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| Pete and Tim's page for Jerks and their Mothers (Jerk of the Week) |
| This weeks Jerk: Carson Daly |
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| "I was on a date with this weird girl. She kept flicking me in the head, and it hurt - a lot. She thought it was funny. I didn't, so I left." - Carson Daly. Hey Carson, I think it's funny. |
| "Women are like pizzas. One slice looks, one slice personality, two slices for big breasts, and one BIG slice of sex in my car...I wouldn't marry you unless you were the best slice by slice pizza ever made by a fat Italian."-Carson Daly |
| "On a scale from one to ten, I am a two" -Carson Daly. |
| "Sometimes, when I'm all by myself in my huge penthouse I cut myself. You know, around the wrist area where that big vein is... I don't know why I do it. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I SOLD MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL! YOU HEAR ME NEW YORK? I SOLD MY FREAKING SOUL TO THE THE DEVIL! How else could a freak like me become famous and rich and loved by sexy women, huh? AHHHH, my head, it feels as if it may explode!." -Carson Daly |
| There are only five things I hate: 1) Being kicked in the scrotum. 2) Being punched in the scrotum. 3) Someone I don't know touching my scrotum. 4) No talent jerks 5) MTV. What's my point? My point is: Carson Daly fits into all five of my most hated things! Here's how. 1. I am in love with Jennifer Love Hewit. Ask anybody. It's all I ever talk about. I've been in love with her for well over five years now, MUCH longer than Carson Daly ever loved her. When He began dating her, with no regard to my feelings, it was as if he had kicked me right in the scrotum. 2. When he dumped Jennifer Love Hewit like a heap of trash for another, much uglier woman (see Below) it was like a punch to my scrotum. All of a sudden this no talent jerk was too good for Jennifer "Freaking" Hewit? 3. Everyday I see him on MTV whoring himself on television, pandering to the idiots of America. All the time using sarcasm in a vain attempt to remain cool in the eyes of those who used to respect him when he was a decent radio DJ. Get off my scrotum, sell out! 4. He, as I said before, is most certainly a no talent Jerk. I mean, what does he do, really? He gets paid to tell retards what retards want to hear. He's nothing but a retard middle man. 5. He is the KING of MTV. |
| How did Carson Daly become this huge sex symbol? I'm not an expert of male beauty, but I know enough to understand that Carson Daly doesn't have it. First, his head is incredibly huge. It looks as if it about to burst. I'm serious, it gets thicker as you move from chin to forehead. It's just sick. I guess that's about it, but isn't that enough? I mean, his head is going to explode! |
| You have no idea how many pictures I found with Carson flashing the old "Texas Longhorns" at the camera. Ok, whatever Daly... "Go Longhorns!". What kind of loser is he anyway? "I whore myself to pop music, but here's a Satan hand puppet. I'm still cool, right? Please tell me I'm cool. It's Satan, see? The horns... Damnit!" |
| In conclusion: Carson Daly is a no talent jerk. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. If I saw him on the street I would: 1) Kick him in the scrotum. 2) Punch him in the scrotum. 3) Drag him around Times Square by the scrotum. 4) Feed the pigeons his scrotum. 5) Laugh like a mad man. |
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| "I hate you, Tim" -Carson Daly |