Anyway, she does psychic reading to get money, which we learn later on is against the law in Hillbilly-dom. (Sigh.) Hillary Swank in white pants and a mullet comes in, and Cate does a psychic reading for her, and tells her that she has to leave her husband cause he�s beating her. Wow, how amazingly insightful. Hillary Swank only has a black eye that deserves to have its own zip code.
As in all movies set in hillbilly American towns where they talk like dumber versions of Dubya Bush, there are some fundamentalist wife-beater Christians. Who take it upon themselves to say that poor old Aussie Cate is a witch and worships the devil. Where do fundamentalist Christians get this from? Witches don�t worship the devil. Satanists worship the devil. Duh. But anyway, Cate is scared that her poor boys, especially Miller, whose bad haircut she has grown to love, will be hurt by the Wife-beating-fundamentalist guy. Who just happens to be the husband of Hillary Swank. I�m just gonna call him Mullet-Boy from now on. His proper name is probably Billy-Bob or something.
Mullet-Boy is mad. Just cuz. His wife is having a cup of tea with a witch! And the witch told his wife to leave him!!!!! Oh no!!!!!! Anyway, Mullet-Boy storms into Cate�s house, where they happen to be painting the walls pink, for some unspecified reason. He grabs Hillary Swank, and drags her out of the house, and knocks over some paint, and Hillary Swank�s white pants get all painty. Then Cate runs out after Hillary Swank, and slips in the paint and flashes the camera. I know this was supposed to be serious, but it was the funniest thing I�ve ever seen. I laughed and laughed and laughed for ages. I dunno if it was supposed to happen, but it was hilarious. I�m laughing my head off right now about it. That�s why there�s so many typos.
After the high point of Cate falling over wearing a white dress into some pink paint, it�s soooooooo boring. Katie Holmes gets killed. Cate uses her psychic ability to find the body. Then Cate gets put on trial by the fundamentalist Christians who think she put the body where they found it or something. Then they �prove� Cate doesn�t have mental powers cuz she can�t tell how many fingers the guy is holding up. About that time the trial goes totally whack. Then they convict Mullet-Guy. But then it turns out to be a different person. Then it turns out like something out of fact or fiction. �Was this true? Yes, it was.� Then Cate comes to terms with herself. Booooooooooring. Oh, and there are some sort of weird trees. But not very.
It is possibly the un-scariest movie I�ve ever seen. Even The Sixth Sense was scarier. Don�t watch this movie. Unless you want to see Katie Holmes sort of half mock the hillbilly accent. And get killed. But other than that, DON�T WATCH IT!!!!!!!! You�ll regret the 101 minutes of your life you wasted on it. |
