A power struggle might occur when a parent insists that her child eat her peas and the child refuses. Or a struggle might repeat itself each morning when Mom, feeling pressured to get out the door, yells, "Get dressed right now or I'll be late for work." Instead of quickly jumping into his clothes, the child dawdles.

Another battle could take place when Dad demands his daughter change her hairstyle before going off to school. He orders: "You're not going to school with your hair looking like that!" The daughter balks: "It's my hair�I can do whatever I want with it." She digs her heels in, Dad does the same, and a battle is underway.

If these situations sound familiar, don't despair! Read on for the best ways to resolve power struggles in your home.

Jan Faull, a child-development and behavior specialist, is in her 25th year as a parent-education instructor and public speaker. She is the author of the recently-published UNPLUGGING POWER STRUGGLES as well as MOMMY! I HAVE TO GO POTTY!, a guide to toilet training. Faull lives with her husband and three children in Renton, Washington.

In a power struggle, a parent's demeanor may be tense (clenched teeth and disapproving looks) or loud and insistent (yelling and sometimes screaming). The child reacts with either silent resistance or a more vocal "You can't make me." Whatever behaviors the parent and child fall into, the result is the same: When the power struggle is over, both sides are overly emotional and exhausted, and nothing has been resolved. Neither parent or child emerges a winner, and the same struggle might repeat itself the very next day.

When children are little, parents are able to exert more power, but as children mature and learn to manage themselves, parents must gradually let up on the controls. In some families this turnover of control from the parent to the child occurs with ease and grace. In others, parents have difficulty letting go, so even the simplest task�brushing teeth, getting dressed, going to bed, doing homework, completing chores�can explode into a huge battle of wills.

Of course, parents do need to have reasonable control and influence over their children. But power struggles aren't going to accomplish that! The next time you find yourself in a power struggle, back off temporarily, then develop a plan for the most effective, positive way to influence your child.

Next time you're locked in a battle of wills, consider the following three options for resolving the power struggle:

This last option is the most difficult, because you feel like you've lost, but often when you back down, the child miraculously comes around to your way of thinking or behaving.

Once you've decided which option you'll use to end the power struggle, it's critical to set aside your out-of-control emotions and take on a decisive, matter-of-fact attitude.

In order to learn to manage themselves, children need to be given reasonable opportunities to manage their environment. Parents can offer children choices and the chance to make decisions appropriate to their age and development�decisions that won't jeopardize their safety or the family's values.

The two-year-old can decide whether to wear the Mickey Mouse shirt or the Tarzan shirt. The preschooler can decide whether to eat eggs or yogurt for breakfast. The ten-year-old can decide how to arrange his bedroom and spend his allowance.

Parents can always offer advice, but children should be allowed to make some decisions�particularly ones obviously important to them�on their own. When parents permit children to make these little decisions, children are usually more willing to go along with the big decisions parents make regarding safety, health, and values.

Before making a decision for your child, ask yourself, "Is this a decision my child could make for herself?" If your answer is "yes," allow your child to make the choice. By doing so, you reduce the chances of enduring frequent and passionate power struggles.

Many parents know instinctively to let up on controls as their children navigate the developmental years. Others, however, don't have the experience or instincts to do this and find themselves in constant emotional battles. Read through the profiles below to see if you might be a parent prone to power struggles.

Power struggles are common growing pains in parent-child relationships. When they rage out of control, however, they can destroy the relationship. Do all you can to resolve them peacefully, even if it means backing off temporarily. Trust that if you let go, your children will come around to your way of thinking or behaving. Miraculously, they almost always do. That's the paradox of power struggles!

For more information on this topic, read Jan Faull's new book, UNPLUGGING POWER STRUGGLES: RESOLVING EMOTIONAL BATTLES WITH YOUR KIDS AGES 2-10 (Parenting Press) $13.95.