Pete and Tim's page for Jerks and their Mothers
(Lyrics to 'Sex and Candy' by Marcy Playground)

Here it is. This one hit huge in 1997! It hit so huge that it made us sick (Although I think, deep down in his secret place, Pete likes this song). Personaly, I think any song that gets played every hour on top 40 radio needs to be made fun of. It's part of my religion's dogma. Our comments will be in red, maybe green. John Wozniak's (That's his real name, people.)  words will be in black.

Hangin' round downtown by myself. And I had so much time to sit and think about myself.
Now I don't want to make this my main point but please notice that these two lines only rhyme because they end with the same word. Robert Frost he is not.
Mr. Wozniak (haha) is making the point that before he hit it big he was a loser.He didn't have a job. He didn't have a girl. He sat around doing nothing just like you are doing right now.
And then there she was, like double cherry pie.
And he saw  a girl that was not only a virgin, she was a DOUBLE virgin! If you get what I'm trying to say. Ha! Like Queen Elizabeth. Anyway, he digs the crap outta her.
Yeah, there she was. Like disco superfly.
You may not know this, but superfly was a super hero back in the 1970s. His powers included; walking on walls, eating his own puke, being a complete pain in the ass, and bowling. Noone could spoil a potato salad like superfly. He was a great hero.
So, this girl is a real pest but he likes her anyway.
Chorus
I smell sex and candy here.
Sex candy, eh?  Sounds like a job for the Bad Candy squad!  Man, these guys have the greatest job.  Especially when they review sexy, sexy candy.  Anyway, so this guy smells sex candy, and he thinks of Superfly.  But he can't get any, 'cause nobody sells sex candy, man!  You have to go to Mexico for that stuff.  It's called "Spanish Fly." And it costs 5 dollars.
Who's that loungin' in my chair?
Here's the first Goldilocks reference we will find in the song.  Notice the connections; candy, flies, Goldilocks.  Now who does this connect to?  Think really hard.  That's right; The Mighty Thor(R) Fruit Snacks!  I mean, look at the evidence--Thor is often called "Goldilocks" by his arch nemisis (Me), he obviously flies, and he tastes great in his own fruit snack!  So Mr. Wozniak clearly has a thing for mythical comic book hero/nordic gods.
Who's that casting devious stares in my direction?
Well, this isn't surprising at all.  He's totally lost in this weird ice-and-snow world where Thor is giving him come-hither glances. It's sexy.
Mama this surely is a dream.
This line speaks for itself.  I want to point one thing out though;  Oedipal complex.
Hangin' round downtown by myself and I've had too much caffeine.
A lot of people begin hallucinating when they haven't had much sleep.  Caffeine keeps people from sleeping.  This is clearly music from the Devil.
--Okay, here he throws in some really boring lyrics which I will skip.
Yeah there she was, like disco lemonade.
Okay, he's so delusional he now sees Thor dancing like John Travolta.  That's just sick.
--And then blah blah blah.. back to the chorus.  The rest of the song is just the same; some guy wants to get it on with Thor, but he keeps getting turned away, even though he can disco-dance.  I dunno.  I think Wozniak should stick to songs about heroin. Mmmmm heroin.