Ok, so, this story was one of my initial forays into the murky world of Shipper fics, hence the reason that i often dont like it very much, but i figured it should reall be on here for the purpose of completeness!

About: Response to a challenge in Crumbling Walls B/S Shipper Forum by Transylvanian Concubine.

I wrote this before hearing some S7 spoilers, so it may be a little wrong in the setup of things, but, heck, this is FanFic, so it can be anything right? Plus, i have never written anything even remotely smutty before, so go easy on me. Feedback welcome!

Rating - R/NC-17

Setting - Post Grave, he's back but they're friends.

*****************************************************************************

It had been 3 months. Spike had been back 3 months. Buffy couldnt seem to get over it. Something about him had changed. He was quieter, more thoughtful and everytime he so much as shot one dirty look at her during banter, he would get an injured, almost pained look on his face and just be quiet.

It was wierd, but comforting. His silence made it easier to trust him again, When he wasn't being violent to anything demonic that posed a threat to her, he listened to everything she said and it was like... well, it was like he was a normal guy, and like he'd never left after... well, after *that* night.

Buffy hated to admit it, but sometimes it felt like he was, dare she admit it, her boyfriend. Ever since Giles had gone back to England with Willow, Xander had been doing work rebuilding the Magic Box, and Anya was away doing whatever it was vengeance demons do, Spike had been all Buffy had, and her best friend.

But, much as it killed her, she still wanted him, in the ways she'd used to, but he didnt want it, he'd said before that he'd never hurt her again; that all he wanted was to be there when she or Dawn needed him.

Dawn... well, she was fine with him. At first she'd wanted nothing to do with him, but Buffy needed him and he *cared* which had seemed to be ok with her, and she'd spent most of the last 2 months with him. But, Dawn was going back to school, and Buffy would be alone again, besides the nonexistent fun of work. That was why he'd taken to staying around more.

For some reason, it didnt seems enough. She KNEW that she felt something for him, something she couldnt fathom, that she couldn't accept. Whether it was love or not, she didnt know, but she was finally willing to find out. Now, as it happened.

She got up from the sofa, Frasier reruns forgotten, determined that once and for all, her and Spike had to sort things out.

She called up the stairs "Dawn?"

The reply was muffled by whatever music Dawn was playing, a gift from Spike, so it had to be heavily bad. "Yeah?"

"I'm going on patrol, and then i'm going over to Spike's. You gonna be ok by yourself for a coupla hours?"

"Yeah, course. Dont work to hard"

Buffy chuckled, that was the idea. "Yeah, sure honey. Bye"

She grabbed a few stakes and put on Spike's jacket, her favorite piece of clothing at the moment and headed out the door. She got just off the porch when Xander headed up the path. She groaned inwardly, Not Now.

"Hey Buff. What's up?"

"Hey Xand. I gotta patrol so i cant talk for long."

Xander's eyes darkened "With *him*?" The hatred in his eyes was palpable, and Buffy was as to no doubt who that was in reference to.

"Yeah, i'm going with Spike"

"God, you are insane, you know that?"

Buffy had had it. "Xander, you have NO idea! Spike's changed. If you knew him like i do..."

Xander cut her off by laughing "Yeah, and we all know the ways you know him"

She was appalled, and smacked him hard across the face. She rebounded backwards, shocked, and this was echoed in the expression on his face. She couldnt believe that she had hit one of her best friends, even in light of the things he had said. It hit her, she loved Spike, beyond all help or reach by her friends, and he had to know, it wasnt a question of right or wrong anymore. She couldnt care less what people felt now, this was between her and Spike, and it was about him and hr, no more, no less.

She picked up her walk into a run through the park to Spike's Cemetary, until she reached his crypt.She could hear faint music playing from within, and she paused before the door, feeling a familiar rhythmic movement in her abdomen. Yes, he was in there, and really close. She half-smiled and caressed the door, feeling that bizarre sense of deja-vu and the door opened... to reveal a half naked Spike on the other side, cocking his head to one side, smiling lazily at her. 'Y'know Buffy, you really dont know how to make an entrance anymore. No kicking the door, no yelling, and, plus, i can feel you from a mile away'

She retorted " Yeah, well, Spikey, i can feel you too" Her face reddened slightly at the non intentional double-entendre. "Uhm, that came out a little dirtier than i planned"

He chuckled and motioned for her to enter.

Part 2

She stepped over the threshold and went to sit in his comfy chair. He walked to his recently purchased bed and pulled on his black t-shirt, hung over the bottom frame, and then a blue shirt, which Buffy was almost sure was the one he'd wore that first time, in the abandoned building. It was the typical Spike uniform except, well, the jacket. She slipped it off, and stepped over to him, and handed it to him. He just gazed at her. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"Put it on"

"I said it was yours remember?"

"I know, but i just wanna see something"

He took it from her and pulled it on. It was warm, and smelt strongly of her, but beneath it was him, cigarettes, petrol and alcohol. The memory of the last time he'd worn it flashed beofre his mind and he growled and threw it off, the coat crumpling at his feet, and he fell to his knees, covering his face, refusing to look at Buffy, who knelt next to him, and gingerly put one arm around him. "Spike, i'm sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you, i just wanted to see if you were still like you"

He looked at her, and his eyes were red, Buffy could see he was almost crying, and her heart wrenched, even though she didnt know why.

Spike just kept looking at her "I want you to go, Buffy"

She couldnt believe her ears "What?!"

"I hurt you so much, and i refuse to do it again.

"But, i'm fine. I trust you, i know that you wont do anything to me again. Tell me what this is all about. You've been different since you got back from... whereever the hell you were. What gives?"

Spike breathed in deeply, what the hell could he say. "I went to Africa to get my chip out so that i could be free of any feelings i had for you, and kill you for what you'd reduced me to"

Buffy fell back on her heels. "What?"

"It didnt work like that. The demon saw that i loved you, that the chip didnt affect my feelings the way i thought it did, and he restored my soul so you could get what you deserved"

Buff couldnt believe it "Like Angel?"

He laughed butterly "Yep. I'm a poof. Kinda ironic given the shit i used to give him."

She stood, backing away "This cant be real"

He looked up at her, fury building "Well it bloody well is. Do you think i asked for this, that this be my fucking gift? What i've done, to you and others, it's haunting me... *you're* haunting me. Thats why i need you to go, to leave me and never come back"

"Why????" She was screaming now "Why cant we be together, why the fuck are you pushing me away?"

"Because i love you to much to hurt you again" He rose to his feet, moving towards her with an urgent grace "I want to put myself absolutely at your mercy for good or evil, without any conditions, without any limit to your power" He paused briefly before continuing "and i cant let that happen"

Buffy backed into the wall of the crypt, and he reached her, and she could feel his breath fanning her hair. Under her breath she muttered "Why?"

Part3

He jerked up; he'd heard her, and turned away, but she caught his arm. A little calmer now, she said "Why? Why cant we be together? I love you and i want to be with you forever. I don't care what you've done, what you've put me through, none of that matters anymore. I need you with me, it's like i can't breathe without you"

With that, Buffy pulled him towards her, kissing him with a force that surprised even her. At first, he resisted but soon he kissd her back, the passion building, her fingers twined through his hair, his hands on her back.

She backed him towards the bed in the far corner, her head singing. She tugged his shirt off and pulled his black t-shirt over his head, marvelling at the feel of his smooth sculptured chest beneath her hands.

She gently pushed him down onto the bed, and began removing her own clothing, until she stood naked in front of him. She bent over and unzipped his pants, pulling them down, smirking at the fact that, even with a soul, he still wore no underpants. He moved enough for her to take his pants off, but made no effort to touch her.

She stepped back, a little hurt at his reluctance, but she met his eyes and took his hands in hers. He obviously needed a little guidance. "Spike, its ok, i want this"

He removed his hands from hers and placed them around her waist, pulling her towards him, and he began kissing along her stomach, his hands rhytmically moving up and down her back, and, without warning, he rose up to kiss her strongly on the lips, moving his hands down to where she wanted them to be.

He looked at her for a second, as if to question what she wanted him to do, but she nodded. She parted her legs slightly to allow him better access and he gently began to stroke within her center, relying on previous experience to know exactly the way to go. Buffy moaned and ran her hands down his chest to touch his member, taking it into her hands and pulling slightly, just the way he used to love it, and they resumed maniacally kissing each other. Spike pulled her down onto him, frantically kissing, biting and pulling on the skin of her neck.

Spike rolled over until he had Buffy pinned beneath him and moved his mouth to one nipple, and began licking around it, using his hands to plunder them in a circular motion and, without breaking his pattern, kissed down over her belly, until he reached her mound, circling his tongue around her swollen clit, stabbling his tongue inside her, and she climaxed with a scream, wondering how it was he always knew exactly how to play her.

In the back of her mind, she couldnt help marvelling that she'd held off from this for 3 solid months. She grabbed him by the hair, feeling oddly turned on by the fact that she could taste herself on his tongue.

She flipped him over and began a little torment on him. She kissed around his nipples, and then bit down, as hard as she could manage, knowing he'd used to love it when she did that. He growled and she saw him change, but push it back. She took him into her mouth, gently bobbing up and down, sucking him in and he groaned her name, desperately and she relented and slid back up and sat herself down onto his stomach, away from his swollen cock and decided to have a little fun, and began rubbing herself over his stomach, coating his abdomen in her juices.

He groaned, the smell of her like roses to him in his current state. "Please" and he moved to get up

She smiled mischeviously, despite the fact that she was more than happy to fulfill him resquest. "nuh uh Spikey. This is *my* game now"

He snarled and threw her off him, grabbing her by the wrists and moving her back to the rear of the crypt, until she was supported by the wall. Buffy was slightly taken aback by his anger, but the lust reflected in his eyes made clear his intentions. She laughed and pushed him back, leaping onto him, her legs wrapped around his waist, straddling him, and he drove her back against the wall of the crypt, with a force that made the old plaster of the walls come apart.

He lifted her and slammed her down onto his hardness, and she screamed with the pleasure it brought, and he groaned in reply. She leaned into his ear and gasped "Bed now!"

Spike gladly complied and fell onto his bed, Buffy on top of him. He lifted her slightly and then slammed her back again. She cried out, a broken cry of pain and pleasure, and they pounded into a fierce rhythm and he sat up, bringing them face to face. Buffy smiled slightly evilly, and her look, compounded with her heat enveloping him caused him to spew into her, with her reaching her own climax again.

They collapsed, sated, and when he was calm enough, Spike pulled out of her. She wimpered slightly at the loss of touch. He looked at her adoringly and smiled, but cleared his throat. "Um, Buffy?"

Through her haze of post coital bliss, she murmered "Hmm?"

"What happens now?"

"Well, after a brief interlude, i was thinking we'd have sex a coupla more times" She winked suggestively and he smiled despite himself "and then, well, i guess i could tell anyone who'll care that you and i are, well... that you're my boyfriend"

He let out a little cry of something akin to joy, but remembered himself. "That's my girl" He looked at her then, expecting her to counter the comment

"That's right" She smiled at him. Being his girl wasnt a bad thing anymore. "You're gonna have to come up with new insults, that one just doesnt get me anymore!"

He laughed "Damn, i guess i will at that. Oh well, can always have fun dissin the Scoobies"

Buffy lay back contented, this was the way it was supposed to be, her and Spike remaining together even after everything

The End Back To Spuffy Fic