Because of the most recent violation of our photo policy, Schneider no longer works at the Observer.

Editor Comment: Dam, looking at that I would have fired him for the crappy photoshopping alone.

"Accuracy is among our most sacred journalistic values." This is where the article lost me. Sounds like some newspaper trying to imply they have journalistic integrity.

I'm sure he can get a job with NASA.



Police: Beware of the clown exposing himself

A Rio Grande City man is behind bars after he is accused of exposing himself to young girls. Investigators say Leonidez Valdez Junior who works part-time as "Bingo the clown" exposed himself to a 13-year-old girl at a private party.

Editor Comment: So? Clowns do the pant's falling gag all the time.

This is not going to help those kids who already had an irrational fear of clowns. Now all they have is a rational fear of clowns.

Some day those kids will look back on this and laugh.



Milder weather forecast for St. Louis

As St. Louis continued cleaning up from a devastating storm, Friday offered at least a bit of a respite from the stifling heat that has caused concern for the hundreds of thousands still without air conditioning.

Editor Comment: Never mind temperatures, these people are being forced to breath unfiltered St. Louis air!

How sad that people have to deal with the weather in the place they've decided to live.

Maybe the weather will wipe out some of these mild-mannered weirdo's.

I couldn't give a dam either way.

If its attention you crave then move to New York.

New York is more important than St. Louis. How hard is that to understand?

You can stop arguing now and post pictures of kittens.



Britney sells luxury Manhattan pad

Britney Spears has finally sold her plush Manhattan apartment for a staggering four million dollars.

The 24-year-old, who is married to wannabe rapper Kevin Federline, reportedly splashed out on a house in Maui, her favourite Hawaiian island, earlier this year.

Editor Comment: One less place to kick K-fed out of.

Love the quote "The 24-year-old, who is married to wannabe rapper Kevin Federline".

Now I now how it feels to laugh and vomit at the same time.

Her fifteen minutes are just about up.

I would fucking love a place in NYC with a rooftop terrace. Damit, how do I become a K-fed to a rich hack of a pop star?

I am holding in my hand $100 for the first person to cockpunch K-fed on Entertainment Tonight or any of the crap on E. Just make sure video appears on youtube so that I can see it. If Mary Hart cockpunches K-fed the prize purse goes up to $200.



North Korea test-fires 7th missile

North Korea test-fired a seventh missile Wednesday - amid international furor over the regime's launch of six missiles just hours earlier.

The United States, Japan, South Korea and Australia were quick to condemn the test. North Korea's close ally China, which last week urged North Korea to refrain from missile tests, urged all parties to remain calm.

Editor Comment: It's probably time to end this silly little man's power trip now. It's just not funny anymore.

North Korea launches a missile that stirs the international community and it fucking fails right after lift-off. Leave it to a oppressive leftist communist country to fuck-up their big chance in the spotlight...

So why can't they test missiles?

Why can other nations test (or hell, even use) and they can't?

1) They don't announce their test like we do, so that makes the situation really dangerous. When they launch, nobody can tell right away if it is a real launch or just a test, and some day there is going to be a mistake since humans are involved. We announce test and where they are going to go.

2) We don't go firing 7 "test" at once in the direction of another country. Firing one unannounced "test" is crazy. Firing a bunch at once is more than crazy, a lot of countries only have simple or even no launch detection abilities and can't tell where the missile is going to go. They have to rely o the US to tell them, which adds more uncertainty. Some guy has to decide on each launch if it is a threat or not, someday there will be a mistake.

North Korea is doing this on purpose to scare people; nobody else does that because it is dangerous. If the US fired 7 "test" missiles in the direction of some other country that had no launch detection ability, there would be hell to pay.

Anybody remember what happened last time we invaded Korea? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?

Oh that's right, China helped the North Korea, so who here wants to get into a brush war/pissing match with China.

That is why we have not invaded North Korea; it has nothing to do with what nukes they may or may not have. It has everything to do with pissing off a major trade partner and possibly getting Taiwan invaded. The only country George W Bush hated more then Iraq is North Korea.

People this is a shake down; North Korea is trying to get more money out of the world and primarily the U.S. The proper response here is "That's nice, now starve mother fucker."

Am I the first to make the joke about the prematurely exploding Dong?



CIA closes down unit that was hunting bin Laden

The CIA has closed down a secret unit that for a decade had the mission of hunting Osama bin Laden and his top lieutenants, intelligence officials said.

Officials said that tracking bin Laden and his deputies remains a high priority, and that the decision to disband the unit is not a sign that the effort has slackened.

Editor Comment: "What! You can't disband the group sir! We are so close to catching the rat I can smell him!"

"Really? How much more time you boys need?

"Another 10 years tops, 30 to be safe"

"I'm not that concerned about him. I don't think about him much anymore." president Bush's response when asked what steps were still being taken to hunt down Osama bin Laden in late 2002.

Was bin Laden responsible for the murder of almost 3,000 people on 9-11-2001, or was he not?

See, that's the fun part - nobody knows.

We never presented evidence to that effect. The only meeting we had regarding bin Laden's involvement in 9-11 occurred behind closed doors at the U.N. Osama bin Laden himself denied any involvement in 9-11, although he did confess that he was happy to have "inspired" those events.

We never gave any evidence to Afghanistan; we just demanded Osama bin Laden be turned over to us. When they refused, we accused them of harboring terrorists and used that pretext to bomb the shit out of them.

"Huh?" , you say? Don't take my word for it. Go look it up. Do a little research - it doesn't take much - and you'll find that even the FBI admits we have no real evidence Osama bin Laden had any involvement with the events of 9-11.

But, we've been so conditioned to assume that Osama bin Laden was behind 9-11, we typically don't ask questions any more. We constantly refer to Attas as the "mastermind of 9-11" yet Osama is the icon of terrorism.

Why is that, exactly?

Don't forget that the biggest terrorist organization in the world is run right out of Virginia. The CIA has been terrorizing people and nations around the world for many years.

Wait wait, I forgot: it's not terrorism when we do it.



Mistake sends 20,000 wake-up calls

An automated late-night telephone alert system in Ann Arbor has prompted a wave of complaints to police.

More than 20,000 households received late night calls about a 94-year-old man with Alzheimer's disease who wandered off.

Editor Comment: Amber Alert? For a 94 year old? I guess they expanded it to "anyone wearing diapers".

Do they really think any of these people actually got up in the middle of the night and went looking for a wandering old man?

Does anybody like old people aside from those who make money off them?

Once you pass a certain age... you are just a corpse waiting to happen to your so called "loved ones". They just want you to die ASAP so that they can get their hands on your money.

That's evolution for you. A 70 year old in diapers is not going to contribute anything to the continuation of his grandchildren's genes.

His or her money on the other hand...

The only "reverse 911" calls I want are those that warn me of impending doom.

"There's a big-ass hurricane coming. Better get your ass out of New Orleans!". Might have been a good phone call to get for some people. But, "Little Tiffany Johnson is missing. She's wearing a red sweater and blue shorts and is with her non-custodian father." Is just stupid. Amber alerts have gotten out of control.



Missing Duncanville child found

A 6-year-old Duncanvill boy was found soon after his family reported him missing.

Dylan Hafley was located inside his own home.

Editor Comment: Oh no! We left Kevin home alone, and he's only 27!

This story would have been so much better if the kid was hiding in the furnace.

When I can't find my cat I just shake her food container and she comes running... wouldn't something similar work for small children using a jar of cookies?