Dorothy Lowe
Story i wrote for English class, for which i attained an A pass :)) Yay me! You'll notice that i quoted a small portion of BTVS for effect, but i would still consider it to be pretty much all my work
Darkness. Such an all encompassing darkness such as i have never felt. It drinks me down. Rivers of blood flow before me, yet still must i not respond? Must i scream in silence when the silence itself is deafening?
Chasing shadows on the wall, fate entwines in its own way. I am caught in its trap, i am it's prey, and that is all i have ever been. Whispering to me, some voice in my head tells me that i am ruly alone now. No friends, no hope. Yet, strangely, i have never felt this good before.
Clarity is a hard thing to gain. A sense of perspective on things i cannot alter; even harder. Fire bakes my skin, slowly it begins to crack and peel, no pain felt. For i am in love with it, just as i am in love with you.
Your red eyes glare and pierce me through the darkness. I'd take you up, over filth, over fire, to see you squirm under the glare of the sun that will never again split the sky, as long as we both remain here.
Taste the air, newly emerged from the damp, rich earth, and it smells musky. Meeting your eyes, i curiously ask what has become of me. The intoning calm of your answer i was expecting, but not its content. For, it simply was 'You're already dead'
Backing away, i can but shake my head. I feel myself breathe! Am i not alive? Blood pumps through thinly interwoven veins... am i not alive? The simpleness of the laugh greeting me is response enough
You have broken me, you have drunk me inside you, i have drunk you until i thought the sweet taste of it would surely make me vomit. I have felt you move within me in darkly evil ways, and so i cannot but see red at the hopelessness of all that before me.
I ask you what you are, for surely i have not beheld you in this new light. I feel you must have blinded me to the truth, the lie growing ever bigger when the answer doesnt come.
Oh, console me, i do not understand. Am i yet a child, naked under the scrutiny of your glare? I exonerate you for it, for it is only in sweet death that we are born; in the demise of any feelings from you, mine grow ever stronger.
Lying in the squalor, i can see you fly, wishing i had the presence of mind to shoot you down. Yet i am forever lying here, submitting to you. But, then, you knew i would, didnt you?
Flashes of the past shoot ever onwards through my head. You, resting, closed in a peaceful sleep. Myself, red dye running in the rain, as i cry 'Why?' A smile passed between us, the magnetism defying all the rules before us, how could i ever deny that i loved you with all i had?
I feel you behind me, and i know finally what i must do. Rising to my feet, covered in dirt, scratches from old reopened wounds pricking me like thorns, i turn to face you.
I kiss you, and i realize that this, this could only be perfect if it didnt feel so good, if i wasnt restored completely by a few moments in you arms. Backing away, i understand now that i have always been this way: in perfection i can find no satisfaction.
I turn on my heels, feeling absolved. Your eyes burn into me, unspoken pleas passing from you, but still i cannot return to you. I can only ignore all that has passed before, i do not want the life that you offer me. The life where i am simply another one of your many. I cannot be the thing that you use and defile and desire; these things can never be.
And, in that simple moment, the clouds on the horizon recede, hazy recollections of stolen moments made clear, and the sun begins to split the sky once more. As i concentrate on avoiding running back to you, the streaks of orange and red begin to adorn the horizon.
The precursor to all this, i do not know. I couldnt tell you if i tried. Maybe it was the unspoken promises that you always made, maybe it was the fact that i just didnt stop feeling for you... i dont know. Maybe the promises perpetrated by you were the protosun for all this, because i will not be the object of all the things that i cannot help or prevent.
If being perfect and whole with you means forgoing all the previous things i have felt, then i deny your invite. All the things that we accumulated is gone in the fumes of the exhaust that took you to that other place. I know now that i am beneath you, just as you always said. However, from beneath you, i devour all that once made us that whole perfect unit.
Approaching the end of the path, i look back at you. Your eyes are no longer red, they are the perfect green of before. The blood has become crystalline water, and the emptiness i felt i belonged with after you left has exited my mind, and i am no longer betrothed to it.
At my right, the sun burns, primal and fierce, and i can feel it burn my skin, the fire only freezing me in comparison.
What can i do but face it? I feel it assuage me and lay waste to me. Before me lies a vast abyss of things unknown.
Behind me is you, an air of knowing emerging from you.
Smirking, defiant to you for the last time, i throw myself into the black abyss.
And i feel nothing for you...