Oh I don't know... If you get your car polished then it's probably just a car wash... If you get your car and your knob polished then it's probably prostitution.



Spanish judge order arrest of three US soldiers

A Spanish judge has issued an international arrest order for three US soldiers whose tank fired at a Baghdad hotel during the war in Iraq, killing a Spanish journalist.

Editor Comment: Lucky for us we aren't members of that international kangaroo court.

This is exactly why President Bush was right to keep us out of the jurisdiction of the UN war crimes tribunal.

They should deal with the corruption and deceit in their own government before they look north across that border.

The incident was investigated by the US... case closed.

A shoulder held commercial TV camera sure looks a lot like an anti-tank weapon to me.

These are the same people, where a Madrid train explosion caused fear in the Spaniards that they were willing to appease terrorists by voting a socialist anti-US president into power.

If this is the best the Spaniards can do, let's remind them of what happened during the Battle of Manila Bay - the official end of the Spanish power at sea.



Dean Slams Bush's Policies on Mexico

Howard Dean traveled south of the border to meet with Mexico's presidential contenders Monday, and lashed out at the Bush administration's policies on Mexico.

Editor Comment: Dean does not have a freakin clue! What an imbecile!

I think he was referring that he wanted to be partners in bringing the illegal's over and wanting a cut from the drug trade?

Why doesn't the DNC simply send a template to every liberal newspaper in the country? The daily headline would always read "Dean Slams Bush's Policy on (blank)" Then all they would have to do is fill in the blank.

Like Rush keeps saying, they're running against Bush and he's not running again.



US security chief strives to expel all immigrants

Home land Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said his department aims without exception to expel all those who enter the United States illegally.

Editor Comment: 10.4 million illegal aliens reside in the United States.

Every year 5,000,000 additional illegal aliens enter the United States.

California's nearly 3 million illegal immigrants cost taxpayers nearly $9 billion more annually than they pay in taxes.

Taxpayers pay $1.4 billion annually to house the 48,000 illegal aliens in California prisons.



Clowns ease anxiety in young patients

A clown in the operating room may relax anxious children who are about to undergo surgery.

Editor Comment: They can sing goofy songs to the kids right before they kill everyone in the O.R.

I seriously do not know any child who likes clowns.

My 5-year-old son got quite offended when I suggested that clowns have pointy teeth and eat children.

"Clowns don't eat me, they're silly Daddy! Don't say I'll float!"



Nagin: Focus on New Orleans

Ever since Hurricane Katrina; Americans have been exposed to another side of New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. Prior to the hurricane, New Orleans residents recognized Nagin as a "big idea" guy who rarely delivered on his promised. Since the storm, people throughout the country have seen another side of Nagin that is not too flattering, one that tends to exaggerate about the horrible impact of the hurricane.

Editor Comment: Nagin is corrupt, incompetent, and dishonest. I have never seen a more idiotic public official than Ray Nagin - and that's saying a lot for Democrats in elected positions.

When he started saying the CIA was after him, I stopped listening to anything he said.

The man is a disgrace to himself, his city and to our country.

Nagin reminds me of Homey The Clown



Paris Hilton "I'm not ready for marriage"

Paris Hilton said Saturday she ended her five-month engagement to a Greek shipping heir because "she's not ready for marriage" and didn't want it to end up in divorce.

Editor Comment: What is the fascination with her anyway? She's a slinky, stupid, spoiled whore.

Her body looks great, but her face looks like she's pushing 40! She needs to spend less time in the tanning booth.

Maybe she figured out that in marriage, you only have one person paying attention to you. In other words; there's more sex to be had with other men.



Giuliani to Mull 2008 decision next year

Former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani said Sunday he will contemplate next year whether to run for president in 2008.

Editor Comment: Giuliani's never gonna get the nomination. Way too much baggage. He'll get slayed for that stunt he pulled with his girlfriend.

Conservatives would make an issue of his marital situation, and even if he got the nomination, the Democrats would make him look like a sexual predator.

Donna Hanover could bury him with the dirt she has on him. And is probably willing to do it.



Commander-In-Chief Sutherland: Bush will destroy our lives

Choking back tears, Commander-In-Chief star Donald Sutherland warned this week: President Bush "will destroy our lives!" The star of the new ABC drama, which follows the first woman President of the United States, lashed out at the real White House during a dramatic sit down interview with the BBC. Sutherland ripped Bush and his administration for the war and Hurricane Datrina fallout.

Editor Comment: Sutherland is not even an American. He's Canadian, and I'm not even sure he lives in America when he's not working and making money here.

Sutherland's hatred of the USA is nothing new. In 1972, he co-produced, co-wrote and co-directed a documentary with Hanoi Jane Fonda called "F.T.A" or (Fuck the Army) featuring anti-Vietnam war skits and songs.

I suggest nobody watch Sutherland's new TV series opposite Geena Davis. Hurting these halfwiths in their wallets is the only way they'll ever get the message. Liberals aren't just fellow Americans with a different point of view politically. They're enemies or this country, pure and simple.

And this is the reason I pretty much stopped watching TV.



Clooney: Liberal "As loud as I can"

Actor George Clooney tells Newsweek's Film Critic David Ansen he's upset liberal has become a dirty word. "Im going to keep saying liberal as loud as I can and as often as I can," he says in the October issue.

Editor Comment: Face it you creep, you are making movies that insult the country you are in - and we're supposed to care that you're upset that "liberal" has become a dirty word? Of Course it's a dirty word, especially now that it has come to stand for political propaganda films that spit on your countrymen.

Unlike liberals, we don't have to constantly defend ourselves as Conservatives. Only recently has the word liberal taken on such a negative connotation as a result of the left-wing, anti-American, shrill, irresponsible, hyocritical, ignorant, and incomprehensible acts and statements from people like yourself and the rest of the Hollywood half-wits.

Go move to Cuba, Clooney. You clearly don't belong in this country because you clearly don't share its values. All you want it the money to be found here.



Australians do their patriotic duty - birthrate up

Treasurer Peter Costello urged Australians to "do their patriotic duty" and have more children but it seems they were doing it anyway, just for fun. A new study shows the birth rate hitting its highest level in seven years.

Editor Note: The girls where I live are just NOT patriots...



New car smell: Don't inhale

One of the best things about having a new car could be bad for you. New research finds that much loved "new car" smell is produced by harmful chemicals. According to a recent study, that pleasurable scent has been linked to harmful chemicals. The smell can trigger headaches, sore throats, and drowsiness.

Editor Comment: I think this sudden "new smell" threat reeks of Leftist inspired non-sense.

It's not like I'm going out to buy a new car every week. I think that if they get sick it was probably from sticker price shock not the smell.

Tell you what... if someone's concerned about the "new car smell" being dangerous, then they can give me their brand new car and I'll give them my eleven year-old car, no "new -car smell" here.



French Quarter gettin its groove back

With New Orleans down on its luck, some hardy souls are trying to inject life and commerce into the heart of the French Quarter. Slowly the French Wuarter is coming alive. A bar here, a strip-joint there, maybe a dozen businessess in all.

Editor Comment: I was not aware that a cesspool could have a groove.



New Orleans police chief quits

The police chief of New Orleans resigned yesterday, four weeks after Hurricane Katrina swamped the city, Eddie Compass, 47, announced that he was stepping down as police superintendent, but gave no reason for his sudden retirement, which will take effect in six weeks time.

Editor Comment: Chief Compass quit his job a long time ago. He has merely announced that he will cease drawing his salary.

And that moron of a mayor, Nagrin, says that the chief leaves the department in pretty good shape, and with a significant amount of leadership.

15% of his workforce is under investigation for their actions during Hurricane Katrina, including leaving their posts, during a time of need. Some were found to be looting, along with the rest of the lowlife crowd who stole such needed items as big screen TV's.

Nagrin... you are next to go. Make it easy. For once in your life... do what is best for your constituents, instead of what is best for you.



Dangerous rapist is given Viagra behind bars

A dangerous convicted rapist is being given Viagra while in jail to help him re-start his love life once he gets out of prison. Prison sources said the 53-year-old had been given the drug after being diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

Editor Comment: God forbid the guy should experience an embarrassing erectile dysfunction when performing his next rape.



Ask Jeeves decides to axe Jeeves

Search site Ask Jeeves is getting rid of the iconic valet that has been its companion since its earliest days. Citing "user confusion" over what the butler character represents.

Editor Comment: When I first saw the title, I thought Axe Jeeves was the Ebonics version of Ask Jeeves.

I guess it doesn't matter to me in the long run; I use goggle for all my searches anyway.



Phony Red Cross workers use Katrina to solicit money

Three people were arrested after posing as Red Cross workers collecting money for Hurricane Katrina victims outside a Best Buy store.

Editor Comment: Didn't they know people already get ripped off enough at Best Buy without their help? Best Buy doesn't like it when you cut in on their turf. Only Best Buy reserves the right to rip off their customers.

Haven't seen someone trying to use a disaster to make a profit since September 11th, 2001...



West reveals racial lines in slang use

Hip-hop star Kanye West is advising his white counterparts that they can only use certain slang terms when they're out of style for black people.

The Jesus Walks rapper - who recently charged that US President George W Bush "doesn't care" about African Americans - believes that certain slang words should only be able to cross racial barriers when they're no longer in style for black people.

Editor Comment: They can keep their butchered version of the English language.



Transgendered evacuee arrested

A 20-year old transgendered Hurricane Katrina evacuee remained in the Brazos County Jail, five days after being arrested for showering inside a women's bathroom at Reed Arena.

Arpollo Vicks of New Orleans and her 16-year-old cousin were arrested Sunday night for criminal trespass after University Police noticed the two exiting a women's shower facility at the shelter. The two were born male but live as women and consider themselves female, Vicks said in an interview.

Editor Comment: Why does the staff writer keep referring to Vicks as a woman.

NO! It is NOT a woman, if it has a penis. This is truly a simple concept.

Here is an even simpler concept, people who are gender confused are mentally ill.

Those who support them are even more mentally ill.

If the real women in the showers are eager to see a freak show, they'd probably prefer to visit the local circus rather than have them join them while bathing in the nude.

Apparently, it wasn't the "life style" that caused distress... it was the penis.

I think I'll go shower tonight at the local ladies gym, if I tell them I'm confused it should be a no brainer.

Maybe they should start building public facilities with three restrooms - "Male", "Female", and "Both/Neither".

If the penis's win and laws are changed to allow the transgender in the women's restrooms/showers - what's to stop sexual predators from putting on women's clothes and pretending to be transgender in order to gain access.



Gov't buys trailers for displaced

The Bush Administration is buying campers all over the country and shipping them down South to house homeless victims of Hurricane Katrina. About 128,000 "mobile houses" will become home for the displaced for at least 18 months, said Melissa Prince, a spokeswoman for the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Editor Comment: A cheaper solution: they are called tents. Our armed forces have been using them in the desert as living quarters and work places for years. If a tent can stand the desert sandstorms and rain, then they are good enough for the fine folks of New Orleans.


Army punishes general for affair

A four-star Army General who was dismissed a month ago on a charge of adultery, has been given a nonjudicial punishment.

The Defense Department's inspector general's office opened an investigation earlier this year into allegations that Byrnes had committed adultery, a punishable offense under the Uniform Code of Military justice.

An Army legal advisor who insisted on anonymity said Byrnes was dismissed after failing to obey a direct order to break off all contact with the unnamed woman he was accused of seeing.

The Army has refused to explain what triggered the investigation and why it was considered a serious offense.

Editor Comment: Once again a reminder that the military is (and should be) held to a higher standard than say a former president that got oral sex on duty in his office with a subordinate then committed perjury and obstructed justice.


Jacko and the Chocolate Factory

The longish black hair. The pale skin. The ornate suit jacket. The less-than traditional adult-male speaking voice. That is fabled candy maker Willy Wonka as embodied by Johnny Depp in director Tim Burton's new take on the children's classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

One problem: I think the casual viewer is going to see Michael Jackson. It's very scary.

In the new film, Wonka is a strange recluse. He's a pale-faced millionaire who invites children over to his home, and they don't always have happy tales to tell about the experience.

Burton makes it clear that he didn't tell Depp to base Wonka on Michael Jackson, although he has heard the comparisons. Depp plays Wonka with a high, soft voice, a pale face and fluttery gestures. He admitted that some people might get the wrong idea as a result.