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| Pete and Tim's page for Jerks and their Mothers (Lyrics to Watermelon Crawl) |
| After reading the lyrics to this song some of you may think that I pulled this country song right out of my buttocks and just pasted it up here for the world to read, but you would be wrong. These words were acctually writen by someone. Then someone acctually wrote music to go with these words. Worse yet, this song was included in someones greatest hits album. And even worse than that, this song was a huge hit in the country world. Damn you Tracy Byrd! You jerk. I hope you choke and die on the millions of U.S. dollars you made from this song. You bastard. |
| I was driving thru Georgia in late July On a day hot enough to make the Devil sigh In these lines Tracy Byrd is trying to set the scene. It's Georgia, it's hot, and Tracy Byrd is the damn, dirty devil. I saw a homemade sign written in red Rind County Watermelon Festival Ahead Here Tracy is making the point that he, unlike many other country stars, can read. Yea for you, Tracy. You're a "reader". By the way, what the hell kind of county is called Rind County? It that the dumbest tripe you have ever read, or what? Rind County... Well, I wasn't in a hurry so I slowed down Took a two lane road to a one horse town Ok, lets back track. It's a day hot enough to make the devil sigh, and yet Tracy desides to get out of his Air Conditioned car and walk around Rind County's Watermelon Festival?!? I think Tracy should change the first line to "Well, I'm a freaking moron so I slowed down..." Oh, and Tracy please add some corny western movie vocab to your song, you know, like maybe Rind "freaking" County can be a one horse town. Thank you There was a party going on when I got there I heard a welcome speech from a small town mayor A party! You must have nearly wet your pants, Tracy. I mean, you were only expecting a festival. Maybe you forgot that a festival and a party are nearly the same thing. He said we got a hundred gallons of sweet red wine Made from the biggest watermelons on the vine Why does it have to be the biggest? It's always got to be the biggest with these Rind County folks. Do small watermelons make less tasty crappy watermelon wine? Speaking of watermelon wine, what is that anyway? I've never even heard of watermelon wine. Anyway, I think Tracy wants us to know that this one horse COUNTY will soon be wasted. Help yourself to some but obey the law If you drink don't drive do the watermelon crawl This is the point where I want to ask a question that prominently features a bad word. But instead I will follow Pete's example and substitute it with a synonym. What the "Sexual Congress"? If I drink I shouldn't drive, but I should do the watermelon crawl. This must be the most retarded mayor ever. When the band started playing the watermelon queen said Let me show you something that you ain't never seen This is where I thought the song would get a little sexy. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. If anything it becomes LESS sexy, and more like a scene from a Wal-Mart commercial She grabbed me by the arm said come on let's go She dipped down spun around and doe-see-doed Now I am not a dancer, but to me this whole line makes it sound like she is dancing with herself and just draging Tracy around. Did she dip herself? Who is she Doe-see-doeing with? What the hell is going on!?! She rocked back on her heels dropped down to her knees Crawled across the floor then she jumped back on her feet And here she randomly crawls across the dance floor. Ok, if I did this at a club in Vegas I assure you that it would not be accepted. In fact, I would quite probably be thrown out of the club, accused of looking up women's dresses. She wiggled and she giggled beat all you ever saw Said that is how you do the watermelon crawl That's what the mayor want's us to do instead of driving? That's the watermelon crawl?!? Oh my god! If I were Tracy Byrd I would have left the second I heard about the 100 gallons of watermelon wine. He said we got a hundred gallons of sweet red wine Made from the biggest watermelons on the vine Shut up. Help yourself to some but obey the law If you drink don't drive do the watermelon crawl I said Shut UP. Well if you're ever in Georgia round about July If you ain't in a hurry, then you oughta stop by Oh, good idea, Tracy. You jerk bastard. I really want to freaking crawl around a dance floor in heat that would make the devil sigh! I hope you get butt leprosy. I can guarantee that you're gonna have a ball Learning how to do the watermelon crawl Yeah, and I guarantee your IQ is below 70, you retard. Maybe you drank too much watermelon wine. He said we got a hundred gallons of sweet red wine Made from the biggest watermelons on the vine We know what he said. Shut up. Help yourself to some but obey the law If you drink don't drive do the watermelon crawl Dear God- Please give Tracy Byrd butt leprosy. Thank you. Have fun you all Do the watermelon crawl SHUT UP. |
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