That Same Old Song And Dance...
I was staring at the markings on the board, just letting my eyes squint a little to make them double up, then return to their normal forms again. It's just a child-thing I never grew tired of; I always want to see the world from a different angel. Jewel quoted that, don't you know? I like her, she's a very cool person with a soul to match. Maybe the world doesn't need another opinionated female but, I want to be like her. But anyway the drawings were swirling, the teacher had just finished talking and once again I was to look at those sums and try to work out where to even begin.
"Liz..."
I turn to my esteemed colleague. Well, not really, he's just a friend who has no-one else to sit next to. So he chose me. I wanted to sit next to Serena but, I can't be choosey like some of the others. The popular others...
"Yeah?" I turned and tried not to seem interested in what he was about to ask, or say or whatever. All teenagers do it; don't think I'm snooty or anything.
He waited a second or two, perhaps deciding if he had the power to ask, or maybe he was just taking a breath. Your guess.
"Are you a lesbian?"
You know, I never knew of the world actually spinning on it's axis, falling into a pit of hell and fire and disintegrating next to the sinners of the world but, there it went, and all in four words. Wow, a new record.
"What?" I try to sound shocked. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm bisexual. But for different reasons. I tried to make it sound more 'how dare you accuse me!' to 'oh my God! He knows!'
"I mean I don't mind if you are..." He stumbling on his words. It's obvious I sounded genuine that I was shocked for the accusation.
But my face was burning up. Oh, oh, is it getting hot in here? Did somebody close a window or something? I coughed slightly, perhaps to cover the fear he could probably hear. Somebody had just scrawled 'GUILTY' across my face and I couldn't even attempt to get it off. These are one of your key-moments in life where you think why? But can't do a thing to stop it. But there is a compass in my pencil-case, maybe I could poke his eye out and make my escape. No, no, that's silly. I have a perfectly good pair of scissors also...
"What gave you that impression?" It was Cara. That bitch has a complex with gay people and she accused me of being one a few weeks ago. Plus she's a good friend of Richard. She'd blab anything...
"Kerry was just talking to Carly..." Carly, one of my good friends. Also gay, but never hold that against her; she's a good person. "And he said Carly told him you were gay. So, are you?"
I trembled. I could feel a thousand faces staring at me with 'well?' written on their faces. A billion reasons to want to disappear came into my head and all perfectly good. I didn't want to face the heat but, I also didn't want to lie to him. A good friend like that wouldn't care but, not to gang up no the sexes, he's a guy and guys are prone to talk about anything that'll hold court. I mean, girls do that too but still, I don't ever feel comfortable amongst the guys anyway, this'll triple the anxiety and frankly, I've got enough problems over my head. The mind was boggling, I tried to find a way to kill him right there and there and make it look like an accident, or at least small amnesia. Anything, dear God anything...
I smile and turn to the accuser. "No, of course not."
Great job Liz, your life is now an even bigger lie.
I carry on with my work, looking like nothing happened. Yeah, nothing happened. That's how he saw it so that's how I'll see it. Forever.
And then you'll be the dumb-arse you are and leave this out for everyone to read. My mind is laughing to me. I want to it stop, but, dammit, it's right...
D'oh.
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