Home of
õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd
Now, you may be asking yourself, "Who is this sheep and where can I meet her? With a name like that, she's got to be better at playing bridge than Auntie Gertrude!" Unlike some sheep, (in particular Viv's sheep, Dojo, who is a mater horn) õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd is a nice sheep (got that Viv? She's not your type.) and just roams about the fields of Prosaically Prolix™ with Manura the Cow instead of going clubbing all hours of the day and night. (Cudding is good enough for her!) Some of õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd's hobbies include gardening, weight-lifting, road racing, and novel writing. In addition to all of this, she also has her own advice column in The Cloven Hoof called "Dear õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd." Still, with all these activities to tie up her free hours, she can always spare a month or two to listen to everyone's problems. Thanks to her counselling, Ruby and Graham are recovering rapidly from the tuna fiasco and will, any day now it is hoped, be relased from the asylum...
Currently, õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd is working on her seventh novel called Grass Seed: The Second Germination, which follows a grass seed through its life cycle with all the drama and mellifluous digestion rumblings which only õRgåñÎçã can supply.
GET Grass Seed: The Second Germination NOW FOR ONLY £99!!!
AVAILABLE IN HARDBACK OR ZWIEBACK!
CALL 1-800-õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd NOW!
õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd was born on a snowy summer day in 1992. Even as a lamb she displayed remarkable qualities superior to those even of the members of Congress! Her chief accomplishments were learning the sheep dialect in 7 different languages including Japanese, Swahili, Italian, and Sign Language. When she was 8 years old, she won the official SHEEP OF THE YEAR award for the seventh straight year. Last year, due to the approach of insurmountable difficulties, she was found, lost and alone, on the doorstep of Manura the Cow at Prosaically Prolix™. The two instantly bonded and it was later discovered the they were distantly related (third cousins once removed when õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd went to Tennessee to see the Dixie Chicks in concert.)
Last year, on the request of Cleo (yes, the Tarot Card lady) õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd took up the reading of tarot cards as a supplemental career. However, due to the volume of requests, õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd CANNOT provide you with a Tarot Card reading unless you're filthy rich. Thank you for understanding.
õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd informed me recently that she intends to campaign for public awareness of the downfalls attendant on AIDS..AIDS being America's Inferior Dog Sh#$!. After that is accomplished, õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd wishes to retire from the public spotlight a little more and become a house sheep and mother for the first time. Best of luck to you, õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd !
Flo is õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd's cute little snuggle bunny. She never goes anywhere without him. He is made of 90% polyester and cotton blends and 10% rotten prunes. For some reason, he also shares õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd's fetish for emery boards (preferably yellow.)
Got problems? Write õRgåñÎçã LøúT þõþëMØßíLê tHè ThÎRd!
For a minimal fee, she'd be GLAD to help you!
Please include all important information...like credit card numbers and the amount of income you amass in a year so she can fully take into consideration all circumstances surrounding your feeble existence.
Get BAAAACK to the main page