TFI Friday
TFI Friday (or Thank Fuck It's Friday) was one of the classic talk shows in Britan. Hosted by Chris Evans (the infamous ginger wanker), set in a London pub and filled to the brim with drunks and celebrities, it was like the Muppets (if you hadn't been on it- you were a nobody). Thus, Hanson had to go on and join in with the madness (including joining in with the most annoying football chant in the world!) They went on twice- once in '98 the Friday before their Wembley show and then again in '00 to promote 'If Only'. Here are the transcrips of both performances.
10th/7th/1998
Before Hanson had come on, Chris Evans had already succeeded in using a slingshot to throw a tea bag into the river Thames to make the weakest cup of tea in the world. Also, as it was the World Cup, they had been searching for weeks for a football chant they could use and found one made in the seventies that hadn't sold ONE copy called 'We're On The Ball!' So, at every break, pause and between guests, the whole audience had to sing it (and some of the guests too =).
Chris- Guys, guys, guys, how are you?
Isaac- We're very good, very
Chris- (Giving them all a microphone) Thanks for coming on the show.
Isaac- Well, we're glad to come on the show.
Chris- (Pointing) This is Isaac, and this is Taylor and this is Zac. (adding up) FOUR!
(audience cheer and shout)
Taylor- And we're not on the ball.
Audience member- You're not on the ball!
Chris- You're not? Well, why not? Why don't you want to be on the ball?
Taylor- I don't know- that song is just stuck in my head and I do not want to be on the ball...
Isaac- (singing) We're on the ball... I think we should, like, record that song or something...
Taylor- No, please don't record that song!
Isaac- Actually, nah...
Chris- You could record a little bit now.
Taylor- Huh?
Chris- Well, (singing) You're on the ball, you're on the ball...
Audience- You're on the ball, YOU'RE ON THE BALL!
Chris- See, look? They love it!
(Everybody joins in for a while Zac conducts and Ike just shakes his head.)
Chris- OK, I'm sorry. So, listen then, you're on tour at the moment and not on the ball you're on tour. And you're going to play at two gigs at Wembley, now these are your first major gigs in the UK.
Isaac- Yes, we are playing Cologne, Germany actually tomorrow, and then we're playing Wembley.
Chris- Are you nervous at all?
Isaac- Um, no...
Taylor- We're just excited, very excited about playing.
Chris- And what's the show like? Do you do, like lots of effects...
Taylor- Well, what would it be like if we told you what the shows like, if we...
Chris- Well, it doesn't matter man! The tickets are already sold, man, the cash is in the bank!
Taylor- (laughing) OK, now we can explain it! No. Um, it's a cool show, I mean they're nothing that special, no exploding things or anything like that...
Isaac- Yeah, no bunnies exploding and dribbling or something like that...
Chris- See? I'm impressed! Americans, you know about football! That's a cool thing!
(laughter and cheering)
Chris- Are you following the USA's chances in the World Cup?
Isaac- I'm actually trying, I was actually trying to find out when the US is playing...
Taylor- We don't follow football I guess as well as we should. But we like football, we play it a lot, or soccer as we call it...
Chris- Can you explain the offside rule, Taylor?
Taylor- Do we... what?
Chris- The offside rule.
Isaac- I think...
Chris- Oh, he's having a go!
(laughter)
Isaac- I believe the offside rule is, well, if you're scoring, they're has to be a defender in front of you.
Chris- Not bad, you're half way there. When the ball is placed to the attacker...
Isaac- Yeah, well, something like that.
Chris- (pulling out a slingshot) And I know, I know my little Zac friend, you want to have a go at firing food out of the window.
Isaac- (getting up) Yeah, I'll open the window for you...
Chris- Cos he just wants to see...
Taylor- No, no, you have to explain this, I mean, you started this.
Chris- I did, I start everything, don't I? Everything is my fault, you know that, don't you?
Zac- (aiming an orange towards the window) Ike, I would move.
Taylor- Yeah, I don't think he can aim that well.
(Zac fires and the camera shows an orange bouncing on the ground below the studio window. Everybody cheers and hoots.)
Chris- Try to get it in the Thames this time! Go on! Go on my son!
(Zac aims again as the widow starts to blow shut.)
Taylor- (laughing) The door, no, the windows closing!!
(Zac fires but the orange explodes against the window and the camera shows pieces of orange all over the ground. The audience cheer madly.)
Chris- So, you're the drummer in the band, right?
Zac- (sitting back down) Yes.
Chris- Do you ever get to swap instruments? Do you ever have a go on the keyboards or the guitar?
Taylor- Actually, sometimes we do. Not, I mean...
Chris- Uh, I was asking Zac.
(laughter)
Taylor- (laughing) OK, talk to the man!
Chris- I can see you're covering for him.
Zac- Sometimes, I mean it's not very often that we...
Taylor- ...Switch instruments during the show.
Chris- So you're being very kind, you're saying it's not very often they let you out front.
Isaac- Um, actually...
Taylor- OK, OK, wait. He's asking him, (pointing at Zac) let him ask.
Isaac, OK, that's true.
Zac- No, no, if I wanted to come out and beat them... (picks up his mic and pretends to beat Tay with it.)
Chris- I saw you during rehearsals and you were stuck at the back. And I can't believe how good you are on the drums and you're very strong. I mean, I saw you on TV when you were a child on TV, you're twelve now.
(laughter)
Chris- This is what he did to some drumsticks (starts rummaging around in the draws)
Taylor- Oh yeah, where are they? He broke two drumsticks.
Isaac- He broke two in the last rehearsal, yeah...
Zac- Yeah, I do that sometimes.
Chris (failing to find them) I think somebody's thrown them away thinking they were rubbish but these were real broken sticks... Who's nicked them?
Taylor- (pretending to be excited!) Really? Broken sticks? Actual broken sticks?
Chris- You broke two, didn't you?
Zac- Yeah, yeah, I do that sometimes.
Chris- Rattalin' and tattalin' and tootalin' and rottalin'...
Zac- Uh, yeah, you said it.
Chris- Yeah, well, if you're in the middle of a song, people might not believe it's you... (hinting for Zac to play on his mini-drum kit nearby)
Zac- Well, if they know the show very well...
Taylor (pointing) See, this is set up right-handed.
Chris- It doesn't matter just do a rup-pup-a-pum!
Taylor- He's a left-handed. You'll have to...
Chris- (jumping up) Well I can change it around very quickly!
(Audience applause. Tay and Zac get up to help Chris change round the drum kit.)
Taylor- (picking up the high-hat.) See this is... What exactly is this?
Chris- (blagging) This is a sort of low-hat, I know you use the high-hats but...
Zac-That's a low-hat??
Chris- (laughing) Yeah I don't know what I'm saying, really, I'm just trying to join in, (everyone laughs) having some fun.
(Zac sits at the drum kit.)
Taylor- So are you going to play with him because this is your drum kit...
Chris- No, cos we've only got one set of drums...
Zac- (handing him a stick) Here, one stick.
Chris- But you're good at this...
Zac- You play one and I'll play the other.
Chris- OK then, what do I have to do?
(Zac plays a very simple beat and Chris tries to join in badly.)
Taylor- No, no, no... (taking Chris's stick)
Chris- Oh no. He's a musical director, he's taking over.
Taylor- (waving the stick) I'm a director here, come on!!
Chris- You show us.
Taylor- It's rhythm, you've got to...
(Zac plays again with both sticks)
Zac- But this set is too bad for it...
Chris- Don't worry man, I know you can do it.
(Zac does a quick drum roll)
Issac- Beautiful!
Taylor- That was awesome.
Chris- One more roll all the way around.
(Zac hits each drum once. Audience laugh)
Isaac- He's mocking you!
Chris- He's saving himself for the show.
(They all sit back down again)
Taylor- Don't worry man...
Chris- I know, I know, I know...
Isaac- He's playing with your mind.
Chris- No, I know.