Who is the big winner in Alien Vs. Predator? Everyone who avoids going to see the film.


Hide and Seek

After his wife is found dead in the bathtub, Manhattan psychologist David Callaway decides to take his traumatized child, Emily, to live in a big, gloomy country house upstate. The shadow of the twisty backyard woods - or something darker - soon creeps over the house and Emily finds a weird friend named Charlie, who her father believes is only imaginary. Charlie likes to play games, and is also very jealous of anyone who tries to come between Emily and her dad.

An absorbing mystery-thriller for its first hour... until it races off the tracks toward a dumb, albeit predictable, twist ending that gets worse and worse as it drags on and on.

The movie is bad in the sense of being morally reprehensible.

Hide and Seek ends with a whimper and not a bang, but at least if finally ends; sadly, this turns out to be the highlight of the experience.

De Niro is slumming and he knows it. I'd rather see him do another commercial than watch him waste both his time and mine on material that Steven Seagal would reject.

One can practically imagine the blank stares and shaking heads of viewers left in disbelief here.

Its surprise twist is more annoying than frightening. If you're looking to be terrified, skip this film and rent Uptown Girls instead.

...As far as I'm concerned, this movie was a disaster...


The Ring Two

In this horror sequel the curse of the videotape returns. Rachel Keller and her son Aiden move from Seattle after their first terrible run-in with the tortured evil spirit Samara. But when it turns out Samara has followed their trail, Rachel dives right back into the mystery.

Were left with another tepid PG-13 horror sequel that rehashes huge chunks of the original and, in the end, has almost nothing new to offer. To those who saw and enjoyed the first one, it's a bitter disappointment. A sloppy, poorly executed mess of a film confusing horror with child endangerment.

Horror movies have long exploited the anxieties associates with birth and child rearing, but The Ring Two may be the first to credit its haunting to postpartum depression.

While its plot defies any sort of coherent explanation, fans of the movie will no doubt try, and in doing so find a bizarre sort of joy in justifying it. Do yourself a favor and don't tarnish the original "Ring" by seeing this sequel.

Terrifyingly dull; this time the prophecy of the Ring might just come true: You watch it, you die. Of boredom.


Rose Red

In this Stephen King story, which aired as a television miniseries in three two-hour parts, Dr Joyce Reardon is a professor at the University of Washington in Seattle who is determined to prove that supernatural occurrences are real. Using six specialists, each of whom possess a different form of psychic ability, the scientist leads her group into Rose Red, a haunted mansion that has grown in size since it was built in 1907.

Brilliant and Witty. Those are two words that will not be used to describe this film, nor, I suspect, its target audience.

The problem with Rose Red is the same problem every horror film faces. The payoff is never worth the buildup. The biggest drawback is simply that we've seen it all before, and in vastly superior movies The Haunting and The Legend of Hell House; for the amount of time it takes to watch the mediocre Rose Red, you could watch both of these, or even watch any one of them twice... just watch something other than Rose Red.

One of those films that leave you wondering if any of the actors read the whole script before signing on.

Rose Red leapfrogs from an intriguing premise to ludicrous levels and becomes less intriguing as it plays out.

Like a jigsaw puzzle nobody bothered to put together Rose Red was a workout for my imagination. It's almost worth it to keep watching; just to see what ill-advised but unpredictable lunacy we might be in for next.

The film isn't scary and it isn't funny. What it is, is dull, slow-moving, and yawn-inducing.

I was terribly disappointed.


Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith

The final chapter of the six-part STAR WARS series, which began a long time ago (1977) in a galaxy far, far away... and is now complete in its cyclical perfection.

Anakin Skywalker remains the Jedi apprentice of mater Obi-Wan Kenobi. Battling dark forces that threaten the Republic. An intimidating warrior with superior knowledge of the Force, Anakin becomes the pet of Chancellor Palpatine, who is connected to the dark side. meanwhile, Padme, the senator and former queen who is secretly married to Anakin, is pregnant, and Anakin is tortured by dreams of her dying in childbirth. with Obi-Wan on Utapau battling cyborg General Grievous, and Yoda joining the Wookiees of Kashyyyk, the sage warnings of the Jedi council go unheard by Anakin. His moodiness and glowering are clear precursor to his inevitable, terrifying metamorphosis into Darth Vader, the dark leader of the evil Empire.

Revenge of the Sith is not the "masterpiece" some make it out to be. It is, simply, a more worthy installment than we've recently been fed, not that it will matter to its lemming-like legion of fans.

Technically magnificent but dramatically inert, it's a lumberingly predictable finale to the space saga that peaked in 1980 and has been going downhill ever since. There's precious little of the wonder and charm of the original Star Wars films in this big, loud, and mostly empty spectacle.

Like the other two so-called prequels, this one still doesn't feel like a Star Wars movie. The magic died a long time ago. The best thing about Episode III? Jar Jar Binks isn't in it.

Lucas should be barred from touching a typewriter. His dialogue crashes and burns like an X-wing zapped out of the sky by a star destroyer. The Jedi faithful deserve far better than this.

The good news is that Lucas promises this is the last Star Wars movie.


Troy

Throughout time, men have waged war. Some for power, some for glory, some for honor - and some for love. In ancient Greece, the passion of two of literature's most notorious lovers, Paris, Prince of Troy and Helen, Queen of Sparta, ignites a war that will devastate a civilization. When Paris spirits Helen away from her husband, King Menelaus, it is an insult that cannot be suffered. Familial pride dictates that an affront to Menelaus is an affront to his brother Agamemnon, powerful King of the Mycenaeans, who soon unites all the massive tribes of Greece to steal Helen back from Troy in defense of his brother's honor.

In truth, Agamemnon's pursuit of honor is corrupted by his overwhelming greed - he needs to conquer Troy to seize control of the Aegean, thus ensuring the supremacy of his already vast empire. The walled city, under the leadership of King Priam and defended by mighty Prince Hector, is a citadel that no army has ever been able to breach. One man alone stands as the key to victory or defeat over Troy - Achilles, believed to be the greatest warrior alive.

Arrogant, rebellious and seemingly invincible, Achilles has allegiance to nothing and no one, save his own glory. It is his insatiable hunger for eternal renown that leads him to attack the gates of Troy under Agamemnon's banner - but it will be love that ultimately decides his fate.

Two worlds will go to war for honor and power. Thousands will fall in pursuit of glory. And for love, a nation will burn to the ground.

Greedy kings, lusty virgins, buff heroes, a cast of thousands, huge battle sequences and a face that "launched a thousand ships" - Troy has it all and then some. What's not to like?

In the same league with Oscar winners Braveheart and Gladiator films. If you want historical accuracy, go rent a documentary.

While the story doesn't work all that well as a drama or romance, it does offer good fight scenes and some great spectacle in the grand Hollywood tradition. Several of the scenes are just some of the best battle scenes I've seen in a long time.

This is one of the best fantasy-type movies in years, not counting the Lord of the Rings. A hugely entertaining film, sprinkled with moments of brilliance.

Troy may not be the stuff of legends, but on the whole it's still a very good action-adventure movie.


White Noise

Michael Keaton plays successful architect Jonathan Rivers, whose peaceful existence is shattered by the unexplained disappearance and death of his wife, Anna. Jonathan is eventually contacted by a man, who claims to be receiving messages from Anna through EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon). A first skeptical, Jonathan then becomes convinced of the messages validity, and is soon obsessed with trying to contact her on his own. His further explorations into EVP and the accompanying supernatural messages unwittingly open a door to another world, allowing something uninvited into his life.

The nominal thriller White Noise is worthy neither of Michael Keaton's talents nor even a desperate horror fan's attention.

The movie delivers little more than cheap shocks and stylized static... all the chills of a refrigerator's hum.

If you want to see TV static used to better effect in a horror film, go to the video store and rent Poltergeist.

A hollow horrorfest immersed in its own conjured-up clumsiness. Sax's thin-laced thriller is about as suspenseful as an overdue library book waiting to be returned. Only the most novice horror fan will find anything really scary in White Noise.

Less likely to haunt an audience than simply bore them to death.


War of the Worlds

A contemporary retelling of H.G. Well's seminal classic, the sci-fi adventure thriller reveals the extraordinary battle for the future of humankind through the eyes of one American family fighting to survive it.

Ray Ferrier, a divorced dockworker and less-than-perfect father. Soon after his ex-wife and her new husband drop off his teenage son Robbie and young daughter Rachel for a rare weekend visit, a strange and powerful lighting storm touches down.

Moment later, Ray witnesses an extraordinary event that will change all their lives forever. A towering three-legged war machine emerges from deep beneath the earth and, before anyone can react, incinerates everything in sight. An ordinary day has suddenly become the most extraordinary event of their lifetimes - the first strike in a catastrophic alien attack on Earth.

Ray scrambles to get his children away from this merciless new enemy, embarking on a journey that will take them across the ravaged countryside, where they become caught in the desperate tide of refugees fleeing from an extraterrestrial army of Tripods.

Spielberg is the only one who can mess up a Spielberg film.

Leave it to Steven Spielberg to turn the end of the world into a treatise on responsible parenting.

Viewers expect to see a war of the worlds, but what they really see is a war of a dysfunctional family with an alien invasion as a backdrop.

Spielberg has made nothing more than a large-scale disaster film. Things blow up, people die, and we don't really care.

Even hostile invasions need a bit more character and plot development.

Unsatisfying combination of sappy family drama and enormous, thudding monsters... The flat finale... manages to somehow be syrupy and cheesy at the same time.

A problematic blockbuster with one essential saving grace: It's frightening in a way that few directors have the talent to capture.

It's not the best Spielberg film out there.