|
| Steph and Susan's Story Page |
| When the wombats were sorry for their heinous acts, (choking the vaporizer-bunnies using cellophane), they decided to start a website that would teach various mammals how to cultivate their voice talents. "Pooh hangs with Tigger, who is unsanitary because his tail is fat!" yelled Charles, the wombats' leader. He hated flying things that had fat limbs that hit people with candied eels. Wearing electric underwear, he set out to avenge his father, who died starting a lawnmower, owned by Tigger. He took Tigger's fat head, and stuck it in a meat grinding tractor with "fat-head grinding possibilities" that had fat stuck in it. He then used an old mumu in conjunction with some wet socks to disguise the smell. It reeked something fierce! Blood was everywhere and so was pus. Charles hated pus more than he did other stuff. So the Charles Clan fought against websites that didn't sell sunglasses for the price of a cheese log. Also, the wombats were very fast and sly with their devilish trickedy-tricks. |
| Hi! I just want to warn visitors that this page is not meant seriously and none of these stories are true (believe it or not!) I don't mean to offend anyone except my friend Melissa, because it is funny when she is offended 'cause she makes this hilarious face . . . . . And I want to thank Stephanie because she helped preserve and transport the stories. Peace out, Stephanie! |
| The Bold and the Boyant Most good stories begin with the four tell-tale words, "Once upon a time," however, this story happened upon two different times. But we are only going to tell you about the first time, so, once upon a time, the crumb-filled sideburns of the smiling, boistrous, burly, boyant, whirling-dervish-like, egocentrically-obnoxious toasters were mysteriously playing chess quietly on the face of the Earth. "Eat my nosehair with holandais sauce! You'll find it quite delightful," said the left sideburn to his toaster(1 see footnote). "Shut the crap up, Stupid," replied the Master Toaster. He was concentrating really hard on cloud shapes and toasting his calculus homework angrily. Meanwhile, the bread in his opponent, Egg McMuffin, spontaneously became a juice-o-matic(2). "Blimey!" Egg exacerbated. "What in the leg-eating world?!" "The leg-eating disease(3) known as 'Black Misery' was frolicking in your soup, maybe," said the Master Toaster suspiciously. He lovingly stroked his glistening, puppy-scented, bagel slicer-watching, fork licking, extremely awes, mysterious girlfriend, the birdfeeder. She loved Magic Rubs (4) and Pussy Flakes(5), which upset Master Toaster to no end. "Shut up, stupid dung-covered feeder! You are unfaithful!" raged Master. "You watch your uncle swim!" "It's only because you don't satisfy my carpet cleaners!" she explained triumphantly. "Well maybe we should find out if we love various many fruits, and the morning, and the circus, and the milk-sweating freaks of Dublin, and the Purseness(6)," said Master. By this time, the sideburns were quite exhausted and sweaty, and that's where the first adventure ended. (1) The toasters, who are playing chess, are also sporting disgusting crumb-filled sideburns who talk. (2) Popular juice-blending machine. (3) As seen on "Maury Povich: Real Living Weirdo-Quacks." (4) Specific brand of eraser, perfect for all of your erasing needs. (5) A brand of most delicious catfood. (6) A brand of handbag made by Johnnie Ness. |
|
|
| You are the # |
| person to enjoy these stories! |
 |
|
| Fatty Fat |
| My heart has always been dear to my dog. This is because he sits on my sternum and wiggles back and pees on my brand new loofa. I hate that cat who is covered in paint and frolics at molesters who swim in the sink and eat sewer baseballs and babies. I once saw Jif when she pooed on my earwax and toejam. |
| Disgusting |
| The Nutritious Poo |
| I like pizza because it tastes like butta and it is really quite interesting. My heart has too many arteries. I like poo because it tastes like warm buttermilk pie that has just been chilled in my private refrigerator filled with lard and many other possibilities. Possibilities are endless because they always involve lathering and scrubbing the hell out of me. I like poo because it is nutrient rich and hairy. |
| A Walk In The Rain |
| Smelling worms in the coffee cup is really sick unless they're ground or juicy earthworms. I wish I had done me chores today because man, that rain is such a killer! |
| The Wicked Weatherman |
| He is so wicked. Oh my! That wicked weatherman. He forecasted the weather wrong for 58 days in Boston, Texas. Then he lied to his mother when she asked him what to wear. "Revealing halter-top," he told her, "is not good for today's freezing ice falling from the farmhouse. "Darn," said Mom, "I want to run in a halter to attract the other weatherman and the mailman, who pet his hamster while watching Beverly Hills 90210. "Man, this show sucks because these men play monopoly and eat pork rinds." |
 |
| Click here to view the illustrated "Fierce but Crisp" a new classic! |