"And this is our little home," John said opening the door. "I can tell you..I'd love to stay here for the rest of my life..." he walked inside.

"I know...it's the same with my parents." I said. "they live in an apartment, an they won't leave it. Ever since they stepped inside, they felt at home there."

"Oh yes, and you can make it as much your own place as possible.." John started while I suddenly heard little feet running into our hall. "Just take all your personal stuff along and..."

Meanwhile Sean jumped up, trying to land somewhere in John's arms so he had to stop and catch him. "What's this?" he said. "You're surely having a good time."

"Of course... you are coming in." Sean said.

"Right... but you're forgetting someone," John said putting him back on the floor. "Look... there's our guest." Sean stared at me, then walked on reaching out a hand. "Hi," he said. I recognized the little grin on his face. He'd surely taken that from his dad.

"Hi dear," I said. "So what's your name?" I shook his hand.

"You know that," he said. "Dad said it... I'm Sean."

"Wonderful name," I said. It only now popped in my mind. Where did it actually come from. "How did you come up with that," I said to Yoko, while Sean was already running away, almost dragging John along.

"Oh it's something Irish for John." Yoko said. "It's perfect..I mean, this way he's somehow named after John and still it has something original."

"Well John is a good name too," I said while John walked back.

"Hilarious," he said. "One moment he's here, next thing you know he's gone over to look for his pencils."

"Still not used to it?" I said. "Kids like to play... and they love to do many things at the same time." I said, while the feet already came back.

"Can I play with your guitar again?" Sean said.

"Oh god," Yoko said, she started to laugh. "Yesterday he almost ruined it, He loves noises that's one thing I learned."

"Oh I can teach him when it's time," I said. "I can play a bit guitar but.... I think it's best if I first look some lessons myself." I glance over to John.

"Is that a hint?" John said.

"Do what you want with it," I said.

Something nagged me, the something that had been in my mind since we met in the coffee bar. I went through the little scenario I'd already worked out. I couldn't start it here, not when so many people could hear me, and not at all with little Sean around. And I certainly wasn't going to show my feelings. It would only make things worse. The last thing I wanted was panic, it would only destroy the mood of the day and it was such a beautiful one.

"Such harmony, I'm not going to spoil that already," I thought. "Besides... what's the use of it if this is only a small chance.. who says it all will work my way?"

"Stop doubting." I said while someone was brought into the hall.

"You're worried?" John said.

"Yes... kind of." I said, suddenly remembering something else. And here I could perfectly use it to cover things up. This was the first narrow escape
form an odd situation. "My bags," I said "I had all my luggage while I was in the park, I forgot time and then I walked away. without them." this still sounded odd, for I realized I couldn't tell the real reason why I simply forgot them.

Meanwhile someone came up behind me."Hi...." a woman said. "Are you called...Mary?" I felt a bit odd, noticed my face turn red.

"Yes...why?" I said.

"We've got some bags in our car... found them in the park right near the exit." I had to laugh, I couldn't stop it, a switch turned on and John looked funny at me.

"There... speaking about the devil." he said. I almost choked in my own breath.

"Here, sit down dear, have some tea." Yoko said. "By the way, this is our photographer, Annie Leiboviz" we shook hands.

"I'll go out with Sean." I said.

"No need to get him out of the way," John said."We're just taking some last pics." I checked my watch. Almost four. John walks up to me and grins. "What about this?" he says. "Everyone here says it's ok but.... what do you think?"

"Still not sure?" I say, staring at him. "Very good," I say. "The old days are
coming to life," I think after that. Somehow John must have read my mind, or seen the smile that lightens my face.

"Back where I started," he says. "This is me." He puts off his glasses and then puts them back on again.

"Ok I'm off," I say. Inside me something starts to make shape of everything. It makes me nervous. This is a thing I've seen on so many photo's and here he's standing right in front of me. I reach out my hand, John takes it. Not what I meant, I only wanted to tap on his shoulder, trying to keep it unnoticed. John squeezed my fingers for a while.

"How can you stay so calm?" he said. "If you feel nervous as hell about something, then let me just tell you I don't notice."

"Thanks," I said, swallowing something back. He'd said this just at the right time. Things whirled through each other in my mind. The more I'd seen from this little private part of his life, the stronger the feeling became that simply crept inside me and worked its way to a good place in my mind.

"I don't want things to end like that." My inner voice said out loud, while I again work my way through the whole scream, inside repeating to myself everything I'd formed about this odd thing...the thing I knew that couldn't happen, while no one here had ever heard of it, and I could only see one way to stop it.

I heard someone call Johns name, he waved and walks away. "Here," he said, "just come along and sit down on the couch, this is from the first few days, something to keep you busy." he stuffed a pile of papers in my hand. Some pictures are going along with it.

"And what 's all this?" I say.

"Some of my works," John says. "I know, it's probably daft but..." I sigh inside, here he goes too self-critical.

"John...shut up, I've read both your books, I've heard your songs and you're a
fantastic artist, composer, writer," John stares at me. "Jesus,what is this?" I say, louder than I want. "You've got gifts John..they've tried to tell you that for like twenty fucking years and you still don't get it?" It' were the nerves, the oddness of it all..the sudden wrecked feeling that falls over me. "Sorry," I say, trying my best to keep my face cool.

"Never mind...." John said. "But yes, I got it, it just takes a hell of a lot of courage to say that out loud. I know I'm good... here I go, sounds arrogant not?"

"Not from you." I said.

"But you've gotta go, before they're getting anxious.... Or suspicious," Jhon grinned. I blushed and laughed out loud.

"Man, you're awful sometimes." I said following him.

It works, I have something to keep myself busy with while things are set up in the room. Sean walks over and plops down next to me. I read him some stories, checking with gestures to John if it was fine with him.

They went off to the bedroom, the one with the large window sills. "My favourite spot," John said walking past me.

"And my favourite picture," I thought. "I love to sit there and here we go, registrating it for life." I laughed. I showed Sean some pictures while John was standing in the doorway and stared for a while. He giggled softly when I took one out.

"Hey....." Sean said, John walked away, giving me a wink. I knew exactly what this was all about. Sean giggled. "Daddy is wearing nothing," he said, looking a bit amazed at me. "And mummy's still dressed... how stupid." I laugh inside. I knew about the deeper meaning people mentioned about it. It even looked kind of symbolic to me. Sean simply couldn't stop laughing until we moved on to some more pictures, and I showed him some more
poems from John which I'd learned by heart while I got his first two books.

Before I knew it, John was back in again. "Time for something to eat," he said. "We're going out, and then we're making music!"

"Yay!" Sean called out jumping up. he started singing a few lines.

"Shhhh..." John said. "No one should hear that... it's still a secret."

"Can you sing that one together...." Sean said, running to Yoko while she comes back in.

"Which?" she asked. Sean looked at me.

"Old with me?" he said softly.

"What did you say?" I said, simply trying to swallow back what I was about to say. I knew the title, from the album-still-to-come, from the
anthology (with the beautiful set of strings backing it up, and I still preferred the "bare" version. It's exactly why I felt so reluctant listening through it. I never knew whether it would make me cry or not. I simply knew it grabbed me every time i heard it. This was also why I straightened myself as soon as I heard John softly starting the song.

"Grow old along with me," he sang. "The best is yet to be," Yoko now sang with him. John picked her up and started a little slow dance. They were
through the first verse when it suddenly fell from my mouth. It was already too late when I noticed them stop and turn to me.

"I know this." I said. I said it out loud, and with a smile of recognition on my face.

"How?" John said. "It's something like two days since we made it.

"Well....the first two lines are from one of Robert Browning's poems," I said fast, which was true, and I felt grateful that this popped back in my mind just now, I was saved again for man odd situation.

"You read it?" John said.

"Yes... I keep on rereading it, getting more and more parts worked out."

"Oh I see, it's a difficult one to see through isn't it?" John said.

"Kind of.... but I know it was written for someone."

"I have to look that up," John said. "I always knew that link but I keep forgetting some names. Anyway... it kind of shows how I.... how I think we're going on But I still discover new things in it."

"Shall we go then?" Yoko said. "It's getting late, and I'm really hungry."

"Right," John said walking out "We'll just da an old trick..take something fast, something good and then leave."

"Ah....a little pile of snacks?" I said.

"Got it," John said. "it's long since I did that but.... I'm not in the mood for something posh and expensive."

"As if we always go there," Yoko laughed.

"Mary.. how about a sushi bar, or another Japanese restaurant? It's nothing compared to the Hilton hotels."

"Oh yes and you speak from experience," I gave back. She laughed. Then I had to say it, already making up the changes in the story I turned to John. "You know...I've been there."

"Where..our room?" John said.

"Yes, the one in Amsterdam, at the beginning of this year, I don't know how my friend arranged it but they accepted it and I could just stand there and sit down on the bed and..." John smiled.

"Next year try another-one," he said. "See if it's all the same." I laughed out loud.

"Maybe it's shaped different," I said. "But you did a lot of work turning it into something cozy."

"All these drawings still here?" John said. Here I didn't know if that was the case right now.

"John...I didn't even notice. I just stood there, breathing the air and......ok
I started to cry."

"You really wish you were there back then?" John said.

"How can you know?" I said. "Because I have this feeling you were born too late. You were probably still a little kid when we where in the states."

"Oh nevermind, I danced around while you were on the screens." I said while we went outside the elevator.

All the time I hadn't noticed things around me. I was simply talking to John and this time I didn't recognize the little hall. "Huh?" I said. "You thought I'd forget it? this back door remember?" I laughed. "It's a shorter way anyway." Still I was a bit scared white we walked out, but everything went right. We moved away from the building and I couldn't help a sigh of
relieve.

Getting into the so-called Hit factory, I met up with Jack Douglas. This was the one my brother kept talking about. On of the guitar magazines or the music mags had a large interview with him about...."Stop, don't go there," I thought. "Don't even touch it, stay out of the way." But the more I checked the clock while we were up in the control room, the more my nerves pulled together.

"John.." I said turning around. "Can I make a phone call somewhere...er...on my own?" I knew this last part sounded a bit odd but I had to find a place where no-one could hear me. "I want to call my friend....I had to let her know when I arrived and I completely forgot about it.

"I got it," John said. "And I know a room at the end of the hall, you can just
call there and tell them anything they want to know, I don't mind."

"Oh they won't believe me." I said while we walked on into the little office.

"Ok... you know the way back?" John said.

"Yes... I think so." I said. "there's no sound to guide you back, everything is kind of, closed off from the outside.

"I see...thick walls and all," I said. John nodded and walked out.

"See you." he said. this was the moment. I picked up the phone, my hand trembling. I searched around in the little booklet next to it. Luckily I found a good number. I dialed it, inside repeating the first few sentences I want ed to say. Something I always did when I made a formal call. And this was formal, and I hoped they'd take me serious....