The woman's niece, Sarah Dozier, says that she bought her aunt a gun to protect herself. Relatives believe Johnston was frightened by the officers and opened fire.

Editor Comment: Not that there's anything funny about this sad situation, this did make me smile.

She was able to shoot 3 officers before they dropped her? Quality work Atlanta police.

Was she just sitting around with the shotgun on her lap? How slow do the cops have to be for a 92 year old woman to get the jump on them?

It sounds to me like granny took the opportunity presented by the knock-and-announce to arm herself, and take up a position of tactical advantage instead of surrender... They didn't need to execute her, they needed to hire her.

In HALO she would have gotten a Triple Kill, then I think Running Riot!

Grandma went down in a blaze of glory.

The article claims the police announced themselves, but unfortunately the victim is now dead, so we cannot confirm it.

The old lady is lucky the LAPD wasn't involved. Her children and grandchildren would be "falling down stairs" as we speak.

The 92 year old woman was probably only 38. She just looked 92 because of all the crack she did.

We're all going to die anyway... None of it really matters.

The war on person freedom is a war waged by the government against the people. If the government doesn't take casualties, where is their incentive to end the war? With that, I'm out.



How to reach the ever-elusive female orgasm

Female columnist for college newspaper tackles the hard issues of our time: How to properly perform oral sex on a woman,

Editor Comment: "When a woman has difficulty achieving orgasm and sweetly tells you that it's her fault, she is full of artificially sweetened shit. It is you, and is she isn't in the right place mentally, then you need to fix that."

A woman blaming a man for something? VERY hard to believe...

That's crap... why is it when a woman can't come, it's the man's fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have a problem?

Let me take a whack at her. I'll show her what the female orgasm's all about. I would bounce her around like Sugar Ray Leonard.

I am surprised that we haven't had any of the "only women know how to properly perform oral on a woman" posts yet. We all know THAT is a bunch of crap!

I wonder: if a male choose to publish a similar story (how to perform oral sex on a man) in the same periodical, would he draw fire for "sexual harassment"?

The only guide you'll ever need: Uncle Melons Guide to well, you know.

Excerpt from above article.

Now that your tongue is in shape it's time to start licking. Lick everything you can get your tongue on and are legally allowed to touch. Be sure to invest in a big hunk of filleted salmon. I know what your saying, "Salmon is like $12 a pound, can't I use a lollypop or a nice piece of dried cod?" When it comes to training for licking labia, you can't skimp! Save the dried cod for her post-menopausal years.

Not only does salmon have the right look and feel, after a couple of days it will smell right too. Before diving in, check your salmon for errant bones and remove any you find with a plier. Important Note: You don't have to perform this task with a real woman.

Funny thing is, she's not writing this to help anyone - it's a desperate cry for attention.

Coincidentally, I dreamt I was eating pussy last night. Haven't had that dream in a long time.

\Needs a GF



If you had one super power what would it be

Following is a list of some of the ideas for super powers I came up with. In no particular order:

Editor Comment: The ability to crap legal tender

The ability to make women orgasm

To have a bionic shlong

The ability to care

To hear what woman want

Power to change movie endings

A huge dick. Is that a superpower?

Persuasion. Able to convince anyone to do anything. Like Hitler, but without the whole being evil thing.

The power to make people GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY

Is being Hugh Hefner a super power?

The ability to create save points in my life so that I can go back, with full knowledge of what's happened, to any point I wish. Also, when I die I'd automatically be able to go back to any save point I want.

The power to rig elections!
:-) wait I could just become republican. Never mind

The power to control time.

- get a girl pregnant, no problem, go back in time and change that
- pause time, rob the banks. Video cameras useless
- go forward, stocks and lottery numbers no problem
- general 'uses for evil' purposes are virtually unlimited
- prevent the births of people like Paris Hilton, Kevin Federline and many other

The one thing that always bothered me about the ability to control time.

Ok... you find out you have this power. Cool... you stop time. Nothing anywhere in the cosmos is moving in any way except yourself. Great! Then you trip and get yourself killed. Assuming you need conscious effort to re-start time, you've just fucked the entire universe.

If I had mind-control abilities, Id make prominent political figures do progressively more offensive and outrageous things just to see how far their supporters would go to defend them. With Bush, I might start off with some vaguely insensitive racial remarks and end it a few months later with him whipping out his dong at a press conference and saying "I know all you press biatches want some of this."

I'd love the power to come up with a clever witticism on the spot, and not 4 hours later while dwelling on the jerk who irked me at the Qwik-E Mart.

Definitely not telepathy. I just don't want to know what you all are thinking. Think about it, do you really want to know what someone is thinking about you. I know what I think about other people when I'm talking with them, and I assume they think the same uncharitable thoughts about me.

I think I want the power to post coherently after drinking run & coke all evening.

I'm sure this post does not qualify, but I'm too lazy/alcoholically unmotivated to decide for sure.

I'm gonna quit posting and just stick to drinking for the rest of the night. Is that a super power?



World Vegan day 2006

The 1st of November is World Vegan Day and vegans everywhere plan to show the world that the consumption of meat, dairy, fish and eggs is killing our planet.

Editor Comment: Oh, for a moment I thought this was supposed to be a day where we're not supposed to beat our meat.

So... leave meat alone day... isn't that everyday for Lesbians?

To celebrate, I will eat nothing but meat today. Thanks, vegans, for reminding me how much I love meat.

If I ever needed an excuse to get one of those BK stackers with about 5-6 meat patties, cheese and bacon... this is it.

There is absolutely no reason for any man to be a vegan unless he is doing it to try to get pussy.

Do vegan women swallow?

On "veg day", can we still eat pussy?

Pamela Anderson is a vegan, but I've seen her eating meat.

I once heard a Christian comedian ask, "If God didn't want me to eat meat, then why'd he put the wrong kind of teeth in my mouth?

/works for me

If God didn't want a 13 year old to get pregnant, why did he make them fertile?