Raising Responsible Kids
By Bill Morris
Children may admire movie stars or sports figures, but the most influential role models are still parents. If you lead by example, your kids are likely to make you proud. Here are a few strategies to help you send the right message.
1 Set Boundaries�and Enforce Them
�Spell out your rules in advance, in writing,� says Kenneth Kaye, a family therapist in Chicago and author of Family Rules: Raising Responsible Children. Stick to your guns�no caving. �For example, �If you�re not in bed by 8 o�clock, you don�t get a story.� There have to be consequences, and the parent has to be prepared to follow through.�
2 Praise Only Genuine Achievement
Judy Ford, a family therapist and author in Kirkland, Wash., recommends praising children honestly. �If you praise a child too much, the kid feels anxious,� she says. �Children know when you�re manipulating them.� Adds Kaye: �Let kids know how impressed you are by the specific things they�ve accomplished. Overly general or false praise won�t build self-esteem�and it might give a sense of entitlement.�
3 Let Kids Make Mistakes
�Let kids make decisions that are not life-threatening�then allow them to mess up,� says Dr. Charles Fay, a child psychologist and author in Golden, Colo. If your child doesn�t wear a coat and spends the afternoon shivering, for example, she�ll likely choose more wisely the next time. �Kids need to make mistakes, experience the consequences, then get the chance to make a different decision.�
4 Talk�and Listen
Jean Tracy, a former teacher and counselor in Edmunds, Wash., recommends a 30-minute family meeting each week. �These meetings teach listening and speaking skills and also let children solve problems in a group. You can plan fun events together, and everyone should commit to one specific action to make the family better.�
5 Give Kids Chores�and Rewards
�Chores let children know that their contributions do make a difference for others in the family,� says Dr. Phillip Colon, a clinical psychologist in Garden City, N.Y. Jean Tracy suggests parents create a weekly chore chart and give kids a monetary reward for completing it. While some experts disagree with paying for chores, Kenneth Kaye says, �Giving the child a chance to feel he has earned the money teaches accountability. But keep it simple. Excessive payment is a mistake.�