Here it is. The entire month of May for the year 2001. Don't you just feel like a part of my life? Doesn't it make you all warm & fuzzy inside to know that I'm sharing a part of myself with you? I know it does. Read on, starting from the bottom.
May 26th, 2001: Well, if you remember correctly, I had a thing last summer for a guy named Nick at my job at COSI. If you don't remember, I won't blame you. On one of the last days that Nick worked with me before moving from Guest Services to Safety Services, I had grown weary of guessing and finally up and asked him what was up with us - were we to have children or just continue to have tea? He basically told me that he was still interested in seeing me . . . but only in a friend-like way . . . and I wasn't really even sure if he was sincere about that. I was put off, obviously. Needless to say, we didn't ever go out after that; in fact, we didn't even speak to each other for the rest of the summer. In fact, I didn't start speaking to him up until a few weeks ago. Quite frankly, I had repressed his existence up until that time. And actually, he began speaking to me. Actually, he began following me around, checking out my daily work schedule to see what area of the building I would be in at certain times so that he could come and visit me. I didn't get the "I want you so badly it hurts" vibe, though; I got the "you talk to me and I have nothing better to do" vibe. And when everyone who saw us together told me that I was flirting so much that I might as well go ahead and start naming our kids, I just blew them off and told them that I was doing nothing of the sort, that any possible flirting was purely accidental, because I was in no way interested in having anything with Nick.
This, of course, was a lie. I'm still attracted to Nick in every way. I love his sparkling blue eyes and his smile and his cleverness and his total dork persona. But I had to tell the lie, because I was totally unwilling to be taken for the fool by Nick again. I had more or less forgotten about what I like about him when school came around and I met so many new people, but there he was, following me around and reminding me. And then Adrienne's party came around. (Meet Adrienne on February 17th, 2001.) She was throwing it in honour of her 21st birthday, and I had already planned on going to it before Nick told me that he would be there. However, another guy from work was throwing his A#1 Chinese Party on the same night, and although Adrienne had invited me to hers first, my lovely friend Chuck kept bugging me about coming to the Chinese Party, so I figured that I would put in a bit of an appearance at both. Nick and I talked the morning of the parties about fast food, which I basically won't touch with even my prosthetic arm (yes, I have two real arms, you fool). Except for Wendy's french fries, that is. So, when Nick came back from lunch, he happened to bring with him an order of Wendy's french fries that he told me that he no longer wanted. Call it a coincidence. Call it purely accidental. I call it something else. When I gave him a hug in thanks, though, he turned out to be a totally non-committal hugger, and I called him on it. We walked around for a bit together that afternoon, so I took him up to Space to meet Chuck so that they could battle it out for me. On my way outside later, Nick had to stop and talk to one of his co-workers, so I walked off without him, wearing the pants of the relationship as I love to. Such comfortable pants, they are. The kicker was when he called up to Little Kidspace about 10 minutes later in the midst of a crowd of people attacking me with the butts of rifles, trying to get in. He told me that he just wanted to say good-bye, and trying to fend off the angry mob, I'm sure I sounded very perturbed at him for bothering me, as we were going to see each other in a few hours, anyway. It was only later that I realised what a gesture that was on his part. (+400, 000 Potential Husband Points)
A couple of hours before the start of the parties, I began feeling like I didn't really want to have to move for the rest of the night. I sat in my suite room and made myself a bracelet while thinking up a hundred different excuses to stay home and sleep. I had work the next morning. I had my sister's high school graduation the next afternoon. I didn't want to be sucked into the drinking and debauchery that was sure to occur. But at 8:30, I hopped in the Blazer and headed over to Adrienne's. Finding myself able to park on the first try, surprisingly, I knocked on Adrienne's door and was greeted by her friend Myron, who opened the door for me from the couch. Myron had been wretchedly drunk every time that I had been with him up until that point, but somehow, he always manages to remember my name. I kind of stood by the door and contemplated where to go, as the couches were full of random strangers. Adrienne started to introduce me to the random strangers, but as soon as she pointed to Asa and said his name, I stopped paying attention and asked if I had met him before, which I hadn't but swore that I had. After the intros, I sat on the floor against the wall across from Adrienne and absorbed my surroundings. Ryan (or Bob, as some of you know him) called my cell phone a few minutes later and asked what the happenings were, so I handed him off to Adrienne, who made him promise that he would come over. When they hung up, I kind of noticed that Asa and his friend Brian were doing some looking at me, so I made fun of their college, Miami University, for a while to weed out the weak. I was very turned off by their drinking, but they thought I was amusing, and laughing at me wins one my heart, so I tolerated the Corona. After a bit, Perrin, the guy who was to take me to the A#1 Chinese Party, showed up, so I sat and talked to him for a bit before moving over to a couch, at which time Adrienne made me a margarita against my wishes. I began drinking, naturally, while Adrienne turned off the lights, turned up the music, and turned on her black light.
I was sitting between Asa and Brian, Brian's arm around me, when Nick came in. We didn't so much as even greet each other. Instead, I stayed where I was, and he sat down on the other side of Brian and began talking to his friend Nicole. Eventually, Brian got up to get a drink, and Nick scooted over beside me. I believe that I said hello to him, but Asa and I were talking about our hometowns, so Nicole and Nick began wrestling around next to me when I ignored them. I don't think I was jealous until Asa and Adrienne invited me to go out and light sparklers with the rest of the party and I declined, leaving me alone on the couch with the wrestling pair, Nick's arm around her shoulders. He seemed so unsure of what to do with himself, which I could have guessed, Nick seeming like the type to never have female contact of any sort. Some people came back into the room and sat on the other couches when Nicole got up to spiral further into drunkenness, so I pointed to Nick's brown bottle and said, "I thought you didn't drink." Root beer, it was, which I found terribly endearing. I was incredibly tired at that point, so I just leaned back and looked at Nick, who didn't mind staring back, surprisingly. Adrienne then brought out her whip, and much beating occurred. Asa and Brian gave Adrienne her birthday smacks. I was amused. Perrin decided that he was time for us to go then, so I tried to talk Nick into coming with me, but he said that he wouldn't be comfortable there, not knowing anyone and all. I told him that I wasn't going to go unless he came with me, but even my pleading looks weren't enough to coax him, so I allowed Perrin to go without me, which made Nick feel bad, my ultimate goal.
Nearly everyone was totally smashed at this point, but Myron had found the drink selection to be lacking, so he and Adrienne's roommate's boyfriend had taken off for Kroger on foot. They hadn't returned yet, and it had been about a hour, so Adrienne's roommate, Tammy, began getting a little worried, and Adrienne was walking around, blindly yelling, "Where is my Myron!?" So, drunken Tammy left on her wobbly legs to go find them without anyone noticing, which made everyone else go after her a bit later, leaving only Nick, Adrienne, and me at the apartment. I thought that the party was pretty much over and went to thank Adrienne for the fun, but just then, everyone came back, and the party had new life, Myron humping Tammy on the floor, Myron humping Adrienne on the floor, Adrienne humping everyone on the floor. I began feeling very, very ill from the margarita that I was still nursing, so I leaned over to rest my head on Nick's shoulder very innocently. He, however, decided to take it upon himself to put his arm around my shoulder, which I had no problem with. Suddenly, however, the arm around the shoulder turned into Nick putting both arms around me, rubbing my arms and tracing circles on my back, seemingly every bit as sure of himself now as he did unsure of himself with Nicole. I just allowed myself to relax and fall into him, which was a big mistake, as everyone started telling us how cute we were and snapping pictures. But I had no control over myself at that point. I was so tired that I actually began to let myself fall asleep on him, but just then, he had to get up to go to the bathroom. I found myself being almost relieved, as I'm not the type to lose control of myself. When Nick sat down again, though, I found my head back on his chest again, his arms around me again, him rubbing my back and squeezing me to him again as if he was worried that I was going somewhere. He kept nuzzling the top of my head with his chin, which makes him sound deer-like, but there's no better way to describe the action. I kept raising my head as if I was going to decide to get up, but instead I would just look at him or stroke his scruffy chin or something equally not me. I was ridiculous. What was even more ridiculous was when someone knocked on the door at around 12:30 and in walked the police to tell us to quiet down. Apparently, some of Adrienne's neighbors had decided just to call the cops rather than ask us to be quiet themselves. And apparently, the party could be heard from the street outside. He also said that he was angry at us for not inviting him. Way to try to fit in with the college kids, copper.
Well, after that, I was very much awake for a short while, but I ended up right back where I had been a bit later. This time, though, I actually did doze off for a moment, even though the party was in full swing still. When I awoke, I found Nick stroking my hand, which would have been about the sweetest thing that he could have possibly done at that point had he been even remotely interested in me. I told him in my half-coherent voice about the way that I always used to scratch the palm of Tracey's hand before we went to bed when I used to spend the night with her all of the time. (How dirty and lesbian does that sound? Aww, yeah.) So, I did that to him while he fought to do it back to me, which ended in him holding onto my fingers. This was enough for me. It was 1:30, and since I had work in seven hours and Joanie's graduation in thirteen, I decided to call it quits. Nick told me that he would walk me out, since he was planning on staying longer (to do the same thing that he had with me with countless other girls, I'm sure). When we got to the Blazer, I didn't really have much to say, so I just thanked him for a nice time and turned to give him a hug. I was expecting the same non-committal whatnot that I had received earlier in the day, but he actually put something into it, which made me proud.
I left with a good feeling. But I still don't want Nick, as stupid as that sounds coming from me. I think we have this odd understanding about the way that our relationship works. Yes, it felt good to feel good with someone, what with my recent onset of complete lack of interest in having anything more than friendly relationships. But I think I'm looking for myself in male form, and I'm certainly not going to find that with Nick. He would make a great friend, though. And well, that's all I need at this point.
May 5th, 2001: So, last night, two of my Mikes met. The two most important Mikes, actually. They weren't ever really supposed to meet, but things just panned out in such a way that it was inevitable. You see, I was scheduled to work until 11, and after that, Dave's Mike (named that because I met him through my friend Dave) wanted me to come to see The Mummy 2 with himself, his brother, a friend of his brother's, and Dave's friend Thad. I really wasn't all about seeing the movie, but I also wasn't all about sleeping, and I was all about seeing Dave's Mike.
However, my Mike (a.k.a. Chicago Mike) wanted me to come and see Wesley Willis (schizophrenic songwriter extraordinaire) with him at Bernie's. Now, under normal circumstances, this would have been a choice easily made. Wesley Willis means nothing to me, and Mike and I had just had a slight tiff over the phone in which I told him that our relationship is nothing but one big disappointment after his sister called me Jill, the name of his ex-girlfriend, so I was all over Dave's Mike.
Around 9:30, while I was at work, Chicago Mike called me and asked what was up with us seeing Wesley. I told him that it wasn't happening and gave him an invitation to the movie, which he accepted. A few phone calls later, Dave's Mike informed me that the movie was indeed sold out, so we decided to go ahead and meet as planned to rent something instead. So, at 11, I left COSI and headed for home. I was a tad bit angry, because one of the guys I work with promised to let me leave a little early, but when he found out why I needed to get home, he retained me until closing just to spite me. How rough it must be to suffer the pangs of Katie's unrequited love. Mike called just as I was pulling out of the parking lot, telling me that he would be a bit late, as a road was closed and he was stuck in traffic. It turned out that a massive Bon Jovi (no, seriously, Bon Jovi) concert was just letting out, so I watched all of the white trash fans duke it out for prime spots on the road, swerving around each other, fists pumping into the air from inside all of the Cavaliers (the most white trash-y car ever made, according to my sister).
I finally arrived in my dorm's parking lot, twenty minutes late, to find that there were no parking places available. Just as I was about to leave the lot, I saw Chicago Mike walking toward me, so I stopped to tell him of my plans to drive around to the other side of the building, when Dave's Mike came trotting over and told us that he was the only one who was able to make it from his group. He introduced himself to Chicago Mike, and they remarked over the fact that they had been sitting together, both waiting for me, neither knowing that the person sitting beside him was "the other Mike". I left them to uncomfortable conversation-making as I went to park and delighted in them stopping to watch me approach as I came back.
The three of us went up to my room so that I could change, my Mike immediately turning on my computer and messing with my MP3 collection, Dave's Mike sitting in my roommate's chair, not making himself at home in any way. I asked the men what they wanted to do, and being the non-decision-making types, they waited for me to announce that we were going to Steak 'n Shake, so we piled into Dave's Mike's Stratus and drove off. On the way there, we passed a random drunk guy on the side of the road who Chicago Mike swore was Jon Bon Jovi, out to yell at his fans. Dave's Mike and I don't remember much car conversation after that. When we neared the Steak 'n Shake, he recalls pointing out the spot where he and Dave were mooned recently. Dave swears that Mike attracts mooners in some weird way, and Mike tends to agree with this, as he imagines his butt to be his best feature. Mike told me that it would be a shame if no butts were bared last night and implored me to do the honours, so when I wouldn't, I was accused once again of being all talk, no action.
Upon sitting down at Steak 'n Shake, I proceeded to slap the back of Chicago Mike's head ten to twenty times per minute for saying offensive things that have escaped me already. Dave's Mike and I told the story of our meeting, which I suppose I should tell here, as I believe this is the first time that I've ever discussed Dave or his Mike. You see, I was up in Bethany's room late one night in September, and I saw this random stranger being all non-idle on her Buddy List, and being the talker I am, I talked to him. Eight conversations later, he sent me to his website to view a picture of his friend Mike, who swears he's never going to get married. So, I sent Mike a marriage proposal. It was some of my finest work, I believe. I told him that he's the butter that clings to the side of my popcorn bag, the potatoes in my vegetarian vegetable soup, the lemon in my instant tea. And he didn't buy a word of it. However, it got him to talk to me, at least, so nothing lost there. Dave's Mike doesn't realise that he's absolutely perfect, you see, and he also doesn't seem to like girls in any way, so oh, the fun we have.
On the way home, Dave's Mike took us by the apartment that he, Dave, and their friends Christian and Ryan are sharing next year. They're getting a three bedroom, so Mike explained that he and Dave are going to get one massive bed and sleep together. Exciting, yes? I've already been promised an invite each and every time that a man-orgy is about to occur, so next year promises to be a good year for The Katie. Dave's Mike claims that he and my Mike aren't all that different, but he lies, he lies. My Mike is hilariously stupid funny; Dave's Mike is hilariously clever. My Mike is super tense and non-stop action; Dave's Mike is super laid-back and non-stop calmness. (Calmness? Is that even a word?) Okay, fine. They do have one thing in common - they're both going to end up horribly alone if they don't start to like women soon. That's it, though.
Dave's Mike dropped my Mike and me off at my dorm and left, apparently filled to the brim with Katie and Mike goodness. Chicago Mike and I went to my room, where we watched Billy Elliot and made fun of tu-tu-ed men for hours with one of my roommates.
Mikes are good.