�Everyone seems to have someone lusting after them this month-except you! Don�t fret, your time will come, and according to the stars, it�s going to be worth the extra wait!�
This is going to be my love life for the month of August, because I had the misfortune of being born on august 27, making me a Virgo. Apparently the stars told the people at Dolly (you can tell the horoscopes from a teeny-bopper �mag� like Dolly because they use words like lusting) that one twelfth of the population of the world (that�s about 0.58 billion people) is going to be lonely this month. Riiiiight�..Despite the blatant lies (how could anyone not be lusting after me?) they seem to be making money off their fortune telling. In fact there�s a whole industry based on it, s�ances, tarot cards and phone psychics, lots of stuff.
I had a friend who once called a psychic hotline; they told her her age, hair colour, colour of the shirt she was wearing, etc. All of which she got wrong. At the end of the month her parents found the phone bill and grounded her for two weeks. She felt slightly ripped off. To conclude my point, I�m telling you that even though the guy off TV is connected to Tsar Nicolas II and Rasputin he�s probably just crazy. If he really could predict lottery winnings he wouldn�t need to charge you $5.50 a minute to tell you what your hair colour is.
There are cheaper alternatives to phone psychics, like magic erasers, cootie catchers (those paper things you made in kindy) or, my favourite, Magic 8 Balls. As I am writing this I�m shaking my Magic 8 Ball.
ME: Will Tay publish my stupid article?
8 BALL: You�ve gotta be kidding!
ME: No, I�m serious.
8 BALL: Trust your instincts.
ME: You think I should?
8 BALL: Totally!
My Magic 8 Ball is a knockoff so it says random things. My original popped on the aeroplane. WARNING: Don�t take Magic 8 Balls on planes, air pressure is not good and that blue stuff stains. Also, remember they�re just plastic, there�s no voodoo curse so they can�t tell the future, only you can do that (how philosophical of me). But if you want hours of conversational fun with a non-judgmental friend you can hit and swear at, it only costs $9.50. |
