Pete and Tim's page for Jerks and their Mothers

DEAR Pete and Tim:
I've been married for five months to a fifty-eight-year-old sex fiend. If this letter makes no sense, it's because I no longer know what a decent night's sleep is. This man is an absolute machine. His demands are exhausting! I've told him that I neither need nor want all that sex, but he doesn't listen to me.

I have many interests, I snorkel, paint, and am interested in underwater photography, the local aquarium, Hawaiian music, and island flowers.
My husband resents my activities. All he wants is me - in bed. And I mean for hours, day and night!

How do I slow this man down?

Exhausted in Honolulu
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Dear Exausted:

Some guys, like me for example, just love sex. We can't get enough of it. In fact, right now I am going to take a break from writing this letter to go have sex.

Ok, I'm back, and I think I can help you. I asked my girlfriend how she deals with me and here is what she said.

First, you need to keep reminding yourself that sex is a gift from God. Gifts from God don't get old, even if you recieve one every 10 minutes (If you know what I mean).

Second, remember that sex to a man is the same as love. If your man wants to have sex with you that much he must really love. Be flattered.

Third,  if you really are sick of sex and you really need to "slow him down" try not showering. Nothing is less sexy than a stinky woman.

I hope that helps you.

Love Aaron