Here it is. The entire month of February for the year 2001. Don't you just feel like a part of my life? Doesn't it make you all warm & fuzzy inside to know that I'm sharing a part of myself with you? I know it does. Read on, starting from the bottom.

February 25th, 2001: Some things that have happened recently:

Tracey finally came over to do something with me. Our friendship is so weird. I really thought that college would be exactly like high school for us. I somehow pictured us ending up with classes together where we would mock the teachers, mock the students, construct "Fruchewbursta" art with used candy wrappers, and just be generally annoying to anyone who isn't a part of our group. And even if we didn't have classes together, I pictured us seeing each other a couple of times a week for a movie or a lunch or something of that sort. But nothing of that sort has gone on. I've been to her dorm three times now, and she's been to see me twice. One of the times that I went to her dorm was when she was using me for a ride back to campus from an outing with a scary friend, so I'm not even sure that really counts. I feel like she doesn't really need me or care much about what I'm doing, but at the same time, I feel like I don't really need her or care much about what she's doing. It was so important for us to have each other in high school, because we were basically two of a kind. I don't know anyone like Tracey. I know people who I like to hang out with as much I like hanging out with her, but I like them for different reasons. I totally got replaced with Tracey's roommate Dayna, though. That's such an odd feeling. Of course I'm glad that she has someone to keep her from sitting around and getting lonely and depressed, but I used to feel like I could never be replaced. I mean, Tracey had our other friend Samantha, but I really felt as if Samantha couldn't compare to me. I still don't feel as if she could, but I think that Dayna can compare to me. Or I think that Tracey thinks that, at least. When I haven't seen or talked to Tracey for a while, I start to ask myself why we're even pretending to be friends at this point. I'm certainly not lacking for friends here, and neither is she, so why bother? Maybe we've done too much to just forget about each other and move on. Or maybe we really are supposed to be friends and we've just hit a speed bump. I think it's possible that we're just moving in such different directions that our friendship doesn't know what to do with itself. If I really do continue with my pre-med bit, I'll be in school until I'm about 28, and even after that, I'll only be a resident in a hospital somewhere for a few years. Tracey will be out of school and with a job when she's 22, which seems so foreign to me. She hangs out with all of the music kids. I hang out with all of the "normal" kids. We're just two totally different people, it seems. We never used to be. In high school, we always took the same classes and were involved in the same extracurricular activities. It's all just kind of saddening.

But she came nonetheless. And it was so normal, but at the same time, I feel like she looks at me and has no idea who I am. I think I'm really offensive to her now. I mean, I've always been sarcastic and very good at saying exactly what I want to say, and I'm attracted to people who are the same way. I used to think that Tracey was attracted to that, too, but I have this feeling that I'm no longer amusing to her. And I'm so vain. And she's so not. Yet, I don't really want to see her gone. I just want things to be the way they were as little as six months ago. Amazing how your life can change in six months, isn't it? I'm so alive now. And yet my best friendship seems as if it's headed toward death. I don't think I'll let it, though. Whew. I just can't tell the story, can I? Okay, so, while Tracey and I were catching up, Jonathan came in. Jonathan is everything that I could ask for in a friend. He's a flaming Christian. He's intelligent. He's tall, dark, and beautiful. He's utterly self-centered. We're a perfect match. So, Jonathan (or Jonny G., as he's called) made this fabulous horror flick with some high school friends of his, so I made Jonny bring it in so that Tracey could watch it. I like introducing Tracey to my friends. They're so different from hers. Tracey's friends with the music kids, the kind of skanky kids, for lack of a better word. My friends are sophisticated Christians, concerned with their looks and their relationships with God, though those things don't seem like they would go together well. I'll give both of us credit for one thing, though. Tracey and I both migrate to people who love the arts. I think we get along well with each other's friends, but I don't know that we would have picked them for ourselves.

So, Dayna and Ryan came over to my dorm, and I drove us all over to the Lennox to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It was even more beautiful than the first time that I saw it, but I somehow kept feeling like I was hindering Tracey in some way. I knew that if I hadn't been there, she would have been commenting on things to Dayna instead of me, and while it seems that she SHOULD be commenting on things to me instead of Dayna, I still felt like a hindrance. When we came out of the theatre, Tracey's friend Justin was waiting for us, because he had been asleep when we left for the movie, and he had hoped to meet up with us. I'm supposed to be impressing Justin, you see, because supposedly, we're going to end up together. I don't think that Justin's confident enough to suit me, but the boy does take care of himself, and I can most assuredly appreciate that. Oh, but beside all that, he's totally infatuated with Tracey, which would make things a bit rough for he and I, wouldn't it? Anyway, Justin rode back with us, and he pretty much had to kick all of my whatnot out of his way just to sit down. I love the fact that the weekend that my car looks the worst is the weekend when I have 800 people inside of it.

After that, Justin, Dayna, Tracey, and I went to look at the dorm that they're going to live in next year, went to eat, and went CD shopping. It was a good time. Just not what it should have been.

Now, the night before, there was an OSU thing at COSI, and of course, I was working. I got there at 8:00 P.M. as scheduled, and I was one of three people in the building, which felt incredibly creepy. Adrienne from the Pedro the Lion concert came over to the desk and asked me if I know that Pedro is a Christian band. I told her that I did, and she asked me if Mike the Volunteer Team Leader is also Christian. I told her that I didn't know, and she explained to me that she was driving another co-worker home the other day, and when he saw one of the Juliana Theory demo tapes that Mike had given to a couple of us, he asked, "What is this guy? Some kind of Jesus freak?" Adrienne said that she looked for Pedro the Lion and Napster and noticed that the music is categorised as Christian, but she added, "I don't care what they're singing about. I just like the music." Her tone of voice through all of this implied that she's disgusted by Christianity in general, and I found myself doing something that I haven't done before. I didn't stand up for myself. I didn't bother to tell her that I, too, am a Christian. I didn't bother to let her know that I was almost offended at the tone of voice that she was using. (And when I'm offended, you know something's bad.) I just kind of shrugged and went on to another topic. It was only later that I began feeling very guilty, and by that time, I didn't think that I could just walk up to Adrienne and talk to her about my faith. It's funny how my roles are starting to confuse me. Around Adrienne and Josh and Adam and the COSI crowd, I want to be seen as the sweet girl I am (once you get past all of the dirty sex talk), but I also want them to think that I'll do anything that they want to do. On the other end of the spectrum are my roommates, whose beliefs I share, and I want them to know that I'm not about to sacrifice my morals just to fit in with anyone else. It's horrible. The me that I show to my roommates is the real me, but the other me seems so much more fun. The other me is going to get drunk and pregnant soon, though, so I wish the real me would overpower her before I lose all respect for myself.

After that, the night was rather fun. Seriously, I think everyone from my dorm came, and there being 23 floors in my dorm, I didn't exactly know everyone who lives here before last night, but I ended meeting a whole load of people who I probably wouldn't have talked to otherwise. In particular, I met Jim. Funny thing about Jim - I thought he hated me. I thought he had deep, passionate hate for me. I pass Jim at around 2:20 every afternoon, and up until the point that he introduced himself to me, he always ruined my day. We never spoke to each other, didn't exchange a word. But Jim always gave me this LOOK. It was a look of pure abhorrence, as if even looking at me caused him physical pain. That LOOK always agitated me so much. Why did he look at me that way? How could he detest me that much without even so much as knowing my name? Last night, I was enlightened. Jim came over to the Guest Services desk to ask a question about the event, but when he recognised me, he asked, "Don't you live in Lincoln Tower?" Mustering up the will to be the least bit polite, I replied, "Yes, and I see you all of the time." And then all of my preconceived notions came crumbling down, for Jim explained to me that the reason that he stares at me all of the time is not because he hates me. It's because he loves my hair. He thinks my hair is beautiful. Jim doesn't watch me and loathe me. He watches me and loves me. He ogles my hair every afternoon. It was a moment in my life that I don't think I'll forget. It's odd, because I actually had a secret passion for Jim's hair, too, in all of its blonde, natural curliness, so that only made his supposed-hatred hurt all the more. But I was finally able to tell Jim of my secret passion, because he had one of his own. Now, Jim and I pass each other and smile. I call him Jimmy. Life is indeed beautiful.

February 19th, 2001: So, if Friday night was interesting, last night was even more so. As you already read, Mike the Volunteer Team Leader had made it apparent that he wanted to see me at Bernie's for the Pedro the Lion concert, so I invited Laura to go along with me, since she had been wanting to hang out and since she wants Mike like I want . . . okay, yeah. I want Mike, too. So, after work yesterday, I got all hoochied up and gave Laura a call. Let me tell you a little about Laura. When I met her, she was a Guest Coordinator at COSI, which meant that she greeted groups when they arrived and told them how to navigate the building. I was helping out the Guest Coordinators one day when they were short-staffed, and the two of us were standing outside with a group when she asked me how I liked Guest Services. I noticed that she didn't smile much or seem excessively happy to be there, but she was so real. I liked how she said exactly what was on her mind and expected me to deal with it, just like I do with other people. Once Laura moved to Guest Services, we bonded over sex talk, our hating of a girl named Julie, and our love of pretty much every man alive. Laura is different from every other person I know. She's SO cynical, SO sarcastic, SO witty. She reminds me a lot of myself, actually, except that I'm a very, very happy person. I feel like I almost smile too much, while it takes more work than you can imagine to get Laura to so much as expose her teeth. I kind of imagine that I feel around Laura how other people feel around me. You have to be on your toes with her at all times, because it takes a lot to keep up with her. So, you can't just talk about anything with Laura. I don't have simple conversations about music and school with Laura like I do with other people. It's funny that Laura and I get along, actually, because there are some things about us that are so radically different. For example, Laura is all about the sex. And I'm not. I mean, I am. The only three things I talk about are sex and drugs and rock and roll (very good indeed), but well, I'm all talk, and Laura is all action. However, Laura didn't see through my all-talk façade until we had known each other for a few months, so she was already too attached to let me go when she found out exactly how all-talk I am.

So, the doors to Bernie's opened at 7:30, but Laura and I are both entrance-making types, so we got there around 8. There was already a stream of people (with hair spiked enough to take out an eye or four, mind you) leaving, so we thought that a bad sign. I handed the guy at the table my ID and money, and he gave me a big, dirty X on my hand in exchange. He did the same to Laura, so she looked at him and said, "Why did you just do that?" He replied, "Are you over 21?", and being 22, Laura was made to walk around the rest of the night with both a stamp and the dirty X. When we got into the music room, a crowd of people had already gathered, so we found some space in the back, and Laura set her coat down on a pool table that some guys were sitting on. One of them called her "dude", which was a major turn-off, so we moved more toward the front and apparently stole some girl's bench, so we headed more toward the side and settled in underneath a pipe that had a Superstar Rookie sticker slapped on it. ("Hooray for Superstar Rookie" is all I have to say to that.) The guys beside us were seriously cracking me up. They were wearing these black geek glasses and complaining about all of the people there who were stealing their look, as if EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW doesn't own those glasses. Before the first band came on, there was some weird silence between Laura and me, which has never really happened before. But once the band came on, we were fine. We hadn't seen Mike yet, though. Adrienne and Kim came in and stood with us, and after that, a flood of people found us. Okay, so it was more like my friend Sarah, Mike the Volunteer Team Leader, and Mike's friend Tim from Kentucky, but that's a flood for me. I tried to lick the ear of the guy in front of me, because he was pierced, which is a huge turn-on, but he was so tall that I couldn't reach. Sarah told me about the time that she tried to bite a guy in a club once, and the very thought of it frightened me, so I left the guy's ear alone for the rest of the night.

Now, Laura didn't know about Mike's non-drinking at that time, so she offered to buy everyone drinks a bit later, which I'm sure was a big turn-off for Mike. All the better for me, I say. After Laura bought herself a Rolling Rock (which would be my choice of drinks if I was a drinker, just so you know), and the first band, F-Bomb, finished, Laura and I started feeling a little choked by all of the people and all of the smoke, so we went over to the deli part of Bernie's to have ourselves a sit. Mike had declined our offer to come and join us, so I felt a bit put-off and maybe not quite so much in love with him. In fact, I told Laura that she could have him if she could get the bugger. She asked if I think he's a virgin, which I do, and she said that that's part of his appeal. In addition, she believes that she "could make him cry in bed". I told her that that's way too hot for me. It was then that I informed Laura of Mike lack of drunkenness, and she wasn't too sure how she felt about that, but we both agreed that there's just something about him. And as we were agreeing, I noticed that Pedro the Lion had gone onstage without us noticing. So, we made our way into the music room, where the bodies were dripping with hot and sex by that time. Mike passed us on his way out, and he didn't even bother to say hello or attempt to cop a feel, which I found odd. It was only later that I realised that he was most likely on his way out to sit with us. So, after Laura got all offended by the ignore-age, we went to the back again to where some people were sitting at a table, playing cards, and a guy was reading a book to his woman. We stood for a while and just listened, and I was all about how the band sounded live until I noticed that Mike was back in the room, and he was watching us. Not only was he watching us, but he couldn't keep his eyes off of us. I tried not to look back until the table people ceased their card-playing and moved closer to the makeshift stage, when Laura and I wiped the butt-sweat from their chairs and had ourselves a seat. Laura asked if Mike would lose himself if his view of us was blocked, but not only was he able to keep himself, but he also found us. I heard a male voice say to me, "What's up?", and when I turned around, there he was. He grabbed a seat and sat down with us, whereupon he proceeded to offend Laura by calling her cynical, which she totally is. We started talking to him about hunting, since he was wearing his hot camouflage pants, and it was hilarious listening to Laura and me trying our best to be the one who Mike chooses. It was cool, though, because there was no bashing of each other or trying to embarrass the other person and gain the upper hand.

We spent nearly the rest of the concert with Mike, but right before the last song, he got up to stand with Tim from Kentucky. Laura and I just looked at each and laughed, because we had no idea what Mike was thinking about us, and we didn't really know what to think of him, either. So, once the concert was over, Laura asked me if I wanted to go somewhere and have a drink or the like. I asked if she would be opposed to Mike joining us, knowing that was what she had intended all along. Mike is clearly the impetus of all of our actions. So, Mike followed us out of Bernie's and led us to the nearest Steak 'n' Shake. Mike sat across from the two of us, so there was a lot of looking-over going on. I didn't really have to worry about impressing Mike, though, because Laura kept doing herself in. Mike asked if she was a big Pedro the Lion fan like me (not that I had even heard of them up until two weeks ago, but he doesn't need to know that) or if I had talked her into coming. She said, "Katie talked me into going, but I really enjoyed them." Laura 0 - Katie 1. Then, I asked what kind of music Laura listens to, because I realised that I know so many minor details about her and so few huge things. She said that she listens to everything but that country is her favourite. I was astonished. I still am astonished. I can usually pick out a country listener from a mile away, but I had just assumed that Laura listens to good, old-fashioned alternative. But she doesn't. When I asked her why she hadn't told me that she doesn't listen to rock when I invited her to see Pedro, she said, "Because I knew that you wouldn't hang out with me." I found that scary and amusing at the same time. I suppose I do judge people based on their tastes in music, because music is so huge to me. But to think that I wouldn't want to hang out with her? That's crazy talk. Laura 0 - Katie 2. Then, Mike was asking where we live, and when he had squeezed us dry of information, Laura asked, "So, Mike, do you live with your parents or what?" She said it in this horribly mocking tone of voice that let us all know that she was kidding, because OF COURSE Mike doesn't live with his parents. But he does. Ouch. Laura 0 - Katie 300, 000, 000. Score aside, Laura and I were just totally confused by the entire evening. We still have no idea which one of us Mike wants. He just wouldn't make it clear. He kept asking these probing questions, but he wouldn't ask them to anyone in particular, so Laura and I would both answer him and hope for the best. It was insanely weird. But interesting. Very interesting.

February 17th, 2001: So, last night was interesting. I mean, truly interesting. There was a Camp-In at COSI, which means that 900 stale Girl Scouts took over the place and made it smell like, well, stale Girl Scouts. I was scheduled to work from 4-midnight, but I have class until 3:30, so I didn't actually get there until about 4:45, which my supervisor knew would happen, so all was well. I went to sit with my friend Laura at the Guest Services desk, and she showed me an article in the COSI Team Newsletter that profiled our sweet love, Mike the Volunteer Team Leader (December 9th, 2000). We were turned off by the fact that he likes hunting and other outdoor-sy whatnot, but well, he looks hot in the article's picture, and really, that's all that matters to dirty whores like Laura and me. (Note the sarcasm.) A moment later, Laura asked me if I'm doing anything tonite. I told her in a rather pretentious voice that I have plans, thinking that she was going to ask me to work in her place so that she could go out. A few minutes later, as we were talking about a girl who we both hold a tiny slab o' contempt for, Laura said, "I think we should hang out sometime." In the context of the conversation, I thought that Laura was telling me that the girl had said that to her, so I said incredulously, "She actually said that to you!?" Laura's face dropped, and she explained, "No, I mean, I think you and I should go out sometime." I felt a little bad for pseudo acting as if the chick would never want to go anywhere with Laura, but I told her that I would totally love to hang out with her. I had already decided earlier in the day that I was going to go directly to bed when I got home at 12:30 last night and that I wouldn't go out tomorrow night, making tonite my night out. So, I told Laura that next weekend would be better for me. We left it at that, and she headed for home as I took over the desk with Jen.

I saw my friend Adrienne hanging out with her people at the Box Office, so I left Jen alone and went over to talk to her. As we were discussing, she told me that The Proms were playing a gig later last night. Now, you don't know The Proms, and you probably never will. The band is four guys, two of which work in COSI's Box Office, one of which is Nate and the other of which is Josh, who I'm madly in love with. (See Josh mentioned exactly one time in the third paragraph of A Modest Mouse Concert Review Containing Next-to-No Actual Modest Mouse Content.) However, The Proms are touring in Japan later this year on a tour that they're calling something like "We Dropped The Proms on You", which is really rather clever but may offend the little Japanese folk, so you may just hear about them eventually, especially if the Japanese revolt against my boys. So, I've never seen The Proms live, and I'm just dying to, but alas, the gig started early, and I was stuck at work until midnight. So, I was in the depths of despair, and to add even more salt to my wound (oh, how I love the clichés), Adrienne also told me that Adam's band, Tree of Snakes, was to be opening for The Proms. (See Adam mentioned 400 times in A Modest Mouse Concert Review Containing Next-to-No Actual Modest Mouse Content.) Now, I haven't spoken to Adam since our Modest Mouse experience together, because he works during the week, and I'm solely a weekend gal with a few minor evening exceptions. However, as I was helping a guest on a Wednesday evening a couple of weeks ago, I saw Adam leaving the building, and he was hairy. I mean hairy. He has a full beard now. It's hot. Oh, yes. It's hot. So, to not only have the opportunity to talk to Adam but to actually see him play was just a thought too euphoric for my feeble mind to handle. But what could I do? I was stuck at work.

A bit later, Mike the Volunteer Team Leader came over to the desk as I was looking through the infamous What's Happening at COSI? book, and he made me flip to the article about him so that I could read it. I told him that Laura and I had already drooled over it, but I hadn't noticed that he was wearing a Weezer shirt in his picture. When I exclaimed over it, he pointed to the part of his profile where the interviewer asked what he listens to on his commute to work, and he had listed Weezer, The Donnas, The Juliana Theory, and At the Drive-In. I told him that I only know one other person who likes At the Drive-In and The Donnas, so we discussed music for a bit until he invited me to go to see The Proms. I explained my predicament, so he asked if I was coming to Pedro the Lion tomorrow night instead. Now, I found that especially amusing, because up until about a week ago, I had never heard of Pedro the Lion. As I was talking to Chicago Mike on a Monday night, he told me about Pedro and instructed me to download the songs and go see the band when they come here. I told Mike the Volunteer Team Leader that I had been looking for someone to go to the show with, so I have to look no further now. He went on home to get ready for The Proms, so I was left alone once again. It was a really good night for work, though all Girl Scouts who like to do gymnastics to songs by the band Dream should automatically be shot. You should have seen all of the hoochie dancing that these little 6th graders were doing. Incredible.

So, at 11:38, I answered the phone at the desk, and it was Adrienne, telling me that The Proms wouldn't even be going on for another twenty minutes. I told her that there was no way that I could get there, that I was wearing my COSI garb and had nothing to change into, that there was no way that I was going to be seen in the tank that I had on under my COSI garb, that I needed sleep, that there was no way that she could talk me into coming. She called me a baby and told me that she was going to put Mike the Volunteer Team Leader on the phone to convince me. I told him that there was no way that I could get there, that I was wearing my COSI garb and had nothing to change into, that there was no way that I was going to be seen in the tank that I had on under my COSI garb, that I needed sleep, that there was no way that he could talk me into coming. He called me a baby and told me that I was going to regret it if I didn't come over. I knew that he was right and told him so, but The Proms are playing again on St. Patrick's Day, so I promised to come to see them then.

I hung up feeling like I had made the right choice, but at the same time, I felt like I was doing myself a total disservice by not doing something that I really wanted to do. So, I made a decision that I was going to go, even in my COSI garb, even though I wanted sleep. So, I pulled out the Yellow Pages and looked for Bernie's, but it was nowhere to be found. Just then, Sean the Camp-In Director came over. Now, Sean is in his late 20's, and I always swore that he's gay, but I somehow remember him talking about having a wife and kids at some point, so I dropped the gay thing. But last night, as we were talking, I mentioned the wife and kids thing and how they wouldn't be okay with his flirting, and he just laughed and laughed at me for thinking that he's married. In fact, he asked, "What ever gave you that idea?!" Plus, he was carrying around a roll of giant Sweet Tarts that had cute-sy Valentine's Day messages on them. The one he gave me had "PRETTY EYES" on it, which he said actually freaks him out a bit, so we started talking about the new school messages like "EMAIL ME" and "FAX ME". Sean said that the worst one is "DOT COM", which makes absolutely no sense at all. He looked at me and said in his most seductive voice, "Hey, you. DOT COM." Hilarious. Or maybe only to me. So, maybe I'm right about the gay thing. But anyway. I asked Sean if he knows where Bernie's is, and he told me that it's just before Long's Bookstore, which is right on campus. So, I left feeling very good about what I was doing but also very nervous about where I was heading. I drove down High Street, praying that I would find a good parking place, because my fear of parking is one of the biggest hindrances to a better life for me.

I turned down a random one way street and happened upon a row of metered spaces, one of which was wide open, waiting for me to penetrate it. And I did. I got out, quarters in hand, and discovered that meters are only monitored between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. Who knew? So, I skipped happily toward Long's, but I noticed that Long's address is 1796. Now, that would be no problem at all, except that I was looking for 1896. So I panicked. There was a random man walking toward me by himself, so I stopped him and asked if I could ask a question. He looked nervous but obliged, so I browsed through his knowledge of campus bars. He pointed me in the direction of the brewery district after a few minutes of struggling, so I drifted back to my Blazer and wondered what to do next. I thought about just going back to my dorm and assuming that I wasn't meant to go to Bernie's after all, but I told myself to be a bit more spontaneous and headed back toward High Street. I ended up going the opposite direction that I should have, so I got myself turned around at the Ghetto Kroger and found Bernie's with a little bit of luck and a whole lot of hoping. I finally discovered a parking place after driving down every street known to man, but alas, it was one that required some parallel parking. Now, being a parallel parking virgin, I thought that it would be no problem for me. So, I pulled in. Then, I pulled out. I straightened. I pulled in and out again. I backed up. I straightened. I realised that I was getting nowhere. So, still a foot away from the curb, I decided that I had worked hard enough for one evening and left the Blazer where it was. Just as I got out of the car, though, two couples came along, so I tried my luck with them, and one of the girls was all excited about being able to show off her parking skills. So, she parked while her boyfriend hit on me, which I found amusing. When the parking was done, I thanked them and went on my way. I have no pride, I swear.

As I made my way to the bar, some guys at a house across the road were fighting about something and breaking bottles on the sidewalk, and it was then that I realised that I wasn't heeding any of the countless warnings that my dad had given me about never walking on campus alone. When one of the guys walked out into the street and pulled a bumper off of his friend's car, I actually got a bit scared, and it didn't help that a random homeless guy was following me. So, I picked up my pace a little until I came to the old wooden doors that belong to Bernie's. For some reason, I expected someone to randomly shoot me when I opened the doors, but I only found two drunk guys, who greeted me and told me that the party was downstairs. They added that I was a little late, which I more or less ignored. I could hear The Prom's music faintly, so I headed in that direction and found a guy sitting at a little table with a cash box. I was kind of at a loss for what to do, and I think he picked up on that, so he asked for my ID. I handed it to him and asked how much I owed him, but he let me on by without paying anything. I took my ID and started to walk away, but he stopped me and told me that I might be needing something. He held out a marker and gave me a big, black X on my right hand to show that I'm not old enough to buy alcohol. I felt branded, scarred.

Mike the Volunteer Team Leader is incredibly tall, so I spotted him right off the bat. I touched his back, and I knew that the look that he gave me when he turned around was my reward for the trouble I went through to get there. Adrienne spotted me, came over and hugged me, and said, "I knew you'd come!" as she introduced me to Myron from India. She was quite drunk, but she knew it, so that makes everything okay. The Proms were good. Like actually good. Josh and Nate were having so much fun back in their little stage-ish corner that I couldn't help but smile with them. I couldn't tell how Josh felt when he saw me standing there, but I'd like to know what the look he gave me meant. I only got to hear two songs before the guys started packing up, so I can't really say that the highlight of my first Proms experience was the band itself. It was actually a guy with big, curly blonde hair who was walking around in a gray suit, blowing smoke in people's faces. He gave me a nod but nothing more. I think I want to know him at some point in my life.

When The Proms were done, Mike the Volunteer Team Leader and I didn't know what to do with ourselves, so we migrated to Myron from India and Adrienne, who asked if I wanted to come back to her apartment. I followed Mike there, and as I drove, I thought about what would happen once we arrived. I imagined that there would be some drinking, and I didn't know how I would react in that situation. We all know that I'm not a drinker, but I could also see myself having a bit if I was offered some. But then I imagined myself driving home after having a bit, and I didn't like the thought of that. So, I decided not to decide unless the need to make a decision arose. When Mike and I got to Adrienne's, her roommate's boyfriend, Mike, was there, waiting on the steps without a key. So, I was introduced, and the two Mikes began talking about their bad days at work. When they were through, Mike the Boyfriend offered Mike the Volunteer Team Leader a drink of his Jack Daniels, but Mike turned him down for reasons that I didn't know at the time. When Tammy the Roommate came home with the key, we all went inside and sat down. Adrienne and her friend Kim arrived moments later, equipped with ice cream. Adrienne turned on Hairspray, and we all gawked at Ricki Lake at her very best. No drinking whatsoever went on. And when Adrienne asked me if I drink and I said no, Mike the Volunteer Team Leader clapped for me. Ahh, the things you assume about people . . . A lot of COSI talk went on, which tends to happen in a room full of COSI employees, and the topic of Adam came up. It turns out that he is now a stockroom boy for our gift shop, which explains much of my lack of seeing him lately. Adrienne had told him earlier at Bernie's that I had wanted to come and see him, and a conversation about me mentioning his hairiness and him never seeing me anymore commenced. So that's a good thing. But alas, he had left by the time I got to the gig.

I pseudo fell asleep on Adrienne's couch at around 3:30, so when she was getting ready for bed and Mike was getting ready to leave, she asked if I wanted to spend the night. I'm not sure why I didn't, but I somehow felt as if I should go home, since everyone had been expecting me at 12:30. I left with a really good feeling, though. You know, it's funny, because I always make fun of Katie and my other friends when they get all excited about going to their first college party or having their first dirty sex or any of those random college experiences that you're supposed to have, because well, I did the first party thing like as soon as we got here, and I don't exactly plan on doing the sex thing anytime soon. Unless, of course, Adam decides that now's the time, in which case I'll pretend to fight with him for a moment and then give in willingly. "No, Adam, I really can't. Okay, yeah, let's go." However, having my X somehow made me feel like I was "living the college experience". As if I wanted to show it off or something. "Look at me! I'm under 21 and I'm attempting to lose my left lung to second-hand smoke!" Sometimes I amaze myself.

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