1-   He sees a counsellor
2-   Assertiveness training
3-   Motivation Course
4-   Sectioned
5-   The Prince of Prozac
6-   Shelter for the Homeless
7-   Aromatherapy
8-   The Behaviourist
9-   Sex Education
10- She goes on the Jerry Springer show
11- Death of a Queen
12- The Playwright Responds
13- The Therapists Respond
14- The Author Concludes

You say your wife is seeing another man.
You don’t know when or where or even who.
It’s time to talk to her while you still can,
to build a bridge between the two of you.

To show her how distressed you are, and yet
so angry too.  I pick that up from here.
You have to raise these issues.  Don’t forget
you can’t expect she’ll buy into your fear.

Yes, fear.  Your courage, will it let you feel
the fear, explore your own emotional space?
This jealousy of yours – it isn’t real.
It’s something that you need – it fills a place.

She’ll find that place with you, if you don’t shout.
Say “Desdemona – help me work things out”

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I serve my father and I serve my Lord
No – not my God.  I said:  I serve my Lord.
You wouldn’t understand – such is my life –
For I was born to wait upon his word.

And now I wait to die.  My father’s dead.
I cannot think of it.  My brother’s fled.
There’s no one now to tell me what to think -
Nobody but my Lord, and he has said

That I should get me to a nunnery.
His place is to command, mine to obey.
Who now shall speak for me?  Make up my mind?
My thoughts are not my own.  What can I say?

You say you’ll help me understand my wants.
A meagre thing, for one who serves a Prince.

Think of it as a sort of martial art -
‘cause where they’re going doesn’t count at all.
Whichever way they lean, that way you push.
They lean.  You push.  What matters is: they fall.

So - this is how I manage my career,
I use psychology - that’s all I do -
and I’m a big success - that’s why you’re here:
to make them think what they want comes from you.

And that’s it:  Motivation.  Capital ‘M’.
He’s eating from your hand - stands on his head -
does anything you say.  He’ll kill for you.
You’ve seen me pull this off.  You know it’s true.

So now you have the key that’ll set you right.
My name’s Iago - thank you and good night.

He comes before us on three separate counts:
the Peace Bond that the court set yesterday;
and then last night the murder in the streets;
and then the matter of his fiancée.

He’s clearly failing in community care.
He falls in love with someone every hour -
first Rosaline, and now this Juliet;
He’s as unstable as he’s immature.

He cannot be allowed to breach the peace.
Invoke the Mental Health Act, for God’s sake.
Society is threatened by this boy.
Verona’s women’s virtue is at stake.

Do not forget his words before this bench:
“I guess that I just fight and fuck too much.”

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To be or not to be – who the hell cares?
I’ve better ways to spend my time, my days
on Earth.  “Why worry?” I say.  He who spares
the rod for his own back – can live at ease.

I’m for the easy ride.  I’m just upset
with this old castle, with its gloom and mould.
I’m out of here the first chance that I get.
This place is too depressing.  I’m not old

enough to stick it here.  So Mother, you
can sleep around however much you like.
It’s all the same to me.  I know it’s true
there are no ghosts, when I sleep through the night.

Now I don’t ask why I was in such pain –
I take the tablets, and again … again …

Oh him -- the one who calls himself The King.
They brought him in last night; been sleeping rough
and wandering ‘round the borough all this Spring
‘til last night’s storm.  That’s when the cops got tough.

Complaints, you know.  The local residents
said he was making more noise than the thunder.
Pair of lungs on him, it makes you wonder
where he gets the strength. He’s got no sense.

He’s got relations on the council list
but he denies it, says he’s on his own.
We found a daughter – didn’t care a piss.
So now we’re looking for the other one

This Goneril - that’s where he’ll have to go.
Back on the streets for him if she says No.

Now class, you know why we are here: Sex Ed.
Well, actually, that’s how we got here, or
you’re virgin births.  A joke. Take it as read
you know all that.  But do you know there’s more?

        My bounty is as boundless as the sea, 
        My love as deep.  The more I give to thee
        The more I have, for both are infinite.

It’s not just sex.  There are the things above
the physical to find, to know – enjoy.
You’ll fall in love.  I hope you fall in love,
though that brings problems, too – for girls and boys.

                                        When he shall die
        Take him and cut him out in little stars
        And he will make the face of heaven so fine
        That all the world will be in love with night.

You think you made the things that you discover.
You are the last – make all the same mistakes – 
yet think you are the first to love – first ever!
How much you have to learn.  How long it takes.

        O I have bought the mansion of a love,
        But not possessed it … tedious is this day. 
        Be not so long to speak.  I long to die
        If what thou speakest, speak not of remedy.

For homework you can read about effects
Of drugs at discos, and about safe sex.

      O shut the door, and when though hast done so,
      Come weep with me, past hope, past cure, past help.

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 I’m married to my husband’s murderer,
 usurper of the throne, and plotter in
 attempted murder (didn’t quite occur)

 of my one son, that one, who turns around
 and by mistake stabs his fiancée’s Dad
 which sends the fiancée mad – she goes and drowns