| Pete and Tim's Page for Jerks and their Mothers |
| Grandpa Pete and Tim's Analogies |
| Pete and I both believe that it would be an utter travesty if someone were to visit our page and come away with nothing. We want to edify and educate. It is for this reason that we have put up this page. It is a collection of all the knowledge we have gathered in our long, bountiful lives. For your convenience we have placed most of these nuggets of wisdom into analogy form. |
| Life, my dear children, is like a box of chocolates; the more you partake in it, the fatter you get. |
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| Sex is like Peanut Butter; it's best with jelly, it can be chunky or smooth, and it sticks to the roof of your mouth. |
| When life gives you lemons... squeeze them into your vodka tonic and forget about it. |
| Life, young ones, is like being hit by a truck; it hurts like a bitch, but morphine takes the edge off. |
| Having a job is like having anorexia; sure, it makes you look good on the outside, but it's slowly killing you on the inside. |
| The world is like a bowl of Honey Nut Crunch; too many nuts. |
| A sexual relationship is like beer; both will give you an ulcer. |
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| Tim Street is a lot like a kick to the groin; neither one is funny. |
| Being sexy is a lot like gymnastics; the farther you spread your legs the higher your score. |
| Sex is like ping-pong; Chinese men are the best at it. |
| Watching old people make out is like pissing up a rope. Just trust me on this one. |
| Cocaine is like menopause; the hot flashes mean it's working. |
| Purchasing MP3's online is like George W. Bush: stupid. |
| Reading Jane Austen novels is like joining a cult: You always end up castrating yourself.. |
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