Ok this is why I hate her. So you stop asking. DONT read on its gay stupid and long and lots of grammar errors cause I'll never read over it again like everything else on my page ------------------------------------------- iF you are one of my better friends or if you are her you know who I am taking about. Either way even if your not its not hard to figure out. Here is the whole situation from when I moved her as I can recall to recent times. Its about as accurate as memory serves. I figured if Kenny has the balls to talk about why he hates the girl he liked the most I might as well too. 7th grade. I'm a new kid to this school at the time. To sum it up I meet a guy named Duey who is still my badass best friend. At this time him and this girl broke up not to long ago maybe just before summer or something. Anyways he was still mentally scared over his first heartbreak and me being his best friend helped him through that cause I'm a badass pimp like that. After awhile I saw her in person and wasn't so sure what he saw in her but it probably was special I assumed. Note I'm skipping a lot of time just cause geocities sucks balls and only lets me make this a particular length. Besides the point anyways I didn't give her a second thought that whole year and really didn't see her much besides in rocket club where Mrs. S hated her cause she was off swimming. 8th grade rolls along. I don't see her much she was a band girl though so of course I saw her then. Near the end of the year she starts dating one of my other dope ass pimp friends Ryan who is also one of badass best friends cause he's Ryan and I don't need to explain it anymore than that. Anyways as her and Ryan where together I started being around her more cause I was ALWAYS around Ryan. We where car buddies me and Ryan loved the cars of the 60's. Anyways school ended and not to long after so did she and Ryan. She said things were not working out but really they were not working out for HER of course being the greedy intentions of most girls they show no regard for human emotions and move on quickly leaving Ryan horribly shattered. Ironic how at this time she also liked a guy named Dan. Well I started talking to her online a lot (just to mention actually she had me break up with Ryan for her over the phone after she told me online) so she was actually kind of nice and despite the whole Ryan thing I considered her cool. I will OPENLY ADMIT, I will never find another girl like her. She was kind, Caring, Loving, Smart, Drop dead gorgeous and funny to boot she also liked the ramones... it was all a win win situation. I quickly fell in love with her and she started liking me back and we went on that whole summer over the internet thinking of each other. She goes off to Japan for a school thing and I email her telling her how much I miss her and love her and always think of her at night and she would respond then she came back....... sort of... The girl I love never came back fully. Band camp comes along and me and her are beyond happy to see each other. Holding hands and hugging everyday Ryan tagging along. We'd eat shitty sloppy joes and what not down at the pavilion near the river together.., well she'd eat I don't eat. She would always try to get me to eat and that was so sweet but enough of the mushy happy memories back to the story. Anyways a few days before band camp ended and she was starting to act differently around me. She started to talk to josh a lot more I didn't think of it at all at the time after all all girls are allowed to have guy friends nothing suspicious bout that. Now it starts raining during our marching drills and we have to go inside through the cafeteria doors and I go up to her and ask what's wrong and I take her hand. I will remember this moment for the rest of my days cause I never liked anyone like her again really now that I think of it. We get past the poorly blue painted bleachers and start walking in through the doors and she said "Chris I think we should just be friends" right then my mind went berserker, Thoughts of napalm deaths atomic explosions and broken hearts went through my mind. I was crying but it was raining she couldn't tell. She squeezed my hand harder... I let go. Till this day I really regret that. Why did I let go?? Anyways we go back into the band room and it clears up. Out side but I cant play cause I cant see my music cause I'm crying. She looks at me and smiles. That's 1 painful shot. The day goes to lunch time where we leave for awhile and I wasn't going to stay there so I went off with Nathan and mike dart to get drunk off moonshine cause we both had shitty relationship at the time it was him and some Ashley girl. I get back and she's walking outside in the puddles with her friends and Ryan walks up to her and says "You know we have feelings and hurt too" or something along those lines. She starts crying. Anyways the day ends I go home and burry myself with old silverchair music. The next day I don't talk to her she's around but I don't talk to her. That lunch she was in the backseat of josh's escort taking her to his house for lunch me and Ryan and Tess where just sitting around the back of the school and she waved at me and smiled. That's painful shot number 2. Well ironic a few days later they are going out. I don't even want to get into those details so we will skip around to homecoming that year I danced with her and it was special and warm and I started crying cause I missed her a lot *yes I cry a lot for this girl*. She was "happy" with josh despite all the arguing and crying and shit and "happy with josh girl" breaks up with him and goes out with Ryan my friend again.... this sucked... I saw HER AND RYAN welded to each other CONSTANTLY. While I still loved her. She didn't care. Ok as you can imagine its 9th grade by now. I probably forgot to mention that but yeah its some where around January and her and Ryan are back together. That's right I get to see her in biology welded to Ryan. My badass rivet head friend Taylor even noticed I looked at her allot and winced away. I think she honestly noticed but didn't care. After all she was "happy" again. Well time for another shitty dance I guess the school decided. I get there I get bored so I do what I always do. I strive for fun. I start dancing with Daniel and we where kind of joking around and started dancing with Daniel and Jameson at the same time then some more girls got in and it was like me Jameson and a bunch of girls dancing in a circle. It was fun as hell. "She" was off busy making Ryan happy at the time or something. Anyways the night picks up and of course im Chris I don't really dance to much but I was getting bored. Some punk songs get on so I start skank dancing with Daniel. its when you kick your legs out really far and look retarded and shit at punk shows. It was fun then i shifted over to some other girl i dont even rember now. Then some how i got to spinning daniel in a circle it was kinda cool. We got dizzy. Then some how i started dancing with "the Girl" spinning "The Girl" in a circle and we had a cheesy titanic kinda moment i guess. Anyways i get up on a bench with her in hand and start skank dancing with her up on a bench. She said i turned her shitty night into so much fun. I felt good. The year progresses and our 9th grade english teacher has us write journal enteries. Then we had to pass our books to some one and me and her passed probably just cause she was right behind me. We had to write something good about the person we traded with. And what she wrote made me cry. It was the sweetest thing anyone ever said. Then she signed one of her school pictures and gave it to me it said "Chris- We've been through some "interesting" stuff but i have faith that we'll always be friedns. Thank you for that" Love always her. Me and her started talking more at that point. Another shitty formal dance comes along and i end up dancing with her at that resulting in her fun and i dont really rember details but i'll tell ya one thing i was in a bad mood casue during snowball alot of stupid shit happend and me and her cheered up eachother casue ryan was in a bad mood and she wasnt being made happy by him. We talk here and there for the rest of the year. I bring her new punk cd's and such and the year ends. June 11th greenday and blink182 and saves the day live. I got tickets to go. Yay go me. I was planing to bring my most awsomest punk rock friend duey and her but duey's mom wouldnt let him go. So she really hints twards me brining ryan. Yeah i bring ryan he's awsome too. I get to her house and ryan's already there. Ryan and her just got introuble and they were not talking much that night. Well the night starts and saves the day hits the stage. Opens up with cars and calories. Great song but shitty live band. Greenday hits the stage and we all become greendays bitch. the whole audience was owned by billy joe armstrongs badassness. she came up to me and ryan and had us go sit by her at the concert. Anyways greenday shits over and starts playing goodriddance. I asked her if she wanted to dance and there we where. Her and i dancing together at a punk rock show. Slow dancing together to goodriddance with her boyfriend sitting in a chair being miserable not trying to help himself at all and her dad right there. It was perfect. I would go back and live that night over again if i could without fuckin anything up. Anyways me and her become close friends at that time. Dueys birthday party comes along her and ryan are still pressing on strong. Ryan was being his typical blahh im sick and in a shitty mood self becasue alot of shit at his house was going on and she was cheering him up and all and i left the room to be alone. She comes up to me and asks whats wrong. and i told her i didn't want to loose her ever agian and she said she didnt want to either ever again casue she just got me back. It was good so we all went to go open dueys presents casue duey is a pimp and gets lots of awsome punk rock presents from us his punk rock friends. Anyways the summer goes on and ryan and her arnt doing so well. Duey has a get together of me and her at his house and we all hung out and watched movies and lisitend to punk well i started holding her hand while me and her where laying on the floor and she didnt mind. It was a good day. A few weeks later we have another get together at her house ryan is suposed to be there its out in july. Ryan cant come he's stuck at his grandma's so its just me duey and her at her house. Duey leaves after awhile and its just me and her alone. We talk for awhile and im tellling her how much she means to me and then i ask if i can hug her again and she hugged me for along time it ment alot to me. She went into the bathroom to get ready to go and came back and hugged me from behind casue i was in her doorway i hugged her again and gave her my tie. she was beutiful. We didnt even regard the pictures of ryan and her on her nighstand. We go out to her polara and her dad drives us home with me and her in the back seat holding hands. I couldnt wait to see her again. The monday she got back from camping came along and she said the whole time she was thinking and decided that i was her best friend in the world. I was crushed. A: i know she never ment it and B: she just played with me that whole damn summer. I didnt feel like talking much afterwords but i went along with it. why not i guess.Well bandcamp comes along. Apparently some one was spreading rumors about me and her. They said we were making out in her room. I never said we did but people assumed we did which was bullshit. So she's thinking im saying we did this but me and her never even kissed on the lips let alone make out. Anyways she didnt trust the fact that i didnt say that. Her being a girl and all and heard it from another girl or some shit. Its kinda ironic though how she'd be so touchy about her cheatting on her boyfriend when a few days later it was exposed she did cheat on ryan with some guy at a colledge bandcamp. Probably why she was touchy about the whole people spreading rumors about me and her. But yeah i never said me and her made out. I told her off on the football field on how much of a friend she was if she didnt even trust me and she said she didnt know what to think of me anymore. And this waged a war. Since then ive hated her. Her trust has gone. Anyways her and ryan tried to work thing out but i guess things didnt go well. The year started up and me and her where on not talking and hating grounds. Id try to be nice to her and she'd say something cocky and stupid. She still does anytime i try to be nice to her she says something cocky and stupid so i just stoped being nice to her. if she EVER reads this page just this page mabey she'd understand what she's doing. I doubt it thought she'd just retaliate casue its her nature to be defensive. Anyways Her and ryan broke up some where near the beggining of the year. Ryan dumped her but she begged for ryan but JUST to dump him like a week later. Talk about bullshit. That girl wont stand for being dumped. She always has to finish it or she's not "Done" yet and thats kinda how i lost her to josh cause josh was the only guy who dumped her. I could go on for days on the psycology of this girl. Her being an only child kinda is the basis for most of it. Only children crave attention. She gets attention from guys and likes that. But im not going to continue rambling about that. Anyways yeah her and ryan where done so i had no reason to be nice to her AT ALL. I wrote her one last note and all she did was write back in effort of offending me in some way. Well i was done with her enough being nice to that one. Anyways here we are now. She's with a new guy and she has NO source for real punk anymore. Only this girl named tessa who is kinda an emo girl. Not even good emo the wierd ass poppy shit. I think duey and i were her only keys into the real punk rock underground. So now she listends to the shitty slow shit like something corporate and juliana theory. Sure Juliana theory is ok sometiems but something corporate ive been listending to for a few years now and just never liked em they have been around since 98 or something like that. Anyways now she is wearing "the used" tee shirts and something corporate shirts with her hair dyed black thinking she's a punk rocker. She lost the punk scene when she lost me. She'll never be on the underground again probably. Im sure she still has a love for buzz saw guitar and power chord driven music but she has no means of getting ahold of any underground music anymore and thats what punk is. A big underground. Not a poppy corporate packed and produced cd. Im almost postive if me and her worked things out again somehow id probably be a better person. The thought of going through highschool without that girl ever again is a thought id rather live without yet slowly turing into a reality. If only i could lock her and i in a room for like 7 hours to work out our problems. But she doesnt have the dedication to fix this. Ive tried talking to her but she'll say something cocky then i will casue im gay like that and we get no where. I need to seriously sit down and talk to her sometime but at this point in time i guess it wont happend for awhile. I will admit i probably still love her but its odd loving what ya hate. Person to who it regards. if you read this A: you should feel special casue your getting your own special page. and B: im sorry i shoud not retalitate so much. Its just my nature to talk back when some one says something i dont like. Sure i may hate your poser punk ways and sure you may be considerd the biggest poser in the school by the people at my table and dueys table and most of the metal and rivet heads but i still think your a great person. I really hope we talk someday about all this. Mabey sit down and have a cup of overpriced starbucks cappacino. I dont know or care. I just miss you. I miss you alot. Do you rember the night we marched and i fixed your marching band hat and looked you in the eyes i think i fell for you hardest that night how nerdy. During marching band... o well. Im just a stupid punk. You'll be somethin when you grow up i dont like the thought of me not being there. I promised you id marry you if i where single and 35 and i plan to be calling when the time comes. I miss you dear god do i miss you. Id fix this if i could. I promis i would if possible
2004. Stretching onwards into 11th grade. Well 10th grade ended. She actually somehow read this and replied. It was touching she said she cried but then within 2 months we really were not talking again. Funny. Anywho This summer after 10th grade she ended up with a guy named chris and i ended up with a girl named ... well her name lol. That was really odd how that worked out. Anywho the year starts up and her and whatzhisface are still together. He's kinda scared of me. Damn good reason to be too. I think i really do still like her. Its hard to explain like i dont think about her much at all anymore its just when im around her and she talks to me i get this whole diffrent feeling where i want to be nice,controlled, and civilized. She's really good at making me into a better person but we arnt even "good" freinds anymore. We are just on the "Hi, BYE" talking grounds if that makes any sense. I look her in the eyes and i melt. Damn her. Damn her for finding my only weakness. Anywho ive been dating alot lately and really no one makes me feel the way she did. Ugg this is pathetic im going to quit writing till something GOOD comes up.
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