Pete and Tim's page for Jerks and their Mothers
DEAR Pete and Tim:
How can parents get rid of a fat twenty-year old daughter who refuses to look for a job? She says that we gave birth to her for reasons of our own, so we can keep her for the rest of your life.
Eating, sleeping, reading, listening to the radio, doing volunteer work at the local animal shelter, and urging her little brother to hang himself is all she has done since graduating from high school two and a half years ago.
Her skill with animals has brought her many good job offers from veterinarians, but she says she refuses to work for money as long as her brother is alive, and she fiercely resents not being the only child.
The police say they cannot help us because she is neither a criminal nor a lunatic. Two doctors have told us they cannot help us because they can't find anything "wrong" with her. So where do we go from here? We aren't millionaires and we're fed up with...
FEEDING AN ELEPHANT
Dear Elephant,
So you can keep your daughter for the rest of "my" life? Why don't you learn verb-tense, you moron.
As far as animal volunteer work, YOU'RE the one that should get hung for letting your children take part in such stupidity. Who cares if another dog, cat, ostrich, chimpanzee, or baby fur seal dies anyway? Nobody. That's who. And quite frankly, we agree with your daughter. She SHOULD have been the only child. Hell, you shouldn't have had 1 child in the first place, you parental screw-up. Let this be a lesson to incompetent jerks who would have kids; if you raise your good-for-nothing daughters to care about nothing but animal husbandry, you deserve to be run over by a brick truck.
By the way, what's wrong with eating, sleeping, listening to the radio, and reading? She's just living the American dream. She's just doing what millions of American soldiers have died to preserve. And you, quite frankly, are un-American for suggesting she do anything else. I hope you die you miserable, miserable excuse for a mother.
With Love,
Tim and Pete