Pete and Tim's page for Jerks and their Mothers
(Love Poems)
This is it guys. These here poems are guaranteed to get you sex. If you like that sort of thing...
Chocolate Pudding, Honey Stew,
Baby those things are good for you!
Itchy Rash, Clamydia,
They're not so good.
Hey, You try rhyming Clamydia, whydontcha!
Sighs of Love and Peaceful Kiss...
Sighs of Love and Happiness...
Size of Butt and Flabby Lips?
I'd rather not say right now, thanks.
Sex is like a rose
It blooms and then it flows
Sweet pollen does it spread
I want you in my bed

-Submitted by God. I'm not kidding.
Roses are red, Elmo is red too.
I'd like to throw that fuzzy bastard into a rose bush where he'd be poked to death by the thorns. I freaking hate that guy. Stupid Elmo ruined my crappy love poem for jerks.
Roses are red,

Violets are Purple.

I love you so much.

Uhh... Purple Nurple?
Love is like a box of chocolates. You eat the ones that taste good, like the caramel chunks, and then you leave the coconut filled ones to rot. So don't go coconut on me!
If loving you caused me to mutate geneticaly, I'd be the five armed, three legged guy loving you with all of my six slighty deformed hearts.
If you and I were in a train wreck and we were both about to die. I'd probably say, 'Baby, I got an erection, want to have sex?"
A love  Haiku

I love you way much
We've been going out 2 weeks
So where is the sex?
You sit next to me in class. I always check out your ass. You look good like Sassafrass. Want to go out with me?
Hot damn, you are one fine piece of jello! I just wanna walk up and say hello. So, hello.
I've only got a week to live,
And I know that you're the type to give,
So if you have some sympathy,
Please give all that love to me!
Come on!  I'm not joking.
Honey, when you hand me that subpoena, you look so sweet.
I wish I could once again kiss your feet.
So if you're not mad, and don't think I'm a booger,
Come over to Big Daddy, and gimme some sugar!
You have quite a beautiful smell. It's like a breeze coming up from a well. What the hell... want to have sex?
When I think of you at night I just can't get my underwear off fast enough.
A Song For My Sweet Thang

I want to give you rides
In my long, phallic-shaped car
I know you'll want to go far
(so far, so very far)

[Chorus]
Oooohh oohhh ooh,
Baby baby, you know,
Don'tcha know,
Oh oh oh oh,

So take my Steering Wheel of Love, girl
And take me for a test-drive
Do you feel the funky jive?
(It's my penis, girl, oh yeah)*

*Note to Guys, repeate chorus until she gives you sweet, sweet lovin'.
I love you, and if you love me that'll make me pretty happy. But what would really make me happy is a blow job.
A song for the girl that dumped you
(Sung to the tune of 'Mary had a Little Lamb)

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you
You were so ugly why did I ever date you
Your nose is way too big for your face.
And your body makes me howl. I wish I had never seen you naked, you cow.

I'm glad we never had sex
'cause your vagina smelled like a bag of Chex Mix.
You jerk, I can't believe you dumped me before we had sex. Stupid.

Chorus
Take me back! Why wont you take me back? Fine! I hate you. I hope you die. Die like the cow that you are, fatty. You are way fat if you havn't gotten the point yet.... (This leads back to the first verse.)
Breaking up is like a punch in the face. It hurts for a second, then comes the adrinaline. And then you're like, "Alright, who punched me?", and you start kicking some serious ass all over the place. So don't break up with me, girl!
A love Haiku

I saw you up there
And I thought this to myself
"I like her large breasts"
Is it cool in here,
or is it just your nipples?
Did you fall from heaven...
Or am I just way drunk?
I saw you sitting over here and thought to myself, "She looks easy."
Do you have a quarter?
Her: "Why?"
'Cause I need to call a Taxi.
Do you have a quarter?
Her: "Why?"
'Cause I'm a cheap whore.
Chat with other poet/womanizers
HERE!!
If you, our readers, have any other sexy poems that you feel should be part of this list... send them in... we'll even give you credit! Try to keep the profanity to a minumum. I mean, Pete's mom reads this page.
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