practice2

COMPREHENSION PRACTICE 2

MARCH 28, 2004
'You are gone but you pass on the pain'

There's a suicide a day in Singapore. On Wednesday, a housewife who had cancer of the womb tied herself to her two young daughters and leaped from an apartment block. Madam Yap Cheng Chui said she didn't want to burden the family. But for those left behind, a loved one's suicide is a heavy load they can never shed. One woman tells Tracy Quek of her family's anguish after her nephew killed himself. 
 
HE WAS just 15 when he decided to end it all. Ten months ago, he jumped from his apartment block because he could not bear the stress of school work and exams any more.

He left a note telling his mum and dad not to worry about him. But when he died, we felt like a part of us died with him.

The younger of two sons, he was the one who talked about his plans and what he wanted to achieve in life. He was always aspiring to do something or other.

I was so angry with him at first.

How could he do such a thing to his family? To his parents who love him? What was he thinking? Didn't he know he could have asked for help?

Then, after the anger faded, came guilt.

We berated ourselves for not recognising the signs. I had tutored him and I sensed he was under stress. I didn't tell his parents because I didn't want to stress them too.

His parents also noticed that their once talkative, happy son was getting increasingly temperamental and morose.
We didn't know it was depression. If we had known, we would have done something.

But it's too late now. And everything has changed.

His father is a shell of a man. The fire of his life has been extinguished. He says that there is no reason to live any more because his son - his pride and joy - is gone.
To this day, he cannot walk into his son's room. Even when he walks past the room, he feels a lot of pain.

After the suicide, the father quit his job as an engineer but his company asked him to stay on. However, he cannot concentrate, he walks around the office aimlessly, drinks coffee, and cannot focus on anything.

Sometimes, when he's driving and sees a boy who resembles his son, he can't handle it and cries.

At meal times, he eats just to fill his stomach.

He's lost a lot of weight and now suffers from high blood pressure. The doctor says he will have to be on medication for life.
His memory is starting to fail him now and he sometimes forgets where he's parked the car, for example.

Last week was the first time in 10 months he talked openly to me about his son's death. He still blames himself.

He says he was not a good enough father. He says he must have pressured his son unintentionally.

My sister, who is a teacher, handles the loss of her son differently. She talks to me and our other sister about what happened. 
She is able to go into his room, but cannot bring herself to throw anything out.
When he died, she had so many questions. So we went to the library and looked for books on suicide.

We found no answers.

Sometimes, we go to the columbarium. We miss him so much and we talk to him there. Each time, we ask him to forgive us.
His father can't go to the columbarium. He gets chest pains because the loss is too great for him.

The boy's older brother, who is 17, has not been able to talk about the suicide at all. He refuses to go to the Samaritans of Singapore support group that his parents and I attend.

As for me, I live from day to day. I no longer look forward to the future. I feel as if my life has frozen over. I used to take the initiative at work but now I just want to be left alone.

Sometimes when I'm on the MRT and the memory of my nephew comes into my mind, I can't help but cry.
I feel insecure sometimes too. I call my sister regularly, just to hear her voice. When my other nephew calls me 'Auntie' I feel warm inside.
I don't talk about my nephew's death to people outside my family. It's not that I am ashamed of what he's done, but I just want to protect his memory.

People still think that those who commit suicide are weak or crazy. My nephew was neither of those things.
His father told me that he prays and asks God to help people who are thinking of suicide to see that the pain doesn't end with their death. It's passed on to the ones who love them.
I agree. They might feel like life is hopeless and not worth living but things do get better. Their family loves them even though, sometimes, they do not know quite how to show it.
For us, we will feel the guilt and grief forever. It will never end. But hopefully, with time, we can face it and cope better. 
 
Copyright @ 2004 Singapore Press Holdings. All rights reserved.

Questions

1. Explain the reasons why the housewife mentioned in the passage committed suicide

2. What happens to a family when a member commits suicide?

3. What had caused the teenager to jump?

4. What was so ironic about his suicide?

5. What could the teenager have done?

6. What were some symptoms of depression shown by the teenager?

7. How does the father of the teenager suffer as a result of his son's actions?

8. Who is the teacher in the passage?

Click here for Practice 3

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