Welcome to the place where potatoes RULE

and everyone knows it!

First, we shall discuss the merits of potatoes.

Potatoes are:

-really handy when out of stones

• brown

• good at growing those eye thingies that give me the creeps

• perfectly legal in every state

• never known to explode in anybody's eyes, thereby causing those ppl to sue you for millions of $ or £

• 100% biodegradable (the monkeys told me so)

• -nonrefundable

• very handy helmets in case of falling flies

• grown on farms y'know...all that healthy country stuff..greens, and outhouses, and...

• peelable! How many times have u wanted to peel a tomato but couldn't?! Lots, I know!

• we could continue this ad infinitum but since the modesty of the tuber demands it, here we shall stall.

Places You Can Hope To Find Potatoes

A really nifty li'l guide to finding potatoes for those who seek them

• Your garden (if you planted them and let's hope you did because people who don't plant potatoes are LOSERS! so :-P)

• your toaster oven (logical enough?)

• beyond the Great Blue Fire Hydrant (the Easter Bunny plants em there on his way back)

• in your sock drawer (works for me!)

• your fish aquarium (ever wonder just where those potatoes disappear to, huh? Well, I have the answer for you: the goldfish take 'em! Come on, would you be satisfied with those cheap little flakes they call fish food??!)

• your mailbox (sometimes, but only once in a huge, gargantuan pink moon..you know the kind)

• in Aunt Edna's beehive (the squirrels put them there for their winter store, really!)

• behind your ears (gross I know, but for you uncivilized mongrels it's true! Use soap durnit!)

• inside one of the 7 watering cans (if you find one in there, I really wouldn't eat it if it's been in the water long...something tells me it could be MOULDY!)

• in your pillow case (I don't know bout you folks, but I always keep a couple extra handy in there....for good dreams y'know..I haven't had a bad dream since. Of course, I haven't actually slept in ages either..it's awfully lumpy.)

Hey kids!

Tired of those pop quizzes? Here's a new product that can rid you of them for life! It's simple, easy, and in your refrigerator!

It's--you guessed it--a potato! Guaranteed by it's mystical tuber vibes to cure you of quizzes forever!

Remember: A spud a day keeps the quizzes away!

Guaranteed or...

well, nothing really, I'm trying to sound professional here. Bear with me, ok? Right.

Hope you enjoyed your stay here in Potato Paradise! See you soon, and don't forget...

POTATOES RULE!

Go here to have the sage potatoes tell your fortune!!

(yes that's right, just like Cleo...and for FREE!)