered to try out Ben Folds without the Five. I was wrong.
The line was a mile and a half long, and no tables had been set up inside, but I just left Josh's name at the box office and ventured to the soundboard. Clem Snide began, and I decided that he was chosen to tour with Ben Folds for the sole reason that the singer is the only person alive who is more of a dork than Ben is. He was wearing a brown suit with thick black glasses and made the audience do things like “give it up for sex” with clapping before he sang his song about sex. He actually threw his fist into the air and shouted, “Sex RULES!” at one point. He also had a song that he wrote from Jewel’s perspective and jumped off of one of his amps at the end of it, losing his balance and nearly falling over. I really got the feeling that the their whole act was really just an act, but I liked the fact it was only the singer and drummer played last night. They were fun and punk but a little too topical for me; fun and punk is good as long as you can throw just one relatively deep song into the set. The guy standing next to me kept moving the railing that we were leaning against, so I was just about to move, when a tall, dark, handsome near-stranger approached me and asked if he was on time. I simply answered in the negative and turned to reacquaint myself with Josh's appearance. I didn't remember him having such red, bushy sideburns, and I wasn't expecting the way that he was dressed - vintage-y yellow leather coat, multi-coloured scarf, old man hat, little sweater vest, tee shirt underneath. I loved it. He ventured up to the balcony to search for seating and came back to fetch me a couple of minutes later. Josh took off up the stairs at 90 miles per hour with his 10-foot legs, while I followed at the Speed of Katie™, allowing me to test him. He passed the test, waiting for me to catch up when he realised that he was light years ahead of me.
He took us to the very last row of the balcony seating, asked me how my blue shoes were doing, and smoked his cigar like the way-cooler-than-me he is. (Yes, I just used the words way cooler than me as a noun.) When Clem Snide finished his set with a version of the Olivia Newton-John-ish song Hopelessly Devoted to You and jumped from Ben's piano to the floor . . . twice . . . in the same song . . . a major faux pas . . . Josh then basically told me his entire life story . . . or at least the reasons why he and his dad don't get along. I find it very amusing that all of my friends are so interested in Josh after reading my first Day in the Life about meeting him, because they all feel like they know his dad. Were Josh just some random guy without a father whom we all watch co-anchor the local news at 5, 6, and 11 PM, I would certainly care just as much about how he and his dad get along, but I imagine that Josh just expects everyone to only care about him because of his pseudo-famous father. I worry that he has to think the same of me after our first encounter at Graeter's, but well, I don't. Anyway . . .
Many years later, Ben came onstage, half-sat on his little stool, and pounded through:
Not the Same :: I didn't become fully aware of the fabulousosity of this song until the day of the concert. Great choice for an opener.
I really thought that Josh was going to gouge his eyes out at the lack of Ben Folds Five material, but I was actually quite pleased with the little bit of old stuff, as it suddenly became more special when played as the encore. It was made clear to me that Ben Folds is Ben Folds is Ben Folds no matter if he plays with a band or by himself; his solo stuff sounds much like the early work of Ben Folds Five to me. And he's still such a geek. In a really good way. I loved Ben's ability to make fun of himself in claiming that life is so, so hard for the middle class white man. There he was, in all of his balding glory, singing about everyman's simple problems like wanting chicks he can't have. He could do it in such a meloncholy way, but he instead employs this airy attitude of "I'm a bit confused about life but won't let it keep me down". He was clever. He was beautiful. He was passionate. Ben's voice sounds in concert exactly as it does recorded, which is no small feat, brothers. He belted out his business and slammed on his piano like it was his job . . . which it is . . . but he obviously enjoys it too much to make it seem that way. The music was clean and surprisingly fresh and made me want to sing . . . and jump around . . . and use an unnecessary amount of ellipses when writing about it. The only disappointment of the night? The lack of The Luckiest, the song that my husband will sing to me at our wedding right after AC/DC's Let Me Put My Love Into You. (Aww, yeah.) Other than that, all was right with the world. Columbus may not be any kind of suburb, but Ben certainly did rock it. Oh, yes. Yes, he did.
Where: Newport Music Hall • Columbus, Ohio
When: December 6th, 2001
Zak and Sara :: Without an h
Fired with a Take This Job and Shove It intro
Annie Waits :: My favourite song on Rockin' the Suburbs and what I would have chosen as the opener was it up to me . . which it wasn’t, surprisingly.
Still Fighting It
Hiro's Song :: Oh, the pain! the heartache!
Carrying Cathy
The Ascent of Stan :: Ben's drummer was featured on triangle during this song, and Ben claimed that the guy was a recent graduate of the Triangle Institute of Technology, TIT. Nothing beats a good mention of the word tit, I always say.
Fred Jones Part 2
Gone :: Ben opened this song with, "Let's kick this shit, homies!" It must be amazing to be Ben Folds.
Make Me, Mommy :: I'm not sure of the actual title of this song or if it even has an actual title, but it involved Ben yelling, "You go to your room!" at his bandmates and the audience shouting back, "You make me, Mommy!" per his command.
Rockin' the Suburbs :: Ben donned a lovely red baseball cap backwards for this song and told us about the pain of not being able to have the things he wants, like peanut butter bars and hotel windows that can be opened. Oh, the horror. At the end, he used his weird strap-on keyboard thing to fire at us while the drummer made shooting sounds on his set. It wasn't normal. At all.
• encore •
Best Imitation of Myself
One Down, 3.6 to Go :: A song that Ben wrote just to finish out his contract with a record company. More than mildly amusing.
Philosophy
Evaporated :: My favourite Ben Folds-related song ever. "I poured out my heart and it evaporated"? Yeah, that's good.
Song for the Dumped :: Perfect way to end the concert. Really.