Why I love America
I love America. I love it for many, many reasons. I love how I can rent an over-sized panda suit and go to the DMV. I love how I can go to the part of the hospital they keep all the crazy people and do an Irish Jig to really bad polka music. I love how I can buy three-hundred gallons of butterscotch pudding, give it to hobos, and threaten them at gunpoint to give it back.
I really appreciate how violent America has gotten since Bush has taken Office. The reign of anarchy and bloodshed. Woooo! I love America because right now it has been turned into something out of a slayer song. I love America because I can fake being a Native American and get a free college education. It is kind of like a get out of jail free card, but it gets you into college.
I love America because I�m free to chug down $40 worth of butter, which is a lot of butter, and can afford it. Then I�m free to regurgitate it, freeze it, and give it to hobos during the winter when you know they will eat it. I�m free to shove a battery up my ass, and try to light a light bulb with it and say,� Everyone shut up, I have the craziest idea.�
I love America because I could buy a horse, buy an old voltzwagon beetle, tie the horse to it, and start my own vintage taxi service. I love America because I�m aloud to say,� What if I don�t want god to save the queen?� or better yet,� What god?� I love America because I could go to the barber shop, take the hair clippings, glue them all to my body, and do my best Ricky Ricardo impression.
I love America more than apple pie. If I lived anywhere else I would most likely be dead by now. I love America more than panda bears love eucalyptus and that�s all they eat! I love America enough that I�d take a bullet for most of the presidents graves. I love America enough to end this now. Bye. |
