Pete and Tim's page for Jerks and their Mothers
(Lyrics for 'Sexx Laws')

I'm sure many of you have seen Beck's 'Sexx Laws' video on MTV, VH1, or CSPAN. I am also sure that many of you, like me, are wondering "Why was the refrigerator having what appears to be anal sex with the oven?" I think it's because it was bored. That's why I have anal sex with the oven anyway.... As always, stupid, lyrics are in black, our comments are in a different color.

Sexx Laws


Can't you hear those calvary drums
Yes, yes I can. Thank you so much for asking. What point is Beck making here? He's trying to tell us that his music uses drums. So groove like an old time war horse. He is also using the imagry of calvary drums to forshadow the fact that the refridgerator and the oven are about to have hot, hot anal sex.
Hijacking your equilibrium
Sweet. This makes no sense. I think that Beck is using this line to prove that even high on crack he can write better music than Bon Jovi. Good point Beck.
Midnight hags in the mausoleum
A mausoleum is like a museum for dead people. So this line refers to the fact that old ladies can only have sex with dead people. And even then it had better be REAL dark.
Where the pixilated doctors moan
I guess Beck thinks pixilated doctors would enjoy this whole old hag sex orgy with dead people. Why are they pixilated you ask? Duh, it's the anal sex, stupid. It is. I'm serious. That's it! I'll pixilate you too, fool!
Carnivores in the Kowloon night
I attribute this line to the crack. Since I don't do crack (really) I am having a bit of trouble translating this line. I think Beck is talking about anal sex again, but I can't be sure.
Breathing freon by the candlelight
Uhhh, freon is a coolant used in refrigerators... Candlelight is kind of like an oven. It's all about the fridge and oven making hot, hot love.
Coquettes bitch slap you so polite
Wow. This line is so deep. It speaks to me. What's a Coquette? It's a type of canned good. I know... This whole song makes no sense. Don't blame me.
Till you thank them for the tea and sympathy
Finally a line I can read without looking through a dictionary. This line goes hand in hand with the previous line. The canned goods were kicking your ass because you forgot to thank them. Who'd a thunk it? This is Becks way of saying that the world is getting ruder and ruder. Also, he hates you. Don't blame me.
Chorus

I want to defy the logic of all sex laws
This is obviously a feminist point of view. Here Beck is pointing out the fact that the entire legal system is set up to get women on their knees. Beck want to defy these laws by defying the bounds of "decent" sex. Like sex with appliances. Go figure.
Let the handcuffs slip off your wrists
No longer will women be slaves to the sexual desires of men! And it goes on like this....
I'll let you be my chaperone at the halfway home
A halfway home is where naughty little boys go because they are naughty. I think this line points out that boys town is a horrible place, even with a chaperone. I hate boys town, with all the pain and the suffering. What a bunch of babies. So what, your daddy was killed in a drive by, So your mother had 25 children and couldn't take care of you. Get over it, you big baby! I think this is the point Beck is trying to make. What an insensitive jerk, right?
I'm a full grown man, but I'm not afraid to cry
Beck knows, like Pete, that showing a few tears... at a movie, funeral, whatever... is a great way to get women. Thank you Beck. You have opened our eyes.

Neptune's lips taste like fermented wine perfumed blokes on the Ginza line.
Neptune is the god of the sea. Aqua Man is also the god of the sea. Aqua Man is gay. We all see where I am going here. Beck is admiting that he likes kissing guys. Also, Neptune carries around a Trident, which has 3 of something..  Upside_down triangles ALSO have 3 of something, and gay pride is symbolized by the upside-down triangle... Makes you wonder!  Whatever... it's his business. I got to admit though, I'm starting to miss the fridge and oven thing...
Running buck wild like a concubine whose mother never held her hand
Do you know the difference between 'buck naked' and 'buck nekkid'? 'Buck Naked' is what you are when you are born. You're naked because you're stupid. You couldn't help it. 'Buck Nekkid' is what you call being naked and up to something. Here Beck is talking about being 'Buck Nekkid' with some jerk who is too stupid to realize they are naked.
Brief encounters in mercedes benz wearing hepatitis contact lens. Bed and breakfast with sports illustrated moms...(leads back to chorus)
Here Beck is violating 'sexx laws' with your mom. Don't be angry with him. He's just doing what's best for woman kind. Besides, your mom's easy.  Also, notice the reference to the "Mercedes Benz."  Remember Beck's number-3 numerology with Neptune?  Your mom's also gay.