1) "This is a level of Hell that I don't normally deal with at this time, but here we go"
2) "How many of you have noticed that people who are really good at things have little time for anything else and they have really bad marriages etc... This pretty much covers everything in People Magazine"
3) "The average person in the Harbin Clinic waiting room is big and misshapen"
4) "We used to look at old people and think that person was wise and ancestoral. Now we look at old people and say, 'Man, that person is close to death'"
5) "Students actually give teachers evaluations... Thank God, we don't have grade inflation"
6) "Scores of futile attempts until death. This is the American way"
7) "Values are something we get at K-mart"
8) "How many of you have the suspicion that cows are happier than we are... despite what we do to them in the end"
9) "Sociological validation is the parking meter of the soul"
10) "My dog likes dessert and before a certain operation he also liked sex"
11) "If you really like Aristotle, then I have won"
12) "If someone wrote in the back of your yearbook, 'You can be whatever you want to be,' that was really dumb because you can't be a fish. It is just not going to work out for you"
13) "You just said something profound, but I think accidentally"
14) "'Meaningful' is a meaningless and thoughtless word that I will never use again"
15) "If you truly practiced the Christian virtue of humility, the only friend you could have would be God because he will let you slide"
Saint Thomas Aquinas
1) "For Aristotle, 'Natural Law' is an oxymoron... like military intelligence"
2) "What if an Auburn judge had an Alabama graduate up for murder? Ok, so it is not very likely there would ever be an Auburn judge"
3) "Some of your papers I am handing back have grease on them. Just don't think about it"
Saint Augustine
1) "Go around for the rest of the day looking at your friends with a 'I don't know your heart so I don't trust you' attitude and watch the friendship dissolve in front of you"
2) "In history when Christians have really big armies, studies show that God lets them win"
3) "We should divide up into small groups and spend the rest of our lives on this"
4) "The devil is not such a bad guy. He has many good qualities, they are just ruined by pride"
5) " Did they have sex in the Garden of Eden? Let us assume that they did"